Tuesday, 31 December 2019

The Year of the Ancient Groyne Coven Awards



 Good evening, and welcome to the 2019 Coven Awards, with me, your host - but not The Host - Inexplicable DeVice.
 And me, your other host, and Witchface's actual Host.
And us, the oft ignored- 
And unfairly maligned! 
Yes.  Exactly.  Yes.  And us, the unfairly maligned SubConsciousnesses.
 A bit like the title image up there, what little we can remember of 2019 pokes above the surface of muddled confusion, only to be slowly subsumed by the tides of disremembrance.
 So, before it all drowns under the tides of forgetfulness, here are the bits we can remember - i.e.this year's Coven Awards!
Cor, that was a bit purple, wasn't it?
I'll say.  Hey!  We haven't argued yet!
Don't worry, this thing has only just cranked into being.  We've got plenty of time for squabbling.

 Before we begin proper, I would just like to bring your attention to a slight change with some of the awards: Like great ships being launched, some of these increasingly bizarre awards have been sponsored by Ladies of Significant Note (and other creatures) in Blogorati Circles, so watch out for airborne alcohol (what a waste) and flying glass.  Oh, and there's a quiz at the end, so pay attention!
 Hang on a minute.  Remember what I said last year: "And what about the Weirdest Crush, and Most Mesmerising Monster awards?  Not to mention Peenee's Muscle Pussy and those Corgi's that Norma lets shit everywhere."?
 Calm down.  They're all included in some fashion somewhere along the line.  I think...
 Spendid.  On with the show!  Oh, and strap yourselves in as it's going to be a long and bumpy ride...



January: 2019 began with fireworks, and a rediscovery of airborne whales; He of the impossible umlaut was less than flattered by the publication of an unauthorised and unofficial biography; we took our first walk on the beach of the year, and the end of the month saw us in the bloody Midlands(!) which was only saved by a visit to Chatsworth.

February: My take on the #NotADecadeAgo meme lacklustrely launched February.  Two weeks later saw the first of the year's Star Trek fan art posts, followed by some bathroom spying, and getting the keys to my very own gingerbread house!

March: Not much going on here, except: Corduroy covered tubular steel - you'll be green with envy!  A catch-up of things I didn't blog about, and an introduction to Hexenhäusli deVice, aka the DeVice Mansion.

 Thank you for the reminder of the first quarter of the year here, Witchface.  Now, here are the first few awards:
Crikey!  This is all very cordial.
I'm sure it won't last... 


I made some delightful and diverse discoveries this year,
from books - Witch Hat Atelier and
Exploring Calvin and Hobbes: An Exhibition Catalogue
to TV - Fringe and Steven Universe
and Men: of Muscles - Loponder7;
& Allotments - Rob's Allotment;
 & Music - 2Cellos (thanks Jon).

 But the clear winner, with each ten minute episode filling me with sheer delight, is Steven Universe!


[If you liked that, I also recommend "Do It For Her" and "It's Over, Isn't It" - both sung by Pearl]

::


2019 has seen me mesmerised by many a monster:

Valkyrie's pegasus from Avengers: Endgame

The sleeping stocking (and mouth) filler Killian Belliard
most recently featured as Muscle Pussy at MrPeenee's (more here)

skekSil the Chamberlain from The Dark Crystal
(after having clicked those Killian links)

But the most mesmerising is the magnificent and majestic Mothra
from Godzilla: King of the Monsters!

::



 Ah, the Glamorous Groyne Award.  The Vos Glamour appeared back in October, but neglected to be papped with a groyne, so the winner can only be Mistress Maddie!

 Drat!  Where's that photo from Borghese Towers that I'm sure I right-clicked and saved earlier in the year?  Oh, well, you'll just have to visit Maddie's blog and find it yourselves...


::



 This should have been the Sexiest/Splendid Sci-Figure Award which would have featured Anson Mount as Captain Christopher Pike (pre hideous disfigurement) from Star Trek: Discovery; Ethan Peck as Spock in THAT spacesuit also from ST: Discovery; Alan Ritchson as Hawk from Titans; Tyler Hoechlin as the bonkers first officer in Another Life; Nikesh Patel as someone from some episode of Doctor Who; and Rupert Graves as some stern, posh totty in the BBC's recent War of the Worlds adaptation (and he got his kit off in the film Swimming With Men).  I also wanted to include Murray Bartlett who played Mouse in the recent Tales of the City miniseries, and Gethin Jones, the super-foxy Welsh presenter on Strictly: It Takes Two, but neither of them are sci-fi roles/appearances.

 But instead its become the Weirdest Crush Award because, in the first draft of this esteemed ceremony, I found this:
"Panda Boy (who the Hell is this?? - I must only have added this within the last week,
but I've no idea who it is.  Cavan Clerkin as the face-painted policeman
from Smack the Pony, maybe?)

So I'm going with it, and  including Linus the Saurian from Star Trek: Discovery;
and Steg, the fusion of Steven and Greg from Steven Universe: The Movie (which I haven't seen yet, but I've seen pictures of Steg and WOW!!)

I really want Steg to win this because, well, just look at him!  
However, because I haven't seen Steg in action yet,
I'm going to give my Weirdest Crush Award to... Linus:
Just look how cool he is in his black Starfleet hoodie!

::



As a sequel to last year's All the Alluring Aljažs Award,
may I present Funny Face, starring Aljaž Skorjanec (not Barbra Streisand):

::


 Sticking with the Strictly theme, this Strictly Surprising Award is a last-minute addition as I wanted to feature Alex Scott MBE's surprising Charleston with her professional dance partner, Neil Jones, before the year is out:



 This was my favourite dance from Strictly Come Dancing this year because I think it's when Alex first came out of her shell and really performed.  It's not perfect (although, I wish I could Charleston even half as well as Alex), but Neil choreographed such an amazing routine that, along with their performance, means that in my eyes it is worthy of an award.

~o~



April: Arse!  Need we say more?  Oh, yes, we need to as we managed seven other posts this month.  After the arse, there was some groyne monitoring, the second Star Trek fan art post (disco-themed!), strange marks were found in the sand on a beach walk, and mid-month = Muscles!  Then came rolled up bottoms, a look at the reality of a John Lewis Fantasy Beach and, finally, a beach walk sans "massive knob-fest" (thank you, Jon).

May: Redshirt Alert!  Redshirt Alert!  Yes, it's another Star Trek fan art post - this time featuring a hapless Andorian who was helped down some stairs by a trio of terrible Tribbles.  A day out at Pensthorpe bird sanctuary was retroactively ruined by randy pheasants; then city-based cormorants caused Ms Scarlet a modicum of anguish.  Horse-based annoyances came next, followed by cormorants, and cows.  The penultimate post saw me down on the beach of an evening, which leaves Shakespears Sister bringing up the rear.

June: Sigh...  Eleven posts in June.  I can't be bothered, and they're mainly just beach walks, so I'll just list them: First swim of the season; the DeVice Mansion's back garden; a story of Betazoid royalty and the Star Trek fan art post (Maps!!) that inspired it; a landslide squashed my groyne; and again; I became trapped in the bath (on purpose); sunsets; orchids; almost forgotten beach snaps; and more cliff falls.

~o~


 The Seldom Sunday Sunday Music Award is sponsored - with lashings and lashings of Babycham (and a handful of Ferrero Rocher) - by Ms Scarlet.  Although I don't think it's quite what she had in mind...
 Despite Ms Scarlet's short-lived coup back in June, Sunday Music Sometimes On Sundays remains firmly entrenched chez Mago.
 2019 has seen Mago host 22 Sunday Sunday Musics, 18 Monday Sunday Musics, and 8 Tuesday Sunday Musics (there was a Thursday at the beginning of the year, but I don't think that counts because it was a holdover from 2018).  Whereas Ms Scarlet hosted five Sunday Musics with a very surprising 100% Sunday success rate!

 So, while Ms Scarlet has hosted the fewest Sunday Musics, it's Mago who is the clear winner with the lowest percentage of actual Sunday Musics on a Sunday.  Well done Mago!
::



 2019 saw eight Star Trek Art Challenges completed - one more than last year.  However, the last two were rather lacklustre and didn't even warrant a blog post (I have got one half finished in my draft folder though...)
 So, here is the ranking of my Not the Art of Star Treks:
  1. Treasure Map (May)
  2. Oops-a-Daisy! (April)
  3. Blue Food (July)
  4. Disco 78 (March)
  5. Boldly Go In Infinite Diversity, aka LGBTQ (June)
  6. Under the Sea (August - no post)
  7. Caught Red Handed (January)
  8. Spytember (September - no post)
~o~



July: Ah.  A more manageable eight posts this month, starting with a drag queen Klingon!  A water fight that saw me lose an arm, followed by some avian garden visitors, and a look at how the End-of-the-Line was faring post-landslide brought us up to mid-July.  A teaser for this month's Map Challenge and the resulting update to the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Travel Map bookended the return (sort of) of Delilah Smythe and a meal so blue as to be fit for a Klingon Chancellor.

August: It wasn't until the second week of August that we decided that it was time to resume blogging, then we squeezed three posts into three days with another End-of-the-Line update and a load of seamen!  A Saturday Swim, a glimpse at a hot gardener's purple ring, and another Saturday Swim to cool off after that treat brought us up to the end of the month's prehistoric safari.  Which somehow led over the Cusp to Peenee and Norma...

September: Over the Cusp in the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts with the Ghosts of Bloggers Past??  What a way to start the month.  Despite the arrival of the current Blogorati, we remained over the Cusp, traversing the Land of Oz in Lady Penelope's pink Rolls Royce, fending off feathered fiends and FGES fondlers, visiting the Emerald City Viridian Village and, after ruining my "me time" in the gincuzzi, bidding farewell to the I.T. Wizard of Oz.  Exhausted after the Cusp-related escapades, I turned to the telly to relax; trifled with tin-foil; took a trip to the jungle, and marked the end of September with a load of stony spirals.

~o~ 



 July 2019 was the month of Marvellous Maps.  Amongst others (at least one that I know of anyway) were Cartographic Creations of a childhood Treasure Island by Dinahmow, Mogwash by Ms Scarlet, and an update to the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Travel Map by me:




::



 Another year, another bungled adventure over the Cusp...
 This year's Nincompoopery (yes, it does deserve a capital N) was set off by none other than Peenee and Norma bumbling around in the HVMS Infomaniac.  


 Their ill-thought through button-pushing led to a hideous car-crash of Freakin' Green Elf Shorts, Bab's Cab/Fab 1, Flying Monkeys, Mogwash, and the retirement of LẌ as the I.T. Wizard of Oz.

::



 While there have been many thoughtful, insightful, hilarious, and down-right rude comments made over our various blogs this year, none have captured my attention like this one from Nick at Ms Scarlet's Wonky Words back in July
 I must know more about the infamous Great Hostess Trolley Disaster of 2003!  And why wasn't it featured in Ms Scarlet's previous autobiography, Ms Scarlet in the Pantry with the Can-Opener???

~o~



October: October seemed to be spent entirely on the beach, with spume, End-of-the-Line updates, plunge pools, spirals, wet-suited berks, and a glut of Shags, Knobs, and Groynes for Dinahmow's and Mistress Maddie's birthdays.

November: A very lazy month with only two posts featuring the Monster Under the Bed and spume-surging White Horses, respectively. 

December: Somewhat surprisingly, a Dislocated Groyne led to a pre-Christmas Shag.  Who'd've thought?   Oh, and this very post!

~o~



 This, the most Shockingly Overgrown Bush Award, is launched and kindly sponsored by The Very Mistress.  She even brought a bottle Babycham to smash against the side!  (What?  You thought she'd waste a bottle of Jameson's on it?  Ha!)
 Who else but Ms Scarlet could possibly win such a prestigious award, as evidenced at the Very Mistress's Garden Photos Event (which The Very Mistress claims is not a competition...)

Ms Scarlet's electrified bush

::


 The Most Ancient Groyne Award - proudly commissioned and sponsored by The Very Mistress (yes, again) - goes to none other than:  Norma!

OK, so this is from 2018.  Sue me.

::



 For the second year running, I am delighted yet unsurprised, to present the Most Inconsiderate Birthday Award to...  Savannah.  Happy birthday, Savvy!

~o~


 Right.  That's your lot.  I haven't got any more time to spend on this thing.  I've already had to cut certain awards from the schedule (Randiest Hound Award, Most Anticipated Arrival of 2020 Award, and the Most Unfinished Panto Award to name but three - Maybe next year?)
 Haven't you got homes to go to?  This place is a pigsty, what with all the empty bottles and the like left laying around...
Pssst!  The quiz!
 Drat.  Oh, yes.  "The Quiz".  Bloody Ms Scarlet...



 OK.  So, The Did I Win Yet? Award proposed and sponsored by Dinahmow [and seconded by Ms Scarlet and The Very Mistress] in honour of our friend of the ïmpössïblë ümläüt, LẌ, has been reimagined into a Quiz.  This Grand Quiz will take the form of questions related to the aforementioned LẌ and the content of this end-of-year Ancient Groyne Extravaganza, so I hope you've been paying attention.
 You can leave your answers to the thirteen questions in the comments, or email them to me if you don't want anyone to peek - my blog email address is in my profile (but if you're one of the few who have my personal email, then please use that).
  1. We all know that LẌ was Chief Pillow Fluffer for The Very Mistress over at Infomaniac, but what other official service did he provide?
  2. What is the title of LẌ's unofficial and unauthorised biography which featured in this very blog earlier in the year?
  3. Who got LẌ to ask all those awkward questions (and did all his ageing for him since taking on his birthdays)?
  4. Which comic strip couple were the inspiration (and basis) for my Not The Art of Star Trek entry, Disco 78?
  5. Which two Blogorati appeared first in our adventure over the Cusp this year?  And for a bonus point, what method of transport did they transmogrify the TARDIS-a-like HVMS Infomaniac into?
  6. Which member of the Blogorati introduced me/us to 2Cellos?
  7. Who was Aljaž Skorjanec's dance partner on this year's Strictly Come Dancing, and which side of him should she be on?
  8. Where did "Canable Man" feature?  (And how should it be spelled?)
  9. Which month featured a "load of seamen" clogging up the rigging?
  10. What does The Very Mistress claim is NOT a competition?
  11. What's my favourite cake?
  12. How many acres of block paving make up Mogs Mill?
  13. Before the wind changed enabling LẌ to use a hot air balloon, what had he asked Ms Scarlet, Beast, Mago, and The Very Mistress to steal for him to fly home on?
(There was going to be a maths question along the lines of "What percentage of Mago's Sunday Musics actually occurred on a Sunday?" but I don't know if my maths is up to getting the right answer?  Perhaps it can be used as a tie-breaker question should the need arise...)

EDIT: Ms Scarlet pointed out in the comments that I hadn't set a deadline for the answers, so how about this time next week?  i.e. by Wednesday 8th January?  And remember, aside from the LẌ questions (1 - 3, & 13), and #5's bonus question, all answers can be found in this post without having to click on any links.  They may not be immediately apparent, but they're there.

 The winner shall have the honour and responsibility of hosting the next Did I Win Yet? Quiz/Award as and when they see fit.  It doesn't have to be tacked onto a massive post like this, or even held at the end of the year.  In fact, I'm not quite sure if it even has to include questions about LẌ (I think it just needs to be a quiz/award in his honour)?  I'll let the very gracious Lady Dinah - for it was she wot came up with the idea - have at it with the rules/suggestions/guidance in the comments...
  
~o~



Thank you for your gracious attendence and contributions throughout the year.  
And here's to a Happy New Year from all of us to all of you!

23 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness, is there a deadline to get the answers in for the quiz? Although there are questions that I definitely don't know the answers to. So I'm not going to win, which is an appalling concept.
    Meanwhile, I must be away to write my novel about the hideous hostess trolley incident.
    Happy New Year, Sweetie!!
    SXX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oops! I forgot about the deadline! A week should be long enough, don't you think? I've edited the post to show that answers need to be in by Wednesday 8th January.
      And remember: aside from the LẌ-related questions, all answers can be found in this blog post - without clicking on any of the links.

      If I had found time for the Most Anticipated Arrival Award, your Hostess Trolley Disaster novel would be the winner!

      Happy New Year! x

      Delete
  2. Buggrit and I got my lipstick out for this?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Apologies, dear Hound. I left most of this to the last minute (again) and reached a point at which if I didn't publish it as is, I would not have bothered at all and sulked for the next week or so.

      By the way, your "lipstick" wouldn't be a euphemism, would it...?

      Delete
    2. Not at all, it's much less subtle:
      https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dog%20lipstick

      Delete
  3. Happy New Year dear handsome boy!!!!!!

    I have never won a glamorous Groyene award. I feel like I should shave my thighs or something.

    Happy New Year indeed. How did I miss Killian Belliard naked and man handling his beautiful jewels!!!!!! I have always fancied him, and wondered what he offered down there. See, it's already starting to be a good year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. * blushes *

      Thank you, Maddie!

      * proffers tube of Immac *

      Upon a second (or third) look, I'm not convinced that the photo is of Killian. Although, it looks enough like him to do (and even if it's not, there are plenty of photos of his baton in those links).

      Delete
  4. A week to figure out the answers.Well that shouldn't be too hard. What's the question?
    Happy New Year and here's to more mucking about and having fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, dear, I was about to ask you!

      Yes, 2020 should be the year of mucking about and having fun to counteract all the doom and gloom going on in the world!

      Delete
  5. Did someone mention CAKE?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Isn't every month a load of seamen for some?

    And I often wonder how LX's friend, Asking for a Friend, is doing?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm surprised that some people manage to get through a month without drowning...

      Is it you wondering, or are you just asking for a friend too?

      Delete
  7. That quiz seems like a lot of hard work, as I only know the answers to four of them without delving into the morass of time...

    Spoiler alert: Glad you enjoyed 2Cellos!

    Jx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just emailed my answers to you even BEFORE seeing Jon's spoiler alert.

      Since Jon can't be arsed to enter the quiz, I'll take whatever consolation gift was being set aside for him.

      Delete
    2. Well, Very Mistress, I'm glad someone was paying attention. Perhaps a prize is in order after all...?

      And, as for you, Jon (who clearly only skim-read this post, if at all!): The Spoiler Alert would only be of use to those who hadn't read this post (not the whole blog) as, like I mentioned "all answers can be found in this post without having to click on any links."

      Although, it is rather long-winded, and contains a lot of self-indulgent hot air (no, not that kind), so the fact that you even managed this much at your first Coven Awards is pretty good!

      Delete
    3. * All answers except for the LẌ ones, that is.

      Delete
  8. Am I the only one answering the quiz here in comment land. Fine.
    We all know that LẌ was Chief Pillow Fluffer for The Very Mistress over at Infomaniac, but what other official service did he provide?
    LX served as the Mistress's body double in her ill-advised attempt at geriatric porn.


    What is the title of LẌ's unofficial and unauthorised biography which featured in this very blog earlier in the year?
    Did I Win Yet? A Tale of Tears and Triumph

    Who got LẌ to ask all those awkward questions (and did all his ageing for him since taking on his birthdays)?
    You?

    Which comic strip couple were the inspiration (and basis) for my Not The Art of Star Trek entry, Disco 78?
    Fred Flinstone and Dagwood Bumstead, the secret gays in full sight.

    Which two Blogorati appeared first in our adventure over the Cusp this year? And for a bonus point, what method of transport did they transmogrify the TARDIS-a-like HVMS Infomaniac into?
    Me and that horrid Norma tramp

    Which member of the Blogorati introduced me/us to 2Cellos?
    Speaking f horrid tramps, Jon

    Who was Aljaž Skorjanec's dance partner on this year's Strictly Come Dancing, and which side of him should she be on?
    I don't know, but he was cute and could really flail his legs about

    Where did "Canable Man" feature? (And how should it be spelled?)
    Human sacrifices

    Which month featured a "load of seamen" clogging up the rigging?
    All of them?

    What does The Very Mistress claim is NOT a competition?
    Life

    What's my favourite cake?
    Cigarette Butt Layer Cake

    How many acres of block paving make up Mogs Mill?
    Lots and lots. Tremendously lots.

    Before the wind changed enabling LẌ to use a hot air balloon, what had he asked Ms Scarlet, Beast, Mago, and The Very Mistress to steal for him to fly home on?
    Norma

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A winning entry if ever I saw one!

      [[Saunters off, singing:

      Gypsies, tramps, and thieves
      We'd hear it from the people of the town
      They'd call us Gypsies, tramps, and thieves
      But every night all the men would come around
      And lay their money down.
      ]]

      Jx

      Delete
    2. Hooray! Another entry (and the only one that made me snort with laughter*)! That makes nearly five. I'd better start on the post that will reveal the winner...

      * The other entries had me laughing, but did not elicit a snort.

      Delete
    3. So, is there a "Made Me Snort" prize?

      Delete
    4. There should be, now that you mention it. Perhaps I'll include it next year?

      Delete

Tickle my fancy, why don't you?