Wednesday 1 June 2011

Rear Window II

A week ago, during a lull in the first proper rain we've had here in Norwich for three months, I spied a rainbow from the kitchen window. I grabbed my camera and took some photos - These are them:

This flurry of photographic activity at the back of the house reminded me of this meme post from three years ago, as nabbed from Mr Frobisher.
Because a considerable time has passed, I think it's high time we had another go at this, don't you? So, I challenge you all to post pictures from your kitchen windows so we can all have a beak.

Sunday 29 May 2011

W-W-W-WOW! May edition

Yes, it's the end of the month, so another edition of What the Wicked Witch Watched and Other Whimsies hits the stands. This time, due to Indescribable's nuptials on the 14th, it's a special wedding issue! And, yes, that's her on the wraparound front cover about to elbow her husband in the face. Actually, the background of the Features index is her, too. Well, her bouquet, Greek goddess-inspired frock and her decolletage - Don't worry, I faded it out a bit to spare you the horror.
Now, I had planned to return to blogging full time* at the beginning of this month, but I was under orders to make Indescribable's wedding cake, plus a birthday cake for a Work Hag's huntsman (not quite)hubby - you may see it in it's blood splattered gory glory below - as well as deal with our burgeoning vegetable patch - also below - and a clonked Car! All these tasks meant regular(ish) blogging went out of the window. Again. Perhaps I'll return in June?

Poor, poor bunnies. The fish? Meh. Whatever.

On the left: Vegetable patch as of 2nd May. On the right: 29th May, repleat with (from left to right, ignoring the pots full of lupin, hollyhock, lavender & foxglove seedlings) runner beans, peas, Little Gem & Iceberg lettuces, spring onions, carrots, more beans, a pumpkin, tomatoes, red & green curly leafed lettuces, a courgette, more peas and even more beans. I don't even like beans, so I hope SP is going to eat them all!

A clonked Car. Not clonked by me before you start pointing accusatory fingers. Car was waiting patiently for me to finish my swim and was unceremoniously reversed into by another Alfa. Luckily, we Alfisti stick together so the clonker left a note with her details which means Car should be as good as new imminently.

Actually, speaking of June (up there, before the photos), you may notice that the DVD for Attack of the Smug Marrieds is out in June. June 7th, to be precise, which is the Director's birthday, coincidentally.

And with that, I bid you a short goodbye. See you in June!

* That's full time for me, not everyone else's full time - i.e. two or three posts a week, give or take. Mainly take.

Friday 20 May 2011

Witches getting on Beast's wick

It didn't take long for the blood to stop rushing to his brain and the almost overwhelming nausea and vertigo to fade. As the gold and blue fireworks cleared and his vision returned, he noticed the vast expanse of reeds around him and a distant mansion at the end of a sweeping gravel driveway.
There were voices, too, in mid-conversation.
"Of course, I wouldn't know a snowy egret if I were pissing on one. Lunch?"
"I think it's a little late in the season."
"For lunch?"
"No, pissing on birds."
There was a pause which was when he realised that the two, very familiar, conversationalists were staring at him. Quickly taking in his surroundings, adding two and two together and resignedly coming up with four, he despaired and his shoulders fell.
Oh, no, he thought to himself. Oh, please no. Outwardly, he sighed at the realisation that he'd been dragged over the Cusp again without so much as a by your leave. It was his bloody day off from Cafe C and here he was, over the bloody Cusp in bloody Eastwick, dressed as bloody Fidel to do the bloody bidding of Tim bloody 'Van Horne' and 'Alexandra' bloody DeVice. Plus the rest of the bloody Coven, no doubt. If he'd surmised correctly, they were at the point in the story where Van Horne had invited Alex for lunch - read: banquet - which he, as Fidel, was to prepare. Bloody. Hell.
And to make matters worse, this was yet another non-speaking part. And on his birthday too!
By this time, the stares had turned into baleful gimlet glares with no small amount of contempt evident. Nodding submissively at Tim's unspoken order for an elaborate lunch with which to woo IDV, Beast's shoulders slumped even more as he trudged off towards the mansion kitchens.

A hard day's work later found Beast grappling with suspiciously stiff and stained bed sheets following Tim and IDV's 'retirement' after the lavish meal he'd prepared for them. He shuddered at the memory of them discussing the size of his Roy Cropper bag as if he wasn't right there waiting on them hand and foot, all the while wolfing down his exquisite succulent pork balls and sausage in cider (complete with glistening tomatoes and a constellation of assorted salad vegetables, studded with black olives. Somewhat bizarrely, he thought, they'd declined his kipper surprise). A whimpering that was loud enough to be heard over the crunching of folding sheets snapped him out of his reverie. It was coming from the en suite bathroom. Dropping the sheets with a thud, Beast gingerly opened the door and peered into the steamy room. There was someone curled up in the shower, rocking and crying. It was Tim!
Sighing, Beast prepared himself to comfort the poor boy following IDV's relentless pestering and innuendoing amongst other unmentionable things. Although, quite why Tim put up with it, and even came back for more, was beyond him. Perhaps Tim actually liked it?

That evening, after rushing around getting the washing in after the witches made it rain while playing an infernal game of tennis, vacuuming the entire mansion and clearing up hundreds of balloons from the grand hall & staircase, an exhausted Beast was labouring again over a hot stove to create a meal fit for a bunch of queens. Tim, now fully recovered thanks to Beast's tear & snot-sodden shoulder, along with IDV, Cyber'Jane' and Princess 'Sukie', were mucking about on the poolside, oblivious to all the hard work Beast had put in. To make things worse, Mr C had lumbered Beast with Alfie & Lloyd while he went out to purchase new swimming trunks after the aforementioned Hell Hounds had devoured his existing pair. Gods knew how Mr C had managed to get them over the Cusp. Beast suspected Mr C's demonic inklings were more than just inklings.
With dinner finally ready, Beast wiped the sweat from his brow, pulled off his pinny and picked up the dinner bell before walking out to the swimming pool. Fighting his way through the sheets draped around the room (well, he had to hang the bloody washing somewhere to dry out after that magical rainstorm, didn't he), he raised his bell-hand intending to give it a good shake. However, Alfie & Lloyd got there first. Alfie jumped up at the bell while Lloyd wound himself around the hapless Beast's feet, tripping him up.
Time seemed to slow down as Beast plummeted to the hard tiled floor. He watched the bell describing a perfect arc through the air as it fell from his grasp. He saw the strings and globules of slobber spray out from Alfie's gaping maw as he lunged for the bell. And he noticed the witches levitating over the pool, laughing and giggling while Tim watched from his vantage point, reclined on a chaise longue eating cherries.
Then the bell, narrowly escaping Alfie's snapping jaws, landed with a crash on the tiles. The loud, jarring clang brought time snapping back to it's normal flow and, with it, screams from the witches, all three of whom fell unceremoniously into the pool fully clothed. Beast permitted himself a gleeful smirk. His mirth at their misfortune was short lived however.
"Beast!" Tim yelled. "What the hells are you doing? Stop messing about with those dogs and help the... Girls" he grimaced, "into some nice, clean, fluffy bathrobes." Before he could reply, Tim continued. "And we've run out of cherries - Fetch some more. Preferably some that haven't 'enjoyed' the same experience as your bananas. Oh, and don't bother with dinner - We had pizza delivered earlier and aren't hungry anymore." Beast stood up with his mouth agape. "Well? Snap to it, then!"

The next morning found poor Beast armed with a pair of tongs at the poolside, picking up pieces of Tim's ripped Speedos from the swathes of cherry stones that littered the tiles. He'd politely shunned Tim's request to don rubber gloves for the task, due to his phobia, so as not to contaminate the Speedos with Beastliness, hence the kitchen tongs. He tried not to think how one small pair of trunks could get torn into so many pieces, but knew he'd be consoling Tim very soon when he remembered the 'guests' Tim had been 'entertaining'. Tim usually sold the worn, unwashed trunks on Ebay along with various 'during' photos to various perverts (none of whom live in Norwich, by the way. None at all.) which was how he funded his materialistic, hedonist lifestyle.
Picking up the last shred from the Speedo jigsaw, Beast jumped as Tim bellowed at him from upstairs.
"Beast? Get my car ready," he commanded. "We're going out to get breakfast. Bagels and ice-cream. Now!"
Giving a world-weary sigh, Beast popped the last bit of Speedo into the zip-lock bag containing the rest and headed out to the garage.

In what would have been a hair-raising journey had he got any later, Beast was deposited in the market place while Tim roared off in his MINI Clubfootman for ice-cream. Despite his repeated offers to chauffeur Tim into town, Tim had refused, citing Beast's tendency to drive like an old woman.
Fifteen minutes later, Beast emerged from the hardware store laden down with purchases. It was then that he noticed the wind had got up somewhat. Suddenly, a gale-force gust blew through the market square carrying Tim with it amidst a cloud of feathers. He was filthy - Covered in mud and half-digested cherries, and his clothes were torn and ripped where they'd been scraped along the tarmac. After a brief struggle, Tim managed to get in the car and roared off leaving Beast standing alone with his armfuls of shopping.
Oh, well, Beast sighed to himself. It's probably best that he left me here. I'm sure I don't want to know what they're up to now. Although, I imagine the clearing up will be left up to me again. He huffed and began the long trudge back to the mansion. Perhaps Mr C's tyrannical ruling of Cafe C and his diva rants aren't so bad, after all? he pondered. And at least I haven't had to deal with MJ in this whole Cusp debacle. Speaking of witch which: I wonder where that old baggage is? She's always a part of these adventures.
It was then that he noticed someone on crutches, determinedly headed towards him across the green in front of the church, a steely glint in her eyes and a glassy glint of a bottle of Jameson's sticking out of her pocket.
Oh, dear. I spoke too soon...

The end?

~ ~ ~

Happy birthday, poor belaboured Beast!

~ ~ ~

All Beast photos courtesy of MJ. To find out more about poor Beast, why not click here for MJ's thoughtful snippets about him from last year.

Saturday 30 April 2011

W-W-W-WOW! April edition

~ ~ ~

I'm still not back, by the way.


Maybe soon...

Wednesday 27 April 2011

Beast has The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts!

Yes, those vile and contemptible shorts that we equally loathe and covet are in the UK once more!

See with your eyes the pan-global journey the 'Shorts have taken since their inception back at Christmas in 2004:

No, your eyes do not deceive you. I have, at long last, recreated the FGES Map!

For a definitive history of the 'Shorts illustrious 'caretakers', please click here to visit MJ's.

You'd better get your thinking caps on (I just hope they're not as disease-ridden as the 'Shorts) as Beast will be holding The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition soon. I hope.

~ ~ ~

By the way, this doesn't mean I'm back: I've had this post prepared since the 5th of February!
I may pop back at the end of April to post this month's wwwWOW!, but that'll be it for a while.

I hope you're all behaving yourselves?
* snort *
* snigger *

Sunday 3 April 2011

I Aten't Dead*

As you have no doubt surmised, due to my sporadic appearances both here and at your own blogs, I haven't had much time lately to visit the Blogworld. Hells, I've barely had time for any witchy activity over the Cusp! So, what I'm about to tell you shouldn't come as that much of a surprise:
I, the Host and the SubCs are taking a blog-break.
At the moment, I don't know how long this will be for. It may be a week, a month, or even longer. However, for those of you rejoicing and cheering, I will return at some point, so: Ha! Sorry to spoil your fun.

I was going to post this on the first, but thought you may misinterpret it as an April Fool, so, I've left it until now to ensure that all of you across the globe in your quaint little time zones, have left the first of April well and truly behind so there can be no confusion.

I'll leave you now with a few more cakes to keep you going - Lemon & coconut, for the curious amongst you. Oh, and if and when Beast receives those infernal 'Shorts, I'll pop back and post the new Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Map. I look forward to catching up with your various adventures when I'm back - Soon, hopefully.

Be good. Or at least not too evil.

* Click here and scroll down to the third paragraph to see where I nabbed the title from.

Tuesday 29 March 2011

W-W-W-WOW! March edition

No time to write anything (other than this) - See you in April!

Saturday 26 March 2011

Gayer Cake

Note to self: Don't decorate cakes when bored...

... They turn out gay.

Tuesday 22 March 2011

Shit! What was that?

Oh bugger. That was my youth.

Thank you, ExcelsiorUK.

Tuesday 15 March 2011

Babysitting nightmare

So much for a relaxing night in in front of the telly. SP only agreed to 'babysit' Medusa's son - then promptly went out himself leaving me to deal with the gorgon-spawn.
I don't know why he even needs babysitting? I mean, he's bloody 19!

Oh, don't look the image in the eyes - That whole petrification thing still works.

Hmmm... Probably should have mentioned that first...

Sunday 13 March 2011

Who turned the Ley lines off?

Someone took out Norfolk's Ley lines last night causing no small amount of aerial consternation.

I was on my way back from Indescribable's last night, having had a 'consultation' about her wedding cake - She's getting married in May and asked if I would ordered me to make & decorate her cake. Anyway, after lots of shouting, arguing and gnashing of teeth, I left on Broom under the cover of darkness, nursing overloaded eardrums and the assaulted logic-centre of my brain. It was because of this that I wasn't really taking much notice of where I was going. I figured I'd just get to the Norfolk border and use the Leys to guide me home.
For those not in the know, Ley lines are not otherworldly, or magical in themselves, just alignments of certain places of geographical interest. However, for night flying, some enterprising entity illuminated the lines with a low-level thaumic charge to aid in navigation for those of us with second sight. Last night, however, Norfolk was dark.
It was only when I got to Evilden Elveden that I noticed how dark the countryside
before me was. Luckily, I was flying over the A11 which went all the way to Norwich, so I just followed it, zeroed in on the illuminated Cathedral then turned right just before the airport (Norwich International, what with Norwich being a city and all), narrowly avoided a couple of nuns in a Mini-Metro* (who'd instigated a sudden left turn without putting their indicator on) by descending at speed into our cherry tree.
Needless to say, I am understandably livid. And scratched & bruised - When I moved in with SP, I thought I'd left cherry tree related injuries** behind me, but oh no, SP had to have a cherry tree in his garden, too. There must be some correlation between the supernatural and cherry trees...
Anyway, I have a feeling those Hoodie warlock hoodlums are at the bottom of the thaumic blackout, so I'm just off to do some sleuthing (think a cross between Angela Lansbury's Jessica Fletcher and Eglantine Price but without the old lady costuming) to find out for sure, before giving them what for!
I just hope the Leys will be charged up again soon, as I have some important after-hours business to attend to imminently.

* Quite what they were doing 500 feet up in an ancient, usually land-based Austin, I don't know. Although, I have heard that the Chattering Order of Saint Beryl has opened a convent in the area, which would explain a lot...
** To read more about cherry trees, click here, here or here.

Wednesday 9 March 2011

Star Trek: Voyages That Never Were IV

You may be pleased to hear that this will probably be the last of these Voyages That Never Were posts as, although I have loads of old sketches and designs left, none of them are worthy of publishing. Although, there's always the possibility that I'll create more 'masterpieces' when bored or full of flights of fancy!As you can see, I liked my spherical hulled starships back whenever I created these images.
The Valiant-class vessel (above) would have been a TOS-era ship, probably first commissioned circa 2235.
The little Darwin-class ship (left) never made it past the sketch stage even though I liked the front view and how the secondary hull looked like it was upside down in the side view.
The T'Seren-class ship (below) I envisioned being partially designed by Vulcans (hence the name-see the last point) and brought into service in the 2340s as science & research vessels. I liked the yacht-like lower secondary hull, the elegant nacelles-the front of which look slightly like the bow of a Vulcan long-range shuttle, and the smooth simplicity of the spherical primary hull. I named it after Mount Seleya, on Vulcan.

Here we have four starships from different eras. The Sagittarius-class starship at the top is my favourite - It's a kitbash using a refit Excelsior-class primary hull & shortened secondary hull with Akira-class nacelles & pylons.
The Corona & Valiant-class (a different design to the first starship of this post) are from the TOS era, and the Reliant-class (named after the Miranda-class USS Reliant that Khan commandeered in Star Trek II) from the late 2290s.
I believe I traced some of the components from the Star Trek Encyclopaedia - There's very little freehand detail in these four starships.

The Sirius-class starship (below) was my interpretation of a capital ship from the TNG movie era - Perhaps the late 2370s or early 2380s. The rough sketch bears the name Excelsior, and I intended it to replace the original Excelsior NCC 2000 after almost 100 years of exemplary service.

And that's your lot. Enjoy. Or ignore... And thanks for being patient!

Continued in... Star Trek: The Voyages That Never Were V

Sunday 6 March 2011

Star Trek: Voyages That Never Were III

I've had a busy weekend tidying, sorting and rearranging, and, therefore, have had little time for blogging again. So, in the absence of anything more interesting, may I present to you the third in the series of the Voyages That Never Were. As before, all these sketches are from years past. I'd probably drawn them some time in 1997 as the quilted shoulder uniforms that inspired these were first seen in November/December 1996 when Star Trek: First Contact and Deep Space Nine Rapture aired.
As I said to Princess in the comments there, "My freehand sketches tend to have somewhat bizarre proportions - in or out of a black hole." So, here are some ideas and variations of Starfleet uniforms modelled by those small of head and broad of shoulder:

These uniforms were based on those designs of the late 2360s-early 2370s and 2373 onwards era but using the department colours of the late 2270s-2350s, or thereabouts.

And these are the final designs:

And just to finish off with, the following sketches are of a masculine suit inspired by Seven of Nine's first silver spandex costume. There are also some Borg & Xenomorph oddities to peruse, too:

Continued in... Star Trek: The Voyages That Never Were IV

Saturday 5 March 2011

Star Trek: Camelot

You can thank my sister, Indescribable, for bringing this to my attention and, therefore, to yours.

Thursday 3 March 2011

Where's Witchface?

Well, I expect you want to know what I've been up to seeing as I haven't been around much lately?

Don't you?

Ah, well. Even if you don't I'm telling you anyway!

Firstly, I'm going to let you know why I've been absent: It's because I've been exceptionally tired. And not for the reasons you may think.
No. I've been walking to work for the last few weeks. More, actually. I started walking when the weather was really bad and the foot or so of snow we had didn't disappear because it was so cold! Now, work is only three miles or so away, but navigating through the snow and avoiding incompetent drivers added about 20 minutes to the normal 10 minute drive. Plus, I usually park about a mile from work (because I refuse to pay the extortionate car park prices) which means I have a 15-20 minute walk anyway.
So, I decided to walk to and from work - 40 minutes each way - which meant getting up earlier and, therefore, getting home later than usual. And once home, I still have my Desperate Housewife duties to attend to as well as walking Moom!
To top it all off, work has been exceptionally shit lately which I find tiring. Depressing, stressful and frustrating - These are three of the nicest words I can use to describe it. Ug. I don't even want to talk about it anymore.
Now, you might ask why I don't use Broom for the commute? Well, it's because the mornings are too light now to go flying around for all and sundry to see. Plus, the Civil Service doesn't take too kindly to witchcraft, for some reason, and therefore doesn't provide the requisite landing facilities for non-VTOL (Vertical Take Off & Landing, for those not in the know) brooms.
[Broom via]
The one good thing about all this walking is that I'm not using Car so much. This is a good thing because petrol is now £1.27 a litre! Or at least it was a week ago when I last filled up - It's probably £1.30 now. £71.00 it cost me to fill up. Seventy one shitting pounds! And to make matters worse, I had to fork out £245.00 for a year of Road Tax. It's ridiculous! I don't want to talk about this anymore, either.


So, I suppose I'd better tell you what I've been doing. Sadly, due to the above reasons, I haven't been doing much.

Along with SP, I've entertained various family & friends, including an exceptionally hot demon who works with SP. I'm going to have to keep an eye on their burgeoning bromance. Actually, it's gone well past the bromance stage - They're now calling each other Work Husbands!
I've tidied up the garden and got rid of the corpses of those plants that didn't make it through the bitter winter, and there were a lot of them, let me tell you. This spring is going to be very expensive...
One of the casualties was an old 'friend':
Margaret 2.0's whithered carcass has been tastefully interred hacked to bits and dumped unceremoniously onto the compost heap. Unfortunately, SP wouldn't let her in the house due to her size (too many glasses of fertiliser on the paysho, methinks), so she was banished to the sunroom. Which gets very cold in winter due to having no heating and far too much ventilation - Basically, it's shed with windows. Poor Margaret couldn't cope with a second vicious winter in that room and gave up the ghost.

Here she is in happier times with Car:

Last weekend I half prepared the vegetable patch - I'll finish it off this weekend, weather permitting. I also pruned the cherry trees - Well, I pruned one and had a half-hearted attempt at the other before giving up after being stabbed one too many times in the eyes by errant twigs.Only a few books have been read, but plenty of Sudoku has been done!

Today I had a much needed day off work and went clothes shopping. It turned out to be most successful, to my surprise. I managed to find some slim-fit black casual trousers that were long enough in the leg, three fitted shirts and two thin jumpers to go over them, a nicely detailed long sleeve T-shirt plus some bargain hi-cut canvas boots (that I'm sure 'Petra won't approve of).
I've also been making other worlds and living other lives.

Right. I'm off to unwind with my iTim.

Saturday 26 February 2011

W-W-W-WOW! February edition

Andrew Lee Potts special edition

Well, that's another month almost over with and what have I got to show for it? Barely anything. I can hardly even remember what I've watched on TV. Actually, it was pretty much the same as last month, but at least March will be better as Primeval has finally finished (at least until May) - What a crock that was. I only really watch it for Andrew Lee Potts as Connor Temple. Soooo cute! Oh, and Alexander Siddig (
who used to play Dr Julian Bashir in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) as Philip Burton. One nice surprise in this series of Primeval was the return of Lucy Brown in one episode as Jenny Lewis. Although, I always prefered her as Claudia Brown.
Episodes has finished, too, but No Ordinary Family and Being Human are still on, for a little while, anyway.As for books I've read this month, well, I've managed to read five! I say 'read five', really I've read three and flicked through two. Anyway, they are: Star Trek: Typhon Pact - Seize the Fire by Michael A Martin and Rough Beasts of Empire by David R George III, The Andromeda Strain by Michael Chrichton, The Encyclopaedia of Alien Encounters by Alan Baker, and The Royal Horticultural Society's Gardening Through the Year by Ian Spence

And finally, on to music. The only new CD I've been listening to is the Ministry of Sound Disco Anthems. However, I have been listening to Erasure by Erasure, and various Bananarama tracks including these:

Right. I think that's it for February. See you in March!

Tuesday 15 February 2011


Love, love, love this track:

If you'd like to see more of Siobhan (along with Marcella), click here to travel back in time to 16th December 2007. Or here to see Cookie.

Monday 14 February 2011

Remember when stalkers used to be known as "secret admirers"?

Well, be mine, Valentine!

Yeah, I know: The "secret" bit is redundant.

~ ~ ~

Post created out of lust in response to this:

Slacking, am I, Tim?

Saturday 12 February 2011

Plethora of Pink

This is just a small sample of the Pinkness I found whilst searching for an entry for MJ's Infomaniac Pink Room:

Some of these items can even be found in Castle DeVice!

Wednesday 9 February 2011

Flying time

It feels like I haven't been here for ages, but the last post was only three days ago. I think it's because I'd prepared SP's birthday Square of Lust before hand and haven't spent much time in blogville since the end of January when I prepared & posted the Star Trek items. That Bananarama video was neither here nor there, so that doesn't count, either.
Anyway, I aim to be back by Monday and hope to spend some time in the next couple of days or so catching up with those of you who I have neglected somewhat.

See you soon!

Thursday 3 February 2011

Second planet out

Just because I like it...

Tuesday 1 February 2011

Star Trek: Voyages That Never Were II

Yes, another self indulgent post. This one's about the starships. Almost every Trekker/Trekkie will doodle (or seriously design) Federation Starfleet starships, and I was no different.

This was my interpretation of the USS Titan, the ship that Will Riker assumed command of at the end of Star Trek Nemesis. It was never seen on screen, only mentioned. There was a competition open to the fans to design a new class of starship and the winning design would grace the cover of the Titan-series of novels. It would be forever etched into the Star Trek Universe - A fan's dream! To see more images of the winning design (plus others), created by Sean Tourangeau, just click the links.

Now, this wasn't so much a starship design as a vehicle for subspace sails. Ever since the DS9 episode Explorers featured a Bajoran solar sail space ship, I wondered if something similar could be utilised on starships to generate power and/or provide propulsion. As the third point in the Memory Alpha link points out, a solar sail would have to be miles wide to propel a small caravan-sized ship, so a more technologically advanced design that uses subspace (through which starships travel at warp) rather than normal space as the sail medium would mean that smaller sails could be used.
The masts and 'webbing' shown in the drawing above are the only physical aspects of the propulsion, the sails themselves would be generated as a type of forcefield and extend out for hundreds of metres from the ship into subspace.

When I wasn't designing long, sleek ships like the one with the subspace sails, I was imagining smaller, more technologically advanced future starships. And by future, I mean in The Next Generation's future, not ours (although, it would be ours, too). These starships would be delicate-looking but extremely durable, due to the new alloys used and new production & construction techniques. I envisioned long, slender, slightly curved warp nacelles (and their pylons), oval or spherical primary hulls and small, sleek secondary hulls. All these would fit together to give an insect-like appearance.
The sketches above show a few of my designs along with their contemporary counterparts; a long range Vulcan shuttle, a scout ship, an Akira-class starship and an Olympic-class medical starship. Unfortunately, none of these ideas progressed past the sketch stage - Painting starships is a lot more difficult than slapping some clothes on a fit model!

There may be one more of these Star Trek posts to come, so don't hold your breath for something less boring any time soon...
Shush, you! They seemed to like the last post, so there.

Continued in... Star Trek: The Voyages That Never Were III

Sunday 30 January 2011

Star Trek: Voyages That Never Were

Over the weekend, for reasons so long and complex I shan't bother to go into them here, I spent rather a lot of time thinking about the past. This ultimately led to me sitting on the floor on Sunday Saturday afternoon, ro
uoting through a load of old folders when I would've actually preferred to be doing something more productive like reading a book or taking a nap; I'm right into taking naps at the weekend these days-
Wait, wait, wait. You can't go through Tim's old post crossing out the bad spelling and the bits not relevant to you. Just get on with telling it your own way!
Thank you, Witchface! * tut * Anyway, so there I was, searching through some dusty old folders. I was actually looking for something specific, and after a while I foun-
What did I just say!?
Oh, ALL RIGHT! Jeez...

Anyway, I'm not sure who this post is going to appeal to - with the exception of Tim (possibly) - but, I found these:

I can't remember when I painted these. I know it was years ago, though. The image on the left was my interpretation of a post Next Generation Starfleet environmental suit, and the one on the right is of a utility suit. If memory serves, I'd traced a couple of models from aftershave/eau de toilette ads in a magazine, then drawn on the suits, transferred them onto (cheap) black paper and painted them with acrylic, or possibly gouache, but probably acrylic? Then I used a very fine permanent marker for the detail.

Here are the original sketches & notes, including a standard duty uniform, which really looks like a pair of pyjamas. Perhaps that's why I never painted it?

These are concept sketches of future versions of the rank insignia from The Original Series movie era (excluding The Motion Picture). Either that or alternate universe variants? Now that I've mentioned it, I remember devising a timeline of events which could have happened if the transwarp drive of the USS Excelsior had actually worked (and Torias Dax had not died in the transwarp drive test shuttle). I'll try and find it for a later post in this series.

Finally, here is a future - or alternate universe - version of the Starfleet insignia/communicator.
Oh, and a semi-naked (obviously couldn't be bothered to draw any pants!), devilish-looking crew member modelling it (traced from a magazine again). And, no, I don't know what that strange wing-looking thing on the right is. Maybe it's a wing?

So, that's that, is it? Aren't you going to explain to our readers why you created these concepts and designs?
I see. Then I will. The Host slaved over these creations because he was sad and lone-
OK! I'll explain. Years ago, when I was single, somewhat depressed and disallusioned with the really-quite-crappy real world, the Star Trek Universe was where I escaped to. Either through watching it on TV/DVD or reading about it, both the fictional novels and the factual reference books. Anyway, my imagination was always running away with me, so I started to elaborate on the established Star Trek canon and continuity. I'd get lost for hours extrapolating stories and technology treknology from snippets of information gleaned from the filmed or written adventures as these sketches show.
Eventually, I snapped out of it because I somehow acquired a life, or a reasonable facsimile thereof, and no longer had the time to indulge in the fantasy.

Very occasionally, however, when I find myself cross with the world-at-large and at a loss for something to do , I sometimes briefly revert to that time and let my mind wander in the Star Trek Universe.

Or doodle cartoons...

Continued in... Star Trek: The Voyages That Never Were II