"But Where Are The Knockers?"

 Where indeed, Ms Scarlet?  While there may not be any knockers, amongst this slog of photos from the beach (yes, I was down there again on Thursday - as well as this morning!), there are some ships, cormorants, evolving galaxies, and lashings of sea glass.

 Oh, and that stone spiral mutation on the right, there.

Right.  First up, Thursday's photos - starting with this tired/grumpy (I can't decide which) little turnstone (Arenaria interpres).

Galaxy

 You probably won't be surprised to learn that I ended up down on the beach again yesterday, mucking about with pebbles and the like.  On the right, there, is my latest creation, "Galaxy".

Poncey, eh?

 Quiet, you!
 Anyway, two days is all it took to scatter my previous spirals, so I put them back together in different configurations, then collected some orange/tan pebbles, and some worn amd broken roof tiles, and created Galaxy and a Tower of Tiles.

Scattered spirals

Tower of Tiles

Penetration of Plunge Pools and Other Key Holes

 In the comments of the previous post, on Thursday I said to Dinahmow that I was going down to the beach again, and these are the photos I took while I was down there.

 It was a really nice, bright, sunny morning - relatively warm when sheltered from the cool breeze - so I spent far more time down there than I intended.  And, because it was low tide, I ventured beyond the End-of-the-Line!

Canyons and river valleys in miniature!

Here's an old groyne penetrating someone's plunge pool (not The Very Mistress's this time)

End-of-the-Line Updates #2.5, #3 & #4 (with a touch of Glamour)

 I thought it was about time we had another End-of-the-Line update, considering that the last one was nearly two months ago (plus, this will get rid of another draft post that's been languishing since 18th August).  Aside from the rapidly disappearing End-of-the-Line, the local geography/geology seems to be getting back to normal thanks to the high tides and rough seas scouring away the fallen cliff detritus.

 This is a photo-heavy post so, like the last one, I'm not going to be doing much talking.

From 10th August:

Surges of Spume-laden Surf

 These photos are from this morning's brief perambulation along the promenade.  Surprisingly, I didn't get too wet!

This shot is from the slipway at the foot of the Pauls Lane access slope to the beach

I'd walked east along the prom then turned back to take this photo

Heading east again

September Has Spiralled Away

I know!  I'm just as shocked as you are,

broken-stone-Cyberman-mask-in-the-sand.

Time is certainly flying by...

 I popped down to the beach for a swim on the 22nd, but the sea was too choppy, so I mooched about on the shoreline, picking up pretty stones and the like, instead.  As the sundials I'd previously created* had been washed away (or swiped aside by seagulls/children/Chronosfear/League Against Time-telling Equipment et al), I thought about making more, but stopped in my tracks when I realised that in sorting the stones, I'd created a rather pleasing spiral.
 So I carried on until the groyne post was packed with stones!

Not the DeVice Mansion Gardens

 I visited Urban Jungle near Norwich on Thursday (last seen two years ago, here), and the Old Vicarage gardens at East Ruston yesterday.  Four plants came home with me on Thursday, and just one yesterday.  However, I also acquired a pocket full of various seeds!  Unlike Thursday at Urban Jungle where I took photos of the plants that I liked (and that were suitable for the DeVice Mansion gardens) along with their labels (so I wouldn't have to try and remember/guess what they were later), only by chance did a couple of photos from East Ruston match up to some of the seeds I appropriated.
 The seeds were all stuffed into a pocket of my bag, and when I got home, I spent an age racking my brain to remember which plants they came from, and then another eternity scouring the internet trying to find out the plants' names.  I've done quite well, I think.  Only one seed pod is completely unknown, and another (the one that looks like a bottom) I have a general idea of.

 I began by separating and sorting the seeds, then writing a brief description of the plant they came from (if I remembered). Then, after much some research, I wrote the actual plant name with seed propagation info (if found).  Spiralling inwards (clockwise) from top left:

1. 

   The completely unreal looking fruits of Dianella caerulea

   No description because the bright blue fruit was very memorable - discovered to be Dianella caerulea, aka flax lily. 
2. Again, no description because of its uniqueness.  This is the one I only have a general idea of - I think its from some sort of Crinum, or other similar lily-like bulb.  
3. "Peanutbutter plant" is the description, but I can't remember the proper name.  I used to have one in the gardens of Castle DeVice which, when the leaves were lightly crushed/bruised, would smell of peanut butter, hence my description.
4. "Popping seed plant.  About 1m tall, leggy, in shade, white and purple 'bonnet'-like flowers." - This, I discovered, is an invasive species, Impatiens glandulifera 'Himalayan balsam'. I've written "Don't grow!"
5. "Unknown" - Except, I remembered what plant these seeds came from soon after writing that: The dried flower head of an Allium.
6. "Grass - wispy seed heads about 50cm tall" - I'm not buggering about trying to find out what sort of grass as its grass.  It'll grow.
7. No description as I knew what plant these were from: Echium!

8. 

   Camera has done its usual sterling job of focusing
   everywhere but at the ruddy great thing in the foreground
   that was the obvious subject of the bloody, buggery photo!

   "Column of blackberries"  These attractive, edible-looking black berries (so therefore they must be highly poisonous) yielded small, bean-shaped, shiny black seeds.  It took some research, but I eventually found out that these are from Phytolacca acinosa, aka Indian pokeweed.  And, yes, it's poisonous.
9. "Unknown plant - about 1m tall, leggy, in shade." - Yep, this is the completely unknown one.  It came from near the entrance to the gardens, but I can't for the life of me remember anything about the plant.  The seed pod does look a little like an Aquilegia seed pod, but with only three lobes.

Are You My Knight in Shining Armour or a Twat in Tinfoil?

What do you say?  Shall we?

Ye Olde TV

 I am somewhat exhausted after chronicling our recent escapades over the Cusp (see previous six posts), as well as dealing with various family issues (medical emergencies, transportation, and taking on the 'School Run Mum' role, amongst other things - and all seem to have occurred on the hot, sunny days, leaving me with the overcast, windy and rainy days) so I have been watching TV in between the fetching and carrying.
 Mostly, I have been rewatching old things, or old things made new.  It's been a bit like comfort eating.  Which I have also been doing a lot of...

 Anyway, on with the shows!

Smack the Pony - a comedy sketch show from 1999 to 2003 performed by Fiona Allen, Doon Mackichan, and Sally Phillips.  It also featured Sarah Alexander, Darren Boyd, and Cavan Clerkin.

(Three of my favourite sketches can be found at 8:19 "Competitive singing", 10:40 "Window Cleaner", and 22:50 "Competitive make-up")

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - selected episodes from 1993 to 1994, including the first season finale In the Hands of the Prophets, and the season two opening trilogy The Homecoming, The Circle, and The Seige.  A couple of Cardassian-centric episodes Cardassians and Tribunal, and the shocking season two finale, The Jem'Hadar.

The I.T. Wizard of Oz

Continued from... Visiting the Viridian Village

 "Look!" said Maddie as she hovered just below the clouds above the Viridian Village.  "There's the old Scarecrone outside the palace."
 "Where?" Jon burst out of the cloud, wings outstretched as he scoured the ground below.
 "There.  Heading towards the gates with the others."
 "Oh, yes, I see.  Come on" Jon beckoned Maddie and a couple of her nubile, young flying monkey houseboys, "let's go get her!"

~o~

 "I'm not sure how I feel about this?" Mago pondered.
 "About what, Mr Mags?"
 "About stealing IDV's broom for the wizard.  I just don't think it's right."
 "But that was the deal" Ms Scarlet said.  "The broom in exchange for wi-fi & satnav for me, courage for Beast, and the surgery required to get that tin foil hat off your head!  I don't think Mr Devine will give it up voluntarily, so we'll just have to take it."
 "Oh, nein.  It's not the stealing that concerns me.  I mean: I'm worried that that old broom will never get the Wizard all the way to south-east Texas!"

I think we probably should have featured Broom earlier, hmm?

Oh!  We could have used it to fly off on when The Very Mistress first turned up in Loompaland!

Bugger!  A missed opportunity.
Hang on a minute.  The wizard doesn't escape Oz on a broom, he uses a hot air bal-

 "Quiet, you two!"
 "Who are you berating, Very Mistress?  No one said anything?"
 "Oh, just IVD's and the Host's meddlesome, irritating SubConsciousnesses.  I've been able to hear them since their birthday last year.  I don't know how he puts up with them?"
 Thank you!
 "Wha-?  Who said that??"

Oh, shit.

Shhhh!  You're not the narrator.

Well, who is?  The writing's all in white, so it appears to be Witchface,
but it's all over the shop, so who can tell?

Anyway!  Back to the gates...

 In a flurry of feathers fit for the most fabulous of drag queens, Maddie, Jon, and a couple of minor flying monkeys carrying some sort of wooden contraption, swooped down upon the Blogorati.
 "Aaaaaiiieeeee!!!  They're in my hair!  They're in my hair!!" Beast shrieked like a little girl and ran around waving his hands above his head ineffectually.

 "Shut up, Baldilocks" The Very Mistress said scornfully, rolling her eyes "they're not here for you."  The flying monkeys set down and beckoned her to the sedan chair.
 "Ms Mistress!" Ms Scarlet piped up.  "Where are you going?"
 "The same place as you - to IVD's castle."
 "But...?" Ms Scarlet waved her arm towards the sedan chair and the waiting monkeys.
 "The thought of being stuck in a car for another journey with Beast and his flatulent arse was too much, so while you were seeing the wizard, I called for a lift" The Very Mistress explained as she got in the chair and the flying monkeys prepared for take off.  "Fortunately, there's only enough room for one.  Byeeeee!"

~o~

Visiting the Viridian Village

Continued from... Feather Brained

 "I can't believe what happened to me!!!" Ms Scarlet shrieked after her treatment at the gate.  "How.  Why?  Why would you do that to me???  I am going to have to go and shower now, and I will probably have nightmares tonight."
 "Woof!" said Sid.
 "What?" said a rather confused looking Hound.
 "I need a good dry cleaner's and a therapist after being subject to your disgusting... thing!"
 "What are you talking about, bab?  It's not disgusting.  It might be breaking the laws of nature, but it's not disgusting.  It's perfectly unnatural."  Fearing an international incident at the amount of huffing and foot-stamping going on, Hound opened the gates to the Viridian Village to let the strange party in.
 "Oh, I don't want to see" Ms Scarlet pouted.  Beast poked his around the gate, his smirk at Ms Scarlet's earlier treatment disappeared.
 "Oh" he said.  "Well, that's unexpected."
 Mago was next to go through. "Ja" he agreed, and beckoned Ms Scarlet and The Very Mistress through.

 There, behind the gate in Hound's little alcove, was an array of complicated looking contraptions, including what looked like pieces of a Whimshurst machine or Van de Graaf generator, and a tin foil Tik-Tok man.
 "What's this?" Ms Scarlet asked as Sid raised his hackles and growled.  "What is all this stuff?"
 "If you must know" Hound began, trying to ignore the vibrating, growling Sid, "I have constructed a full-body, tin foil, tik-tok armour, but it needs electricity to power some of the components.  Electricity which can be harvested from the static shocks created by fondling those enchanted, emerald, polyester elf shorts you're wearing!"
 Ms Scarlet managed to look both confused and relieved.  "Well" she said, eventually.  "I suppose that's all right, then.  Carry on."
 "Now you've all had a good gawp at my little fetish, I shall repeat my original question: What do you want!?"

Feather Brained

Continued from... The Pink Carriage of No Horse Drawn

 Goading each other on, and sniggering over smutty innuendos, two flying monkeys swooped down towards a fast-moving, pink car...

~o~

A little while later back at Castle DeVice...

 "What in the Christing Hells is this?!"
 Before me, my highest ranking flying monkeys, Head Gardener Nikko Jon, and Head Fancier Chistery Maddie, presented a radio-controlled, miniature FAB 1, complete with little puppet passengers inside.
 "You don't want it?"
 "Is this not what you asked for?"
 One of them sniggered amongst a ruffling of feathers.
 "Look at it!" I screeched.  "They're bloody puppets!"
 "Marionettes, actually" Jon said.
 "Aaaaaaaarrrrrgh!"

 "This is what you showed us in the crystal ball, Tootes" said Maddie.
 "Yes.  It's not our fault you hadn't put your reading glasses on."
 "You showed us a small, radio-controlled car.  How were we supposed to know you wanted the real thing?"
 Someone sniggered again, this time without bothering to mask it with a wing shake.
 "Christ!  Would you give me just a small break?  Why in all Hells would I want you to fetch me a toy car?" I hissed while pinching the bridge of my nose, which - to be fair - was bereft of reading glasses.  "You wouldn't be like this to The Very Mistress, would you?"
 The two flying monkeys gave each other smirking 'looks'.
 "I might" said Jon
 "Yeah, me too" Maddie agreed.

 "Really?" I countered, a plan forming.  I affected my best stern Very Mistress pose and pulled out my crystal ball complete with a fully formed image of The Very Mistress herself.  Without make-up!
 "Aaiieeee!!!"
 "Eeeeeeeeeeek!!!"
 They both screamed like Ned Flanders and flew away in a flurry of feathers.
 "How does she do it?"  I muttered, willing my blood pressure to drop. "How does the Very Mistress put up with such nincompoopery?  I need a gin.
 "Or twelve."

~o~