Hello and welcome to The First Annual Coven Awards.
Oh, for Christ's sakes! Will you two be quiet!
I kind of agree with them. Just get on with it - don't do a big speech or anything.
Right. Fine. I'll get straight to the point, then.
Thank you all for coming. Let's get on with the show - after leaving out the first ten minutes...
* Ahem *
The nominees for the award of Best Book, are: Burning Dreams by Margaret Wander Bonano, The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, Wicked by Gregory Maguire and Warpath by David Mack. And the award goes to * rrrip "mmfff" tear * The Time Traveller's Wife!
The nominees for the award of Best Film, are: Little Miss Sunshine, Serenity, Brokeback Mountain and X-Men: The Last Stand. The award goes to "Ooh. I can't get this one open. Hang on. Hang on... There!" Little Miss Sunshine!
The Best Male Actor nominees are: Daniel Craig for Casino Royal, Nathan Fillion for Serenity, Jake Gyllenhaal for Brokeback Mountain and Patrick Stewart for X-Men: The Last Stand. * rrip * And the award goes to Patrick Stewart!
The Best Female Actor nominees are : Toni Collette for Little Miss Sunshine, Famke Janssen for X-Men: The Last Stand, Michelle Williams for Brokeback Mountain and Abigail Breslin also for Little Miss Sunshine. "Who stuck this one down? I can't budge it! Mmmmph... Rrrrrgh..." *tear * "Aha!" And the winner is Michelle Williams!
The nominees for the award of Best TV Drama are: Battlestar Galactica, Lost, Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives, with the award going to * rrriiip * Grey's Anatomy!
The Best Factual or Reality TV nominees are: Galapagos, Planet Earth, Colin & Justin's Wedding Belles and Strictly Come Dancing. * tearr * And the award goes to Planet Earth!
The nominees for the Most Entertaining TV Couple are: Five's Colin & Justin, Teachers' Brian & Kurt, Malcolm In The Middle's Lois & Hal and Star Trek Enterprise's Trip & T'Pol, with the award going to * rrrrip * Colin & Justin!
The nominations for Best Delivery Service include: Parcel Force, DHL, Planet Express and Bihand, with the award going to * sliiiice * "Ooh, it's much better with this fish slice" Planet Express!
Best album nominees are: Ta Dah by the Scissor Sisters, Supernature by Goldfrapp, Electric Blue by Andy Bell and The Understanding by Royksopp. The award goes to * ssliice * The Understanding!
The special award for Best Single Remix goes to Ewan Pearson for his Disco Odyssey (parts 1 & 2) of Ride A White Horse by Goldfrapp
The nominees for the Most Fanciable Animated Male are: Futurama's Philip J Fry, Disney's Aladdin, Pokemon's Ash and Dungeons & Dragons' Hank. And the winner is * tear * Fry!
A special mention has to go to Disney's Prince Eric, from The Little Mermaid, for being the best looking animated male.
Nominees for the Most Fanciable Animated Female are: Miyazaki's Princess Mononoke, Futurama's Amy Wong, Betty Boop and Battle Of The Planets' Princess, with the award going to * sliiice * Amy Wong!
The Most Fanciable Flesh & Blood Female nominations are: Smallville's Kristine Kreuk, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer's Alyson Hannigan, Grey's Anatomy's Katherine Heigl and Desperate Housewives' Eva Longoria. The award goes to * cut * Alyson Hannigan!
Oooh, did you see the look she got from Kristine Kreuk. Daggers, I tell you!
The Most Fanciable Flesh & Blood Male nominees are: Grey's Anatomy's Patrick Dempsey, Lost's Josh Holloway, Desperate Housewives' Doug Savant and Star Trek: Enterprise's Connor Trinneer. * sliice * And the award goes to Connor Trinneer!
Connor Trinneer also gets a special award for Best Sci-Figure
The Most Fanciable Animated Transformer nominees are: Bumblebee, Hot Rod, Soundwave and Arcee - if you like that kind of thing. * sliiit * And the award goes to Hot Rod!
A special award for the Best Blogger Adopted Saying goes to Patrick Stewart for "It's too late. I've seen it all!" from Extras. As championed by the Coven Of Hags.
2006: A year of IDV
January - A few more of the Supernaturals were introduced and the DVD player and I almost came to blows. There was an abundance of swearing because of the DVD player's reluctance to work properly... First time commenters included: Tina, The Lady Muck, Wyndham the Triffid, Piggy & Tazzy, The Merkin and S.I.D.
February - More trouble from that DVD machine, and from familiars and gargoyles. There was an incident with a sexy neighbour, a Wizard of Oz-like drama and IDV taught you how to Walk Through Rain Without Getting Wet. First time commenters included: Tickersoid (nee Steelworker), Brianne, Kyahgirl and Convict
March - A parallel universe disaster! A birthday! And the start of some Supernatural flirting! First time commenters included: Spike, Shiftclick, Frobisher and Beast
April - The month of porn, poo, poems and pesky sisters. Not forgetting the Brown Jelly Babies, of course. First time commenters included: The various Corpses Of Marcus Tal, Fuckkit, Qenny, Ickle_Bro, Miss T (nee Miss Haversham), Dinah, Jay and Dora & Tina
June - Vexing vampire related family troubles and airship shennanigans. June was also he month of comment-flirting! First time commenters included: Tim, Snooze, Ken, Awaiting Xtasy, Toby (xxx) and Cyberpete
July - Ah. heat inspired questionning and the 100th post! No regular first time commenters now until November.
August - A book review, an eye full and a holiday
September - Postcards from the edge (of known space), Fuckwittage and a holiday horror!
October - A month of Vampiritis, being stalked by a Porsche-driving, possibly legless, um... stalker, errant time zones, Hallowe'en and a year of Blogging
November - Pictures, cartoon crushes and an unveiling. First time commenters included: Skillz and Mutleythedog
December - Supernaturals Return, disappearance, a brown accident with Father Christmas and The Four Stablehands Of The Apocalypse
And that's it for 2006. Unless I get caught up in another time-travelling accident and have to relive bits of it.
Anyway, from myself, IDV, and my Subconscious, and from the Host and his Subconscious, have a splendid 2007!
Bugger (last one of the year)