Wednesday 28 January 2009

For Piggy

* S N A P S *

There. Satisfied, Piggy?

You didn't think there was an actual physical prize, did you? I still haven't got around to posting Snooze's prize for guessing what the initials SP stood for. And, you'll have to share those snaps with T-bird because she made the effort to describe which part of Aliens the quote was from.

Now. No squabbling over it.

Monday 26 January 2009

An ill wind

Firstly, apologies for my unnotified absence. I would have posted earlier but I was rather vexingly detained on my way back from Tartarus. I'd 'misplaced' my paperwork you see, and almost became a permanent 'resident' what with being a little bit undead.

Anyway, the delay meant that I only just managed to keep ahead of the windstorm that was heading towards home. I really need to get a new, faster broom...

"This is IDV turning on final. Coming around to a seven-zero-niner. Terminal guidance locked in. Where's the damn beacon?*" Then I saw it emerge from the low cloud ceiling. From the twilight haze ahead, the distant city landing beacons became visible and the disembodied voice of the air traffic controller echoed in my head.

"That's a negative, IDV. We've got several nannies primed for dust-off."


"We're expecting an imminent wind change. The met. tower has checked and verified."

I swore under my breath. "Bugger." This is why I hated coming in late ahead of a prevailing wind.

"Please join the stack until the nannies are clear."

I sighed and directed Broom into a holding pattern above the other circling airspace users. Peering down, I noticed a couple of other witches near the bottom of the stack, the nightship above them, a druid atop a surprisingly manoeuverable megalith** and, directly beneath me, Dragon. She waved and grinned, baring far too many teeth for my liking. I smiled insincerely back at her. At that moment, the air traffic controller cut in again:

"Here comes the wind change now. Stand by for some chop."

From the city below, movement caught my eye. Ascending from the big houses were dozens of prim nannies hanging beneath umbrellas and parasols, looking for all the world like seeds blown from a dandelion clock. Much as I loathed waiting in a stack like any of your common or garden arial entities, the sight of that many airborne nannies was truly something to behold. However, my awe was about to be rudely interrupted.


"Good. Gods!" I exclaimed as a cloud of noxious fumes arose from below me. I covered my nose and looking down to see Dragon looking sheepish. "What ever have you been eating?"

Dragon looked even more abashed.

"Oh no, not those fat kids from the council estate? I told you fast food was bad for you. And just think of your cholesterol levels!"

* Snaps to whomever guesses the film that this line is taken from.
** Well, how do you think they transport all those stones to make henges?

Monday 19 January 2009

East Angular

Now, before I tell you who guessed the last Item of Interest item correctly, I'd like to present to you this rather amusing take on Kanye & Estelle's "American boy" by Thomsta (whoever he is). It's called "East Anglian boy" and rips the piss out of the East Anglian stereotype, as well as showing off some of our locales. It was featured on Kiss radio station at some point recently - I have no idea when because I don't really listen to it myself.

I would just like to point out that I am not a typical East Anglian boy because, luckily, The Mother's family doesn't come from around here.

Oh, and for the uninitiated (i.e. non-Britlanders), East Anglia is a region of England which comprises the four counties of Norfolk, Suffolk, Cambridgeshire and Essex.

If that video didn't automatically start playing the next one, click here to have a listen. It's how we East Anglians actually speak. Really. Except me, of course.

- - -

Right then, I'd better let you know who guessed the Item of Interest correctly.

It was so nearly 'Petra with "Obviously it's a swarovsky crystal whiskey bottle. You know, the Blake Carrington variety of Dynasty." But Eros was the first to guess correctly with "I was going to say glass window or a new crystal ball, but I'm taking another guess. It's a decanter." He managed to pip you other 'decanter guessers' at the post (yes, you Ponita & T-Bird). Oh, and I know I said you can make up something preposterous, but Tim took it to a new level with "It's the view from the inside of your bizarre bile-and-newspaper chrysalis where you're hibernating after eating Beaky's family."

- - -

Ooh, one last thing: The post title isn't spelt incorrectly. It's a nod to the infamous (well, at least here in the UK and India) Jade Goody's spectacular lack of pronunciation and geographical knowledge.
Here's a transcript of her East Angular conversation with Spencer whilst in the Big Brother 2 house:

Spencer: "You know you see those people in Venice standing on the back of gondolas, pushing it around?"
Jade: "They don't do that on the Thames though, do they?"
Spencer: "No. I don't work on the Thames. I work in Cambridge."
Jade: "Is there not the Thames there?"
Spencer: "No!"
Jade: "Is there a river called the Cambridge river?"
Spencer: "Yeah, it's called the Cam."Jade: "Really? You swear? I only thought there was the Thames. I thought that was the main one in London."
Spencer: "It is. I don't live in London."
Jade: "I'm confused. I thought Cambridge was in London. I knew Birmingham weren't in London."
Spencer: "Would you like to go and tell the group what you just said?"
Jade: "No..."
Spencer: "Cambridge is a city."
Jade: "But we've got a city in London."
Spencer: "Yes. This city is called London. And there's different parts of it. Cambridge is a city."
Jade: "Of where? Kent?"
Jade: "Well England's a country, London's a city, Bermondsey's just a throw-off. Now where are you? What's your country, and what's your things?"
Spencer: "What country am I from? England. The city is called Cambridge, the county Cambridgeshire."
Jade: "So not Kent then?"
Spencer: "Nooooo.... The region is called East Anglia."
Jade: East Angular? That's abroad. Is there not a place called East Angular abroad?"
Spencer: "Jade, have you been taking the stupid pills again?"
Jade: "Every time people tell me they work in East Angular, I actually think they're talking about near Tunisia and places like that. Am I thick?"
Spencer: "Well, I hate to say it, but you are."Jade: "Cos Scottish and Irish and all that comes under England, doesn't it?"
Spencer: "No... They come under Great Britain. Scotland and Wales have their own flags. Northern Ireland and Ireland are different."
Jade: "So they're not together? Where's Berlin?"
Spencer: "Germany..."


Friday 16 January 2009

Items of Interest: Liquid lunch for me, Mrs M.

Ah, I'm already on the fourth in the Items of Interest series. Just goes to show that I've got bugger all else to blog about, doesn't it?

Well, actually, I do have a couple more posts in mind, but they're a bit lengthy and I haven't had time to compose them properly. I might have a go at one of them while I'm in the bath later...

Anyway, back to this post. You know what to do: Guess what the item in question is. Or, at least, make up something preposterous.

Away you go, then!

P.S. The item in question (as can all the other Items of Interest) can be seen in this post, albeit from a distance.

Monday 12 January 2009

The Worm Has Turned!


I found this daubed on a piece of street furniture at the back of my home:

It would appear that Timothy Elizabeth Leng, concerned at my less than regular posting, has turned from stalkee to stalker to find out what I've been up to that's more important than paying him compliments. Albeit rather blatantly salacious and lascivious ones.

Oh, he might put up a fuss at my 'attentions', but he gets exceedingly jealous if I so much as look at another blogger!

Anyway, it seems he's fought off other would-be stalkers and claimed his territory by leaving his mark:

Looks like he needs a little more practise with the spray control, though. Just look at the run-off on the L & E. Not to mention the faded downstroke on the G.

Come on, Tim. I expected more from you. And how about a little colour next time, hmm?

Friday 9 January 2009

S is for Something...

nooze has tasked me with this meme. How this memetic works is that you leave a comment on this post, and I'll assign you a letter. Then you write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.

I (as well as all others) was given the letter S, so it seems only fitting that the first subject should be Snooze herself. After all, she is ever so delightful. Even though she does get turned on by wearing snugly fitted jeans. Does anyone else have this affliction?

tar Trek: Deep Space Nine.
I like Star Trek in general, but I love DS9. The premise, the characters, the space station itself (and the attached starship Defiant), the ongoing story arcs - It's just like a soap opera in space, but with much better acting and less sex. However, there are bigger shoulderpads - At least, those worn by the Klingons and Romulans are.I especially love the continuing stories being told in the DS9 relaunch series of novels (which are being released far too slowly for my liking).
My hopes are up that the new Star Trek film (out this May) will be just as good. You'd better not dash them, JJ Abrams!

parky Malarkey, the blog-home of Tim, Hottest Blogger Evah!

I think we all know how I('d like to) feel about this particular blogger, so I shall say no more.

* prepares stalking outfit and readies Broom for a 150 mile night flight *


The number, not the film.

Just because.

t. James, Marc. The most adorable, sycophantic, curly-haired, evil minion an ambitious fashion bitch could ever want for. And Wilhelmina Slater from MODE magazine is that bitch.
Michael Urie, AKA Marc St. James in Ugly Betty, has some of the best lines and quotes from the show:
Marc - Whoa. Fill my bucket with nothing but thighs!
Wilhelmina - Relax, Colonel. We all know you prefer nuggets.
Marc - Little glitch. A teeny, tiny, Cindy Crawford mole-sized problem. It seems St. Patrick's is already booked for June sixteenth.
Wilhelmina - What?!
Marc - Oh, what do you get with St. Patrick's? Bad incense and a lot of guilty men in dresses.


Now, this could be actual light from the sun, which I'm really missing at the moment. It's been so cold, dark and dismal here in Britland lately. I know it's winter and that I always moan that it's too hot when the sun's out in summer, but I wish spring would hurry up - I'm sure I'm becoming deficient in vitamin D.

Or, it could be the films Sunshine, or Little Miss Sunshine, both of which I feel like watching right now.

auvignon Blanc.
Aahhhhhh... My wine of choice. I particularly enjoy a 2007 vintage from the Marlborough region in New Zealand. Very drinkable!
And, to accompany this delightful wine, I prefer the next S in this meme...

our cream & chive Kettle Chips. Yum!

The only problem with these crisps is that they seem to be inhaled eaten rather quickly.


What better way to spend an evening, than to argue about words/spellings/points, endure papercuts from vicious dictionaries, wonder who'll get the Q, fall out with one's significant other and then swipe the board and its contents across the room.

Of course, looking for those elusive tiles down the back of the sofa and in the light fittings can make the morning after equally entertaining.

o, finally, S is for SP. He who helps me drink the wine, eat the crisps and get huffy over Scrabble!

Thank you for a most enjoyable meme, Snooze. If anyone would like to play, just request a letter in the comments and I'll provide you with one.

Sunday 4 January 2009

Over The Cusp: A look back

Because I'm pressed for time-
And lazy.
Quiet you! As I was saying before Witchface's SubC so rudely interrupted, I have very little time on my hands right now, so I've had to resort to re-posting. Kind of. So, if you good Bloggers find yourselves with the excess time that I don't have, here're the links to 2008's jaunts from over The Cusp should you wish to relive the horror. If you don't, you'll just have to lump it! Enjoy-
If you can.
Timothy Scissorhands

The Frog Prince

The Prince(ss) and the Pee