Friday, 30 April 2010

Vermin's the Pot Noodle of vampire snacks*

Well, here we are at the end of the month again. Not the end of April again. Well, not for me, anyway. Some of you may have been living the month of April again and again and again, maybe because you've chosen to, or maybe because you're stuck, but for most of us (I imagine) this is first and only time through.

What was I saying?

Ah, yes. End of the month. So, here is the prerequisite book update post. Let's start from where we left off last time and go straight to the tenth book Ive read this year:

10. Bad Blood (a Being Human novel), by James Goss

George is a werewolf, Mitchell is a vampire, and Annie is a ghost, and they all live together in Annie's old house in Bristol. Annie has organised a bingo night to raise money to refurbish the community centre and the boys have turned up - just about on time - to support her. Sounds pretty run-of-the-mill, doesn't it? It's not, though. Not by a long shot. Especially when the vampire Human Resources manager at the local hospital turns up!
There's more to it than that, of course, but I don't want to spoil it for anyone who might be about to read it. However, I will say this: Bad Blood is a very well written story about the Being Human trio. I totally believed in it. I think it was because the author has really got a feel for the characters - How they 'sound', their mannerisms and the way they react to things. I heartily recommend this book!

* This post's title came from this book.

11. Single White Vampire, by Lynsay Sands

As I mentioned to 'Petra: "Don't bother purchasing (or reading) Single White Vampire (unless you already have) - What a crock! One dimensional characters bounce from one conveniently placed plot device (no relation) to another. And while there are the expected sex scenes, they are heterosexual. But luckily, they're not too explicit - Well, the lady-bits aren't!"
And what I omitted to mention was that the lead female character is annoying beyond reproach. Quite how the Single White Vampire in question fell for her and dumped his Singleton status I don't know?
Actually, she did put out a lot. The slut. And she sure as hells moans a lot during sex. Not whiny moaning, sex moaning. Yuk!

I brought this on myself, of course. Totally judged a book by it's cover. Well, I say 'judged', more like 'took one look at the cover model and fell in lust'!

12. Zombie, an anthology of the undead, edited by Christopher Golden

Ooh, loads of good takes on zombies in this book. Among my favourites are Lazarus, by John Connolly - The story of Lazarus' resurrection from his point of view (seems like that busy-body Jesus should have left him alone); What Maisie Knew, by David Liss - A zombies-as-commodities story; The Wind Cries Mary, by Brian Keene - A ghost/zombie love story of sorts, and; Twittering From The Circus Of The Dead, by Joe Hill - A girl Twitters for her life as her family are all zombified.

13. Star Trek: Nero, by Mike Johnson, Tim Jones & David Messina

This comic/graphic novel collects the four issues about the Romulan Nero which cover the 25 year gap in the film Star Trek. Did that sentence make sense? I keep reading it and reading it, but to no avail. Ah, well...
Anyway, this book gives more insight into the villain, Nero, and his personal vendetta against Spock and the United Federation of Planets. It's cinematic in scope, with a dark tone, which is good, really, as it's based on a film! As with other graphic novels, I lament at the portrait layout - For a truly cinematic
feel (and easier read), a landscape layout would really do wonders.

14. Tall, Dark and Dead (well, nobody's perfect...), by Tate Hallaway

Oh dear. See what I thought of Single White Vampire up there to see what I think of this particular 'tome'. Except that the cover is Chick-Lit Shit.
A book I've owned for over two years and only just got around to reading (I wish I hadn't bothered) even though it has been mentioned in this blog before - click here and scroll down to the first award.
This book, the fourteenth I've read this year, means that I've already equalled the amount of books I read in all of last year. And it's still only April!

Ummm... Actually, I wrote this review based on the first couple of chapters of TD&D (which were pretty shit), but I've since read the rest and, I'm happy to tell you, it's MUCH better than Single White Vampire. The characters (mostly) have more than one dimension and the sex (what little there is, thanks gods) isn't all moany!

And there we have it for another month. Byeeee!

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Wednesdays are orange?

No, this is not a promotion for Orange - I just like the ad.

P.S. For some very Sparky Malarkey, Tim is holding a competition that could very well make my dreams come true - Albeit in miniature cardboard form. I suggest you get yourselves over there to see what it's all about.


Monday, 26 April 2010

I've got a Rocket

We just love Goldfrapp's latest single here at Castle DeVice.

That's all.

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Wherefore art thou, Freakin' Green Elf Shorts?

Acquiring target...

Zoom in...

Target locked!

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts were last seen slinking around 'Petra's ankles covered in the gayest period ever after trawling the tranny bars of Denmark.
Quite how 'Petra has managed to keep a hold of them this long, is beyond me. Those 'Shorts are rife with so many kinds of biological excreta, that they now qualify as a lifeform in their own right. And as such, are surprisingly mobile! For proof, just click here, or look at the pictures below of the 'Shorts attacking unwary Bloggers.

You want to know why MJ never shows her face on her blog? It's because she no longer has one. I only hope ErosWings was a bit more fortunate after his encounter...

Speaking of encounters, it's Donn's turn next with The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts, so get a move on 'Petra, and get them mailed out pronto!

And, for those of you who have little to no knowledge of the whys-&-wherefores of the 'Shorts, please see MJ's Definitive History of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts. You may also like to peruse my map of their travels across the globe:

Click to embigulate. I do keep threatening to redo the map as the UK is getting a little crowded. However, I don't really want to see those hideous things back here, so that'll give me an excuse not to tinker with the map. Oh, unless Tim wins them, of course...

Sunday, 11 April 2010


Well. Here we are again at Dead Endsville. I've got a couple of posts lined up, but they're not finished and I can't be arsed to make the effort complete them to my exacting satisfaction. So, instead, I bring you another meme, the third in this series, actually. The first two can be found here, and here, if you're so inclined.

Better get on with it, I suppose.

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages). OK. It's the really-very-good-actually Being Human novel Bad Blood by James Goss. Unsurprisingly, media-whore Tim is friends with the author, and also the cover designer, a certain Mr Lee Binding.

. Open the book to page 123. Done!

. Find the fifth sentence. 'Technical term.'

. Post the next three sentences. 'All right, then!' enthused George. 'Dob Dob Dob!' He stepped over to Mitchell before he could see Annie's smile fall slightly.

George is a werewolf, Mitchell is a vampire, and Annie is a ghost, and they all live together in Annie's old house in Bristol. Annie has organised a bingo night to raise money to refurbish the community centre and the boys have turned up - just about on time - to support her. Sounds pretty run-of-the-mill, doesn't it? It's not, though. Not by a long shot. Especially when the vampire Human Resources manager at the local hospital turns up!

. Tag five people. No! But feel free to have a go, though.

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Something for something's sake

I suppose I'd better get on with something.

The thing is, I don't know with what.



Ooh! I know: I'll redo an old meme. Here goes:


Where is your cell/mobile phone? Ummmm... Possibly in the bowl of plenty (read: a bowl that holds all our keys, wallets, receipts, gubbins etc.) in the kitchen?

Vehicle? I think you all know Car, but I also have the use of Olive and Harry II (SP's Volvo C70 convertible and his Mercedes S Class, respectively). And Broom!
We're in the process of having the driveway redone,
hence the mud and freshly laid turf.

Hair? Is in danger of taking over the world! As you can see. Hmmm... Could do with a shave, too.

Father? Ye gods, no! I mean: I'm not one, nor do I wish to be. The Father is still around, though.

Your favorite thing? It'd have to be Car.

Dream last night? I can't remember.

Favourite drink? Coffee.

Room you are in? The study (also known as the third bedroom).

Your ex? Knight or the Wriggler?

You are? Reading this meme.

What do you want to be in ten years? My answer from last time still stands: In a better body. A published author? Rich? Still a Smug Married? Alive?

Who did you hang out with today? No one - I hate people!

What you're not? Very tolerable right now. As SP can atest to.

Muffins? Oog, no. I'm full of jelly babies.

One of your wish list items? A Citroen C6 in dark indigo. Either that or a new familiar. I've had to resort to using next door's bunny!

Where is the ____ ? bloody time going to?!

The last thing you did? Gulped some water to wash down a huge mouthful of jelly babies. The very same ones which caused "Oog" a couple of questions back.

What are you wearing? Scruffs: Jeans, black T-shirt and blue zip-up non-hoody top thing. Oh, and my reading glasses.

Your pet(s) ? All rabbit familiars are dead - Nuffy, Gitface (nee Mopsy) and Wilma - and I don't think Clone-Beaky counts. Or Mrs Beaky, for that matter. Yes, the shrill, evil little bugger is still with him.

Your computer? Could do with having a new, more ergonomic desk under it.

Your life? Appears to be going quite well, thank you.

Your mood? Is not conducive to having unexpected guests. Or even expected guests. Let's just say I'm a little mardy right now, and leave it at that.

Missing? A pneumatic strut from Car's boot/trunk lid. I mean: Where the hells could it have got to?

What are you thinking about right now? Has my (normally excellent) posture caused my bad back, or is it stress?

Your shoes? No longer seem to be made for walking.

Your work? Is becoming less and less important in the grand scheme of things.

Your summer? Had better be good.

Your favorite colour? Right now, that gold and red shot black one can see when one closes one's eyes. I'm sleepy.

And that, as they say, is that. I'll try and come up with something a bit better next time.

::EDIT:: Princess suggested tagging people (I was too tired to think about doing it last night), so here goes: Princess, Eros, 'Petra, Beast and Tim. Oh, and if you're not too busy, Dinah, I'd like to see you have a go, too. Do your worst, my pretties!