Friday, 13 September 2019

Visiting the Viridian Village

Continued from... Feather Brained

 "I can't believe what happened to me!!!" Ms Scarlet shrieked after her treatment at the gate.  "How.  Why?  Why would you do that to me???  I am going to have to go and shower now, and I will probably have nightmares tonight."
 "Woof!" said Sid.
 "What?" said a rather confused looking Hound.
 "I need a good dry cleaner's and a therapist after being subject to your disgusting... thing!"
 "What are you talking about, bab?  It's not disgusting.  It might be breaking the laws of nature, but it's not disgusting.  It's perfectly unnatural."  Fearing an international incident at the amount of huffing and foot-stamping going on, Hound opened the gates to the Viridian Village to let the strange party in.
 "Oh, I don't want to see" Ms Scarlet pouted.  Beast poked his head around the gate, his smirk at Ms Scarlet's earlier treatment disappeared.
 "Oh" he said.  "Well, that's unexpected."
 Mago was next to go through. "Ja" he agreed, and beckoned Ms Scarlet and The Very Mistress through.
 There, behind the gate in Hound's little alcove, was an array of complicated looking contraptions, including what looked like pieces of a Whimshurst machine or Van de Graaf generator, and a tin foil Tik-Tok man.
 "What's this?" Ms Scarlet asked as Sid raised his hackles and growled.  "What is all this stuff?"
 "If you must know" Hound began, trying to ignore the vibrating, growling Sid, "I have constructed a full-body, tin foil, tik-tok armour, but it needs electricity to power some of the components.  Electricity which can be harvested from the static shocks created by fondling those enchanted, emerald, polyester elf shorts you're wearing!"
 Ms Scarlet managed to look both confused and relieved.  "Well" she said, eventually.  "I suppose that's all right, then.  Carry on."
 "Now you've all had a good gawp at my little fetish, I shall repeat my original question: What do you want!?"

Excerpt from Ms Scarlet in the
Pantry with the Can-Opener
 "What do we want?" Ms Scarlet repeated looking perplexed and reaching for a tin foil thinking cap.  "What do we want?  Or, should I say, what do we want?"
 Beast and Mago just looked at her while The Very Mistress rolled her eyes.
 "Well" Ms Scarlet finally announced, "I want to see the I.T. Wizard to see if he can fix my wi-fi and satnav so I can find a way home."
 "And the rest of you?" Hound demanded, then pointed at Beast.  "You!  Cowardly Codswallop - you next!"
 "Um...  I...  Well, I want to, um...  I want to be able to stand up to the tyrannical Mr C.  Oh, and to never have to take part in one of these belittling forays over the Cusp again."
 "I want more lines" said Mago.  "Und to be able to take off this Scheissen tin foil hat!  Mine Kopf is extremely hot!"
 The Very Mistress looked Hound squarely in the eyes and hissed "I have no weaknessss or foiblesss that need fixssing, and if I did, I ssscertainly wouldn't tell you!  However, I will allow you to take ussss all to sssee thissss wizard, anyway."
 "Yes, Very Mistress" Hound found himself obeying.
 "Are you coming, Mitzi?" The Very Mistress asked, having poked her head around the gate and startled the Lady Penelope lookalike into straightening from her slouch against FAB 1's bonnet (hood, remember?) and causing her cigarette to fall from her lips.
 "Thank you, no" Mitzi recovered surprisingly quickly, two plums and a silver spoon tumbling from her mouth as she spoke.  "Carmen will ruin the leather if I leave her locked up in FAB 1, so I'll have her drive me around the block a few times while we wait for you."
 "Very well" The Very Mistress said, turning back to the others.
 "Come along, Carmen!"

 Straining his lead, Hound led the Blogorati through the Viridian Village to the Wizard's palace.  They made excellent time, and only stopped once to allow Hound Sid to wee up the lamp post outside the bus shelter.  Outside the palace, Hound bid his farewells to the Blogorati.
 "I'm not allowed in, you see" he explained.  "I once dry-humped one of the Wizard's green velour armchairs, and have been persona non grata ever since."
 "Right..." Ms Scarlet said, having second thoughts about the truthfulness of Hound's earlier explanation of the 'Shorts-fondling.  She turned to the waiting palace lackey, who looked suspiciously like one of the Oompa Loompas from part two, and even had a smear of orange make-up behind his ear, although he wasn't on his knees now.  "Shall we go in?"

 The lackey guided them through a series of halls and corridors until they reached an antechamber to the Wizard's reception hall.  The Blogorati plopped themselves down into the comfortable chairs scattered around the room, but Beast was shooed out of his almost as soon as he sat down.
 "No!" the lackey scolded.  "Not you!  Not on the furniture!  Come with me.  The Wizard will see you first to get you out of here."
 "Please can you make it wear big pants?" Ms Scarlet shouted after the lackey as Beast was led through a grand pair of doors into the reception hall.  "And a knitting pattern would be nice" she added, pulling a ball of wool and a pair of collapsible knitting needles from her bag.  "You know, while we wait..."
 Through the closing doors, the Blogorati glimpsed a cloud of smoke with an image appearing in its centre.  Before they could make out more than what looked like a giant cat's ear, the doors closed.

To be continued... 


  1. Aaargh....I wasn't notified of this post. I will read it first thing tomorrow.

    1. There were some issues with the scheduling/publishing of this post (probably mine, rather than Blogger's...) which could have caused some feed-related non-working thingy (Gosh! Aren't I a wiz at these things?!).
      See you in the morni- Oh! You're here already!

  2. Oh this is the best Over the Cusp story ever!!! I am fabulous in it! And it has given me IDEAS.
    I love my thinking cap picture. Perhaps the FGES competition should commence at the end of this torrid tale? I will see what I can do.

    1. You are always fabulous, Ms Scarlet! Although, I am somewhat concerned about the 'IDEAS' - should we all take cover?

      Oh, and the telling of this tale from Over the Cusp has taken several detours from the original adventure. I can see the end, and I'm trying to steer it back on track so, with any luck, the next part should be the last (just so you know before making any FGES "promises"... ;) )

    2. Well I didn't use the word 'promise', I rarely do - I know myself!

  3. I'm also fabulous! Now don't be jealous, you know if you could lick your own bollocks you would!

    1. Everyone is fabulous (although some seem to be more fabulous than others).

      As for your canine behaviour, Hound, don't do it on the furniture otherwise I shall have to appropriate one of The Very Mistress's "Banned by Infomaniac" stickers for you. Plus, as TVM mentioned inthe comments of the last post, we're out of Febreze!

    2. You didn't complain when I had a good long smell of your crotch!

    3. Shhhhhhhh!!! I thought we'd agreed we wouldn't speak of that in public?!?

  4. Mitzi's laughter rose like the tinkling sound of silver bells cascading down a sheer rock face into a limpid pool of pulchritude.

    1. It was all going so well until the last word. How can a word used to describe beauty look so ugly?

      P.S. Have you been looking ahead to part 6? Now I'm going to have to change a certain description for fear of accusations of plagiarism...

  5. Do I get 'streamlined' in part 6? Merely to stop me humping things of course. Somebody once tried to lop my tail once, and some of my heads bit them.

    1. Be careful what you wish for, Hound - I saw a cone of shame laying around here somewhere...

    2. You're all kippers and curtains aren't you, bab? With a face like Livery Street!
      BTW I also have a cone of shame fetish, I'm like one of those humans who go around pretending to be a dog, with a tail inserted you-know-where.

  6. It might be just as well that I seem to have whipped Wordpress into manageability, or the FGES might have gone to the Bears in Shorts!Ye gods!

    1. Oh, don't think remaining on Wordpress will save you!


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