Monday 31 October 2022

Terrifying Triffidery 2022 : The Orangery of 'orror!

 Yes, it's time for:

 Welcome to the close and humid environs of Mogwash Manor's opulent orangery for this year's

T e r r i f y i n g   T r i f f i d e r y !

 The usual rules apply: 

1. No pushing and shoving on your way around

2. Don't get too close to the specimens, and

3. Don't feed them - unless you don't need your hand/arm/upper body & head [delete as applicable]

 For those of you who make it to the end relatively unscathed, please feel free to sound off in the comments what you think each triffid mutated from, and who generously donated each spooky specimen.  [Please note: One or more of the Blogorati may have provided multiple triffid photos - including the one that forms the background of the Terrifying Triffidery poster up there.]

 And remember: Terrifying Triffidery - as part of the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event - is NOT a competition, so there will be no winner (and certainly no prizes - not least because we're a cheapskate).

 Oh, and here's a little accompaniment to your wanderings: "Dead of Night", by Erasure

 Now, off you pop.  We'll meet the survivors - if there are any - at the end of the tour...

Thursday 27 October 2022

Who 8 All the Ferrero Rocher?

 I hastily stuffed the half-unwrapped Ferrero Rocher, the syringe, and the small bottle marked with complicated sigils under a couple of cushions as the door to the study opened - without having been knocked on first!
 "Haven't you heard of knocking?"
 "Hmm?  Yes, but this isn't your house" Dinah said, barging into the room, bottle glass of wine in hand, and taking an unwanted interest in the cushions - admittedly I was doing a crap job of trying to look nonchalant whilst concealing the evidence of my diabolical deed.  "What have you got there?" she asked.
 "Nothing.  I'm, um, just taking a break from all the noise and partying downstairs?"
 "Right" Dinah didn't look or sound convinced, but fortunately, she didn't press the issue as she had something else on her mind.  "Anyway, Mago's looking for you." 
 "What?!  Mago?  Don't you mean Aidan Turner?"  
 "No.  Mago.  He's broken character and says something about being an archaeologist and wanting to put some clothes on.  Oh, and Ms Scarlet's vanished."
 "Blast!  I'll never get my hands on that Bottle of Greed!"
 "Oh, er, nothing.  Listen..." I said, wondering just how many Ferrero Rochers Ms Scarlet had troughed down as I got up off the cushioned settee and headed to an ancient, whirring PC on the desk (a vintage MacBook Air, if I wasn't very much mistaken!), "I happened to find this open on a pair of peculiar websites that seem to be tracking our movements, making insulting generalisations, and exaggerating certain aspects of our personalities and habits, if not making them up entirely!  Do you know anything about this?"
 Dinah shrugged and took a gulp of her wine.
 "And people are leaving comments about us!" I continued.  "Although, the comments are tailing off the longer this has been going on.  We've got to do something!"
 "You mean like reporting it to the authorities?"
 "No!  We're losing the audience!  We've got to engage them again - if they ever were really engaged in the first place?"
 "Probably not" Dinah muttered.  "I know I'm fed up with it all..."
 "I know just the thing!" I said, ignoring Dinah.  "Follow me."

 From the study I headed out across the landing, down the sweeping staircase - avoiding what looked like a mouse wrapped in a red napkin on the way - and made my way towards the rear of Mogwash Manor.
 But Dinah wasn't the only one following me to the orangery...

To be continued in...
 T e r r i f y i n g   T r i f f i d e r y !

[For anyone yet to send me their photos for this year's Terrifying Triffidery you only have another couple of days to do so - I need your Triffids by the end of the day on Saturday 29th OctoberBecause I'm such a soft touch, I'll allow a few more days for your Infomaniac Garden Photos Event pics - Just in case anyone happens to find any lost photos of the marigold persuasion, for example...]
[P.S. While we're on the subject, the deadline for Melanie's 'Leaves' Photo Submissions is the 31st, so get snapping/sending!]

Friday 21 October 2022

Knicknacs and Odds-n-Sods

 Before we get to what may be the final part of our Epic Collaboration - yes, I know, but nothing good lasts forever - and Terrifying Triffidery at the end of the mon-
 Which reminds me: those of you who haven't emailed us your garden photos and triffids, you don't have much time left - We want them in by 29th October!
We told you we'd be nagging and haranguing until then.
And probably afterwards, too...
 Anyway, before all that, here are a couple of knicknacks and a mish-mash of stuff We've been up to that doesn't revolve around epic blogging and gardening:
There was a reason for Lenny being here but it escapes me now...

Bike ride to Gimingham on the 12th:

On the way through Trimingham, I engaged in a staring contest with...

... these three roe deer.  I lost (they had the advantage of numbers).

Sunday 16 October 2022

TEC vol. VI: The Uncovered Somethingorother...

Continued from . . . PART 5 of The Epic Collaboration

Because our last effort made some people very confused/cross/consider legal action,
Ms Scarlet had to turn part five into a very short recap of what's happened so far.
And there are still threats of legal action!
So, in an effort to make things clearer-
A futile effort, methinks.
Well, yes, but let's give it a try okay?
Oh, okay.  Carry on, then.
Right.  Where was I?  Oh, yes: In an effort to make things clearer, think of this part as
volume six in an ongoing book series.  A volume that only has four quite short chapters.
And they look longer than they are because of the pictures and the music video.
'Music video'?  Christ.  You sound like you're a hundred million years old!
Well, what would you call it, then?

I knew it was a mistake to involve the SubCs in this!  Let's just get on with it.
Fine.  Are you putting the chapters in, or am I?
You are.

C H A P T E R   O N E
 "Oof!" said Mago as he extricated himself from a collection of now crushed and broken lily stems.
 "What happened, Mr Device?!" said an annoyed sounding clump of Eucomis zambesiaca with a Dinah in it.  Miraculously, all flower spikes were still fully erect.
 "Ow" I replied, trying to unpick myself from a very thorny 'Gertrude Jeckyll'.  Again.  Albeit in someone else's garden.  "Sorry, Dinah.  Sorry, Mago.  That story change wave-front came out of nowhere, and that reinitialisation so soon afterwards was totally unexpected."
 "Wo sind wir?"
 "Up someone's back passage, by the look of it" Dinah said hauling herself out of the Eucomis.
Someone's back passage.  German and Australasian not pictured
 "My back passage!" a stern voice announced.  Yikes!
 "Our back passage, dear" a second voice corrected.  "Why is there a witch in our rose bush?  And why are there Tupperware boxes strewn around the garden, a muddy welly in the fuchsias, and a bath mat in me Wine Time Corner™?"
 "And a German in the lilies, and an Australasian of sorts in the Eucomis, hmm?  Why, indeed?" 
 It was Jon and Madam Arcati, of course.  Not the German and Australasian, the new, and rather ticked off voices.
 "Ah.  Hello.  Um..." I said addressing our unwitting hosts.  "Sorry.  We hit rather a lot of story change turbulence when Ms Scarlet fast-forwarded the story somewhat unexpectedly.  The poor bath mat wasn't designed to cope with such stresses.  As you can see..." I gestured at the partially flattened garden.  "Sorry."
 "Diese Lilien smell of urine" Mago muttered.  "I smell of urine."
 "We'll see about that" Jon said, reaching for the hose again. 

Monday 10 October 2022

The Garden Photos Event 2022 Official Final Reminder

 "I have photos. Do I have to caption them? They are from spring, summer and fall and they are a mess. Turns out I don't like weeding! LOL. Oh, well. Do tell what we have to do to participate. I don't have much patience, but will try to comply :)"
... Mr Tonking, 20th September [here]

Yes, it's time for...
Garden Photos Event reminder for 2022!
 I'm sure most of you are aware of the Garden Photos Event phenomena brought about by The Very Mistress many, many years ago, but for anyone new, those who have forgotten, and Savvy (!), a brief history and links to all participatory gardens over the years can be found in my Infomaniac Garden Photos Event page (at the top of the blog if you didn't click the link).

 Now, in response to Mr Tonking's eloquent request, here's what to do to take part in the main event:

1. If you haven't already been doing so, take some photos of your garden/courtyard/balcony/window box/pot plant/salad drawer or any botanical specimen that you have been nurturing this year.

2. Undertake an exhausting and harrowing selection process, whittling down the hundreds of photos you've taken throughout the year to a few that you would like to be seen by the masses select clientele here.

3. Write a brief (or verbose) caption for each photo/set of photos - ideally something that amongst other things (gardening tales, tips & observations, how you get your BIG PINK BUSH™ to pulsate just so, for example) states what the plant is, because I'm not Jon (The Official Plant Spotter of Blogdom) and I don't want to do any more research than I have to!
4. Email your photos (in as large a size format as you can) and accompanying captions to me.  My blog email address can be found in my Blogger Profile at the top of my Sideboard on the right there (if you have my personal hotmail account, you can use that instead).

 As well as the main event, there is also the now traditional Hallowe'en special event: 
Terrifying Triffidery!
 If you would like to take part (and why wouldn't you?), just send me a photo or two of a monstrous or weird botanical specimen that you've grown.  Or, if you are bereft of something like a dragon arum or a Visser's hydnora, a more pedestrian plant from your ordinary undergrowth taken from an odd angle/closeup/while you're drunk will do just as well.
 And finally, for this year only, if you can find photos of a previous garden that you tended, or a prized specimen that may no longer be with you, please send them in too (don't worry: this blog can support sepia toned and/or black & white photos - engravings and stone tablets are out, though).  Please provide a brief caption stating where and when your garden/plant existed (if you'd like to include more info, by all means do).
 It would be great to see how your garden has changed over the years, or if you've moved house, what your previous garden(s) looked like and what you grew.  For the old hands at this, if you can find something that hasn't featured in a Garden Photos Event before, even better!
 When does this all kick off, I hear you ask?  Well, Terrifying Triffidery will take place on Hallowe'en  - Monday 31st October - and the main event will begin two or three days later, so please email me your photos and accompanying captions by Saturday 29th October
 (Although this is the final official reminder, I shall, of course, be nagging and haranguing for photos for the rest of this month - and probably into November for all those who assume that deadlines don't apply to them.  You know who you are!)
 You don't have to be a regular here or an Infomaniac Bitch to take part as we welcome all sorts - Yes, even you!  So, if you are an infrequent visitor, a friend of a friend, or an as yet unseen lurker and would like to join in, please do - the more the merrier (just beware of the triffids as they're buggers for snapping up the unwary and unprepared)!

 If you have any questions, thoughts or ideas, please let fly in the comments.
 And remember: The Infomaniac Garden Photos Event is NOT a contest!  We're not looking for perfection and there'll be no judging.  We just want to see how your garden grows - weeds and all - and maybe swap a few greenfingering tips.

Happy Gardening!

Sunday 9 October 2022

Catching Crabs

 Summer popped back to brag about old times, but I didn't want to get caught up in its inane dude-bro rambling, so I took advantage of the change in weather it brought and went for a walk along the beach instead.

 I wasn't the only one with that thought though...

Gah!  There are people everywhere!
Just look at the six - six!! - in this photo, milling around and getting in my way!

Thursday 6 October 2022

Muddy Meanderings and an Octopus Sucker Bath Mat

Continued from ... When Worlds Collide and a Pair of Striped Tights

 "STOP HER!!!" I shrieked screeched yelled, mindful of The Very Mistress's observation about my apparent tendency to 'scream like a girl'.
 "Who are you shrieking at?" the aforementioned Very Mistress enquired.  Well, her be-tighted legs appeared to as they hung from the bUbble Haze™, anyway.
 "Yes" said Dinahmow as she used her wand to lift up the edge of the drape that was covering me.  "I'm hardly likely to stop Ms Scarlet as I helped her to leave, and Mistress MJ is just a pair of stripy legs."
 "Well, maybe Beaky could?"  My blood suddenly ran cold and I looked around wildly.  "Where is that dratted bird, anyway?"
 "Oh, he flew off.  But don't worry, I'm sure he'll be waiting for you when you get home!"  If it was possible for legs to grin evilly, The Very Mistress's legs did so.
 "Hmmph!  I'm sure" I said as I threw off the drapes and got to my feet, kicking aside a muddy Wellington boot that Ms Scarlet must have used to trudge across her swamp lawn.  "So, where did you send Ms Scarlet, Dinah?"
 "Oh, up Jon's back passage."
 "Award winning back passage" The Very Mistress's legs corrected.
 "Yes, award winning back passage" Dinah said.
 "Right.  Then that's where we'll go.  I just hope we'll all fit?
 "Up Jon's back passage?" The Very Mistress snorted.  "There'll be room to spare!  Besides, I'm not going."
 "What?  Why not?"
 "Because I'm not getting paid enough, nothing's been disinfected, and the longer I spend here the more chance there is of someone mentioning the C word."
 "The C word?  But you have no qualms about saying cu-"