The Year with a Convenient Birthday at the End

 I'm sure it won't come as any surprise when I tell you that I've been somewhat slack with regards to blogging this year - both posting here, and reading all of yours.  And the Host hasn't been much better, either.

 Hey!

 Well, isn't it true?

 Yes.  I suppose so.  Except for June and November.

 Anyway, June and November aside, we've pretty much given up on our annual "Year of..." extravaganza, and instead focused on one very important award that always features towards the end of said extravaganza.  And that award is, the Most Inconvenient Birthday Award. 

 Only this year, it's the Most Convenient as it's saved us from exploding with frustration and exhaustion in an attempt to pack two or three days worth of work into just a couple of hours!

 And so, we'd like to present this golden, hazelnutty, chocolatey award to, none other than Savvy!

 

✮ ✮ ✮

"I Slipped On Mah Beans"

 I think I've been in the Winter Doldrums - although, if I have, I seem to be coming out of it now thanks to two things: Janet & Rita, and new growth in the garden & up the allotment.

 First, old ladies Janet and Rita - AKA Bluey and Bingo Heeler from Bluey, a cartoon my youngest niece, vom Smallhäusen, introduced me to while I was babysitting a week or two ago.  They are hilarious!  The costumes, the voices, the shoplifting, the driving, the absolute glee with which Bluey and Bingo portray Rita and Janet - and the reactions of their parents Chilli and Bandit - all combine to form a delightful two or three minutes of fun that had me almost crying with laughter.

 There's a snippet of first appearance of Rita & Janet in the first minute of the video at the end of this post, but the video below is of the whole Heeler family having some fun:

(It didn't take many episodes for me to want a smoochy kiss with Bandit Heeler, either!)

. : .

 Anyway, enough of adorable Australian cartoon dogs, let's have a look inside my allotment compost heap, shall we?

To Hoe, Or Not To Hoe?

 Not to hoe, obviously.  I don't ride hoes as I don't want to be mistaken for a warlock (although I do wear hoodies).  Warlocks tend to be vain and self-aggrandising, and a little bit dim fortunately, otherwise - if they stopped thinking about themselves for a mere micromip - they could cause a lot more bother than they already do.

 Anyway, enough about those hoes, let's have a look at how the allotment is doing, shall we?  If you make it all the way to the end, I'll treat you to a couple of hoes, and there may even be a bit of a rake!

14th May

In the fruit cage are some horrible redcurrants.  They're so sour and pointless - I hate them!  Despite pretty much ignoring them, they just keep growing and cropping, growing and cropping.  Bah!

Behind the currants is a cherry tree and a row of raspberries

Young greengages

Art Trek: Creepy Cosplay

 Disaster has struck!

 Okay, so that may be a bit overdramatic... 

 I'd just finished sewing a couple of bits of gold ribbon around the cuffs of a cheapo red long-sleeved T-shirt, went to put it on so I could pin on the narrower gold ribbon for the shoulder yoke and...

... couldn't get my hands through the sleeve cuffs anymore!!!

 "What is that silly witch going on about?", I hear you ask.  Why, it's (nearing*) the end of a month so that means it's time for some Star Trek fan art.  My Star Trek fan art!  As my piece, "These are a few of my favourite things!" got the most votes in the previous challenge, I got to set the theme for this one - and here it is:

The theme for this challenge is Creepy Cosplay!

Art Trek Catch-Up: Spinning Around*

 You know what we haven't had in a LONG while?

 Yes, my ham-fisted Star Trek fan art!

 I've just discovered that the last time I posted any  of my fan art was back in October 2020, so there's quite a bit of catching up to do.

⚜

From November/December's Star Trek Redux challenge:

Imagine there was no Star Trek as we all know and love. Imagine back in the 1960s someone approached you to design the look to this new show called: Star Trek. You are essentially given Matt Jefferies job. Now it does not have to be the 1960s Trek, in can be now. But no visual cues from all/any Trek can be used..(you know what I mean, the iconic stuff that makes things Trek)

This is as far as I got with it - a quick series of sketches and colour  swatches of a sari-inspired uniform with a left sleeve-mounted logo/mission patch based on the European Space Agency logo, and a name/department tag on the right breast.

⚜

Suddenly it was April and: Big In Japan

An Ocean of Violets in Bloom

The almost finished  paysho from 16th April

 This is just a quick follow-on from my previous garden-related post.  Mainly because I haven't got anything else to publish, as all I've been doing lately is rebuilding the bloody paysho.

And going to the garden centre this morni-

 Which was a waste of time as they didn't have what I wanted.  And there were far too many people!

All wearing face masks and

keeping their distance.  Mostly...

The end of today's efforts having relaid the slabs

and cemented the pond-edge

 Anyway, that's enough from the SubC, let's get on with the post.

Rude!

 As you can see from the leading photo, my early Morning Glory has put forth its second flower.  Although, despite flowering very early in the season, this bloom didn't open until this afternoon (because I had it tucked away in the depths of the red greenhouse and only remembered to pop it on the shelf in the sun at lunch time).

Speaking of gardening...

 ... here's how mine is coming along:

 Above, the oft neglected front of Hexenhäusli Device looking quite colourful, for a change.  I put the daff bulbs in back in the autumn, and the skimmias that went in last spring are just starting to flower.  On the left is the most recent addition - a flowering cherry, which I planted last month (out of shot to the right is a hawthorn, yet to burst into leaf/flower).

 And below, preparations for a circular paysho and adjoining pond are not hindered by the snow (I mean, it's April, for Christ's sake!  We're not supposed to get snow in April!).

CCQ: An Enterprising Ending (at last)

 "You silly sods!"  Hound was quite cross.  "Now look what you've done."

 "What happened?  How did we get here?" a bewildered Mago asked.

 "Someone - or possibly sometwo - were thinking of Star Trek when they crashed through my hedge, weren't they?"

 Ms Scarlet guiltily put a hand to her basket-weave bouffant while the grin dissolved from IDV's face.

 "Yes, but really?" The disbelief in Maddie's tone was palpable.

 "Yes, really" said Hound.  "I'm a hedgewitch.  For me the hedge is both the witch's setting and a gateway to other places.  Mitzi's hedge was still charged up from when I transported us to the Cornish coast for the Poldark thing, so blundering through it while thinking of Trek brought us here."

 "My hedge did this?" Mitzi didn't look happy.  "Right.  It's coming down once we get back."

 "Oh, I'm no good with this Star Trek stuff" Dinah cut in.  "Let's just go back through so we can all go home.  I'm tired - I'm several time zones from where I normally am and it's all catching up with me."

 "Several time zones?"  IDV whispered, nudging Ms Scarlet for attention as he gestured at their surroundings.  "And the other 250 years!"

 "Oh, Mr Devine!"

 "Oof!" said Dinah as she found herself face down on the other side of the hedge.  

 "Well, that didn't work."  Mago helped Dinah up after her unsuccessful return trip.

 "All the magic was used up getting you all here" Hound said.  "We're not going anywhere for a while."

 "Will you lot stop trampling my plants!" a loud voice cut through the Blogorati's sniping.  "And get off my lawn!"

 As one, the Blogorati turned towards the source of their berator.  There in the corner, shovelling a big pile of something ghastly-looking, was someone familiar wearing a red miniskirt uniform like Ms Scarlet's.

 "Ms Nations?"

 "Stop your gawping, IDV" she said.  "This tribble shit isn't going to spread itself."

 Oh.  Er, no.  I suppose it won't.  Um.  Actually, our shift's about to start - we'd better go"  IDV shooed the milling Blogorati towards the turbolift.  "C'mon, let's get out of here."

 "Suit yourselves" Ms Nations muttered to their backs as they walked off.  "I'll just get my garden hoes to do it.  Boys!" she yelled.  As the turbolift doors closed on the Blogorati, two muscular non-coms dressed in not very much appeared.  Several pairs of widening eyes were treated not to bulging, hot, sweaty manual labour¹, but to the doors snapping shut. 

oOo

GPE #11 : IDV Brings Up The Rear

 Welcome to the eleventh and final garden of the

10th Anniversary  I N F O M A N I A C  Garden Photos Event

And the garden is mine!

 But before we get going, I'd just like to say a big thank you to everyone who sent in some sort of greenfingered or thumbed photos - you made this year's Garden Photos Event a success!  And thank you also to all those who stopped by to take a virtual wander through these globe-spanning gardens - and extra special thanks if you left a comment or two.  Finally, an especially big thank you to The Very Mistress, for without her there would not be a Garden Photos Event, and also for allowing me to be the first Infomaniac Bitch to host this prestigious event.

 Right.  That's the niceties out of the way, the gates to Hexenhäusli Device's garden are open!

🌸

We begin with the main garden and a selection of photos from spring and summer:

April: Other than the daffodils (and my big cock pheasant), there's not a lot going on

May: White tulips and the red greenhouse

July: Upon entering the garden from the gate, one is accosted by a dwarf buddleia that didn't get the memo about being a dwarf.

Showing Off One's Purple Ring

 

 Following on from the last time that I displayed my rear, may I present the current state of affairs here at the DeVice Mansion:
 Yes, it's a garden update in preparation for The Very Mistress's 9th Annual Garden Photos Event!
 Above are my pineapple lilies, Eucomis comosa "Sparkling Burgandy", lounging about on the paysho.  I bought one in 2014, which has produced a new bulb every year since then (those of you who can do maths will know that I now have five!).  To the right are the seven foot sunflowers, and below, the rest of the rear garden.

 Oh, and so as not to shock you, the purple ring - you'll be pleased to hear - is not mine.  All will be revealed with a stroke or two of your scrolling finger(s)!

Displaying My Rear...

An Aloe or Haworthia or somesuch on the paysho*

 The Official Plant Spotter of the DeVice Mansion (prev. Castle DeVice et al) and its Extensive Witchdom, the dazzling Jon,brought up a very good point recently: "I wonder if the "missing Canuck" is going to be hosting the garden show'n'tell this year?".
 Well, I hope The Very Mistress does manage to get up off her quince and play Hostess with the Mostess for what will be the Ninth Annual Infomaniac Garden Photos Event, as I've been sorting out the swampy building site (as was) to the rear of the DeVice Mansion.
 No you haven't!  It was me!  I've done all the sorting and lifting and digging stinking horse muck into the borders and other hard manual labour, not you.
 Fine.   In that case, you can carry on with this post.

 These two photos (above and below), were taken at the end of March, after the leftover building detritus was cleared up, and the swampy, clay "soil" rotavated in preparation for a lawn.

 The photo below is how it looks now, but it's not going to stay this way, however.  This is just a temporary solution until I settle upon a design or, more likely, a cobbled together mish-mash of ideas that will "just have to do".

Mid-Week Muscles : Pondering Cleanliness

 I was looking through my draft posts (22 of them!) to see if I had something almost finished that I could "touch up" and post, so to speak, when I came across (not literally) this one from almost a year ago:

~ cue wobbly soap opera flashback effect ~

We have a new cleaner at work.  He is young and attractive.

26.04.2018 - After the most languorous yet insouciant display of vacuuming I have ever seen, followed by a nod 'hello', the new cleaner slowly and deliberately coiled up his vacuum cleaner cable while facing half-away from me.  The level of arrogant nonchalance with which he managed to instill in this simple action was quite remarkable. And hypnotic.  His muscles are quite impressive.

27.04.2018 - The muscular young cleaning youth did it again.  I think he may be on to me, though, as this time he deliberately faced me as I was sitting at my desk.  Having completed another seemingly languid and indolent pass of the horrid carpet tiles, he almost casually coiled that cable again, unnecessarily flexing his biceps and bouncing his pecs in my direction.  I didn't know where to look!  Well, I did, clearly...

To make things worse, he actually smiled at me a couple of times.  Not while doing his "routine", but in passing as he moved down the office.

He looks like this (John Hirka), only with less shirt-lifting (mores the pity)
Also, with less "I think I'm having a heart attack" after covering himself up...

Run! Run! As fast as you can!

 I am moving again.

 As plummeting down the cliff in one's own home is practically unheard of in witchy circles*, I am moving out of Château DeVice and into a more life-prolonging gingerbread house.  It's only a few hundred yards from my current cliff-top abode and - importantly - those few hundred yards are inland.  My new home is nearer the woods (and the allotment), and not likely to find itself scattered across the beach after collapsing over the cliff for at least a couple of centuries (possibly only one, if sea levels continue to rise dramatically). 

 Gingerbread houses are hard to come by these days as most of the originals have been devoured by thoughtless, greedy children over the centuries, or dissolved in the rain when their occupant met Death for the last time and the preservative spell wore off.  Those that are left tend to be inhabited by mad old crones, or have been turned into sites of occult historical interest by the Gingerbread Board.  Speaking of which, the 'Board occasionally permits a new gingerbread house to be built as long as circumstances, conditions, and quotas allow.  Quite what those circumstances, conditions and quotas are is anyone's guess as the 'Board are quite inscrutable and experts in obfuscation and dead-end paper trails.  As I can attest to after I applied for a new home...**

 I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea?  I suspect the SubCs had something to do with it and, typically, they buggered off and left me to it when I found myself before the Gingerbread Board to demonstrate my suitability to own and maintain a new gingerbread home.  I'm not going to go into all the rigmarole and hoop-jumping I had to go through (and am still going through), as it was - and still is - very stressful and mind-boggling.

Grasping at straws...

... or, pencil crayons, even.

Ooh! Shiny!  Just call me "Magpie"

  One might suspect that as I've been absent from the blog for a week, I would have been very busy doing very busy and important things?  Oh, the important busyness I could have been doing!

  Sadly, I haven't been importantly busy, or even busily important. No, I've been tasked with the taking-to and collecting-from school of The Little Witch all week.  And then keeping her entertained for a couple of hours until Indescribable comes to collect her after work.  This is what happens when I make it known that I have a couple of weeks off work.  You'd think I'd've learned by now...

  In between the taking-to and collecting-from school, I have been doing load after load of their washing (as well as all my own chores, and those of The Parents', too).  In fact, having done a couple of loads yesterday, I had thought that I'd have today to myself as Indescribable (and her spawn) couldn't possibly have generated another machine-load of washing so soon.  How wrong I was.  I made myself a cup of coffee and took a piece of cake from the tin (half of which was devoured by Indescribable and The Little Witch yesterday), then sat down in front of the Demon Box and opened up the blog.  And guess who turned up on the doorstep?

The 2017 Tin Foil Hat Gallery!

Haven't we been here before?

 Hello and welcome to the 2017 Tin Foil Hat Gallery, the fourth such exhibit seen over the years in this little corner of Blogland. This being the fourth collection of international chapeaux de tin foil, it seemed fitting that the theme also be "four". How you, the designers, interpreted the theme was entirely at your own discretion, and I'm very pleased with the diversity and alternative takes that made it into the collection.
 An added extra to the theme, that of the rubber duck, came about via one of the SubConsciouses. I can't remember which one...

Hey! It was me!

 Oh, yes. The Host's SubC. I might have known you'd be responsible for such an act of triviality!

Actually, it wasn't trivial. The rubber duck, in thought and form,
has been a part of this competition since the very first one back in 2010
(scroll down to the text below LẌ's [then known as xl] masterpiece for the reference).

 I'd hardly call that a rubber duck of any substance!

And then, in the second collection in 2014, Tin Hat and Tales: Flights of Fancy,
Mago wowed us all with his creation: The Duck!

 Fine! So the rubber duck theme didn't come out of nowhere, then. Hmmph...

(Thank gods Witchface gave up then, as I couldn't find a reference to rubber ducks
in 2015's 10th Anniversary Tin Foil Top Hats and Tiaras collection...)

 What was that?!

[silence]

 Hmmmm... Right, then. We'd better open the doors to the gallery and let you all peruse the 2017 Tin Foil Hat Collection: Tin-Four, Rubber Duck!

Redshirts

Beaky feeding a young Redshirt

  Despite it being just an ordinary day of little consequence, chores still need doing, things still need to be done, and plants, pets and other lifeforms still need to be fed, watered, and the like. 

 A little over a month ago, just after Tim's triumphant half-arsed return to blogging, we reluctantly agreed to look after his minions Army of Darkness, as he clearly couldn't be bothered with them anymore. 

And it's a good job we did, as he hasn't been seen since!

  Yes. Castlette Device and its modest estate is now home to some of the prettiest-
 And stupidest!
  And stupidest cannon fodder ever to grace the small screen: Redshirts!

Moving for the sake of a toilet roll holder

 I haven't been around as much as I'd've liked this past week or two, but I do have a reason: The Parents are on the verge of moving house - the big day being this Monday. 
 Obviously, this means that their selfless, abled-bodied, only son - i.e. me - has been kept busy with various heavy lifting, packing, cleaning, and storage tasks. In fact, I've just returned from The Parents' having loaded Car full of boxes of things that The Mother doesn't want the removal men to lose or break. 
 As I drifted in and out of The Mother's stream of wittering, I caught this little nugget of information: "This will be the first house I've lived in with a [built in] toilet roll holder!" 
I couldn't bear to ask if that was the reason for moving...

§

 In other news, a couple of days ago, my viewing of Harry Hill's You've Been Framed was rudely interrupted by the phone ringing. After much exasperated sighing, I heaved myself off the sofa and answered the phone to a really-quite-convincing and very youthful Lancashire-accented: "Have you seen my friend? Kimberley?"

The Year of the Cormorant Coven Awards

Don't go expecting any actual awards - see the following post for details

January : The year began by looking out from the Lighthouse; and due to a complete lack of preparation, we subjected you to some Old Art, then drank Black Shuck Gin to get over it; it was Cold in Cromer; we celebrated LX's birthday; and had a Wednesday Walk to Overstrand.

February : A Weekend of Walks in Trimingham, Northrepps and Frogshall started the month, which was followed by the Be All but not the End All; we showed you the creepy Witch Wringers of Small Hopes Hill; Chrysaor came for tea along with an unwelcome guest; we took a stroll on Overstrand beach; and dreamed of 13 Little Dolls.

March : We shared some books exclusive to the Cusp in Not The 2016 Infomaniac Book Challenge; celebrated Ms Scarlet's birthday; took a trio of Weekend Walkies; and helped to celebrate The Very Mistress MJ's 10th anniversary of blogging with The House of Infomaniac 10th anniversary Tour.

April : Various maps were brought out to illustrate our walks; our musical leanings were brought forth in a meme from Mistress Maddie; a new camera unveiled weekend wildlife; we were almost poked on Smallhopes Hill; and that vile little stinker Beaky returned.

May : Green Men abounded in Norwich cathedral; Beaky almost had my eye out; warmer weather brought forth wild flowers; MirrorMe made a nuisance of himself; there was an incidence of cockchafing; and we ended up on the other side of the hedge.

June : June saw the first of our take on Ms Scarlet's Books on Chairs post; cupcakes vs cockatrice; some garden photos; Apocalypse Oven's more evil twin featured in a short film; and we celebrated Princess's birthday by kissing a frog.

July : Due to busyness and interlopers from France, we only managed one post in July, and that was just a recap of what we'd been up to at the end of June!

August : After seeing off the pesky French, the blog almost became a photo album with five consecutive posts that served as dumping grounds for photos taken in July; we avoided being sucked into the jet intakes of the Red Arrows; plus, there was very almost nudity!

September : September saw weeing cormorants and rubbish Creepycous-cous; Sunday Music; Frogbot-related angst; my 900th post and more photos of the North Norfolk countryside.

October : Amongst yet more photos along the coast were the third Infomaniac Book Challenge (headed up by a wet-trunks clad Jeffrey Hunter); forty things about me; a Star Trek horror novel art challenge; some real books that weren't on chairs; and a ropey-looking Hallowe'en marrow and pumpkin.

November : The fourth Infomaniac Book Challenge started off the month, followed by a desperate recap of televisual viewing not aided by Evil Edna; that little git Beaky made a showing; a stroll along the seafront; and we answered four questions.

December : After a book update, we unleashed a barrage of photos from a beach walk to Sheringham and back; a Vulcan Winter Solstice greetings card was revealed; and the fifth and final Infomaniac Book Challenge revealed more about The Very Mistress than she would probably like us to know!

::

 Yes, this is unfinished, but I've done my bit. If the Host and the SubCs are too bloody lazy to do their bits, then bugger them!
 

Mish Mash

 Due to the quite sudden turn of the weather at the end of September, I haven't been out-and-about on many walks/drifts-
 Or partaken of many flights on Broom!
 - so I don't have many photos of the Norfolk countryside for you.

Did I hear someone breathe a sigh of relief?

Probably. Those same stretches of beach were getting a bit tiresome. And that Cormorant was getting ideas above his station what with getting an agent and appearing on other blogs!

 Yes, all right... So, anyway, this post is just going to be a mish-mash of the least boring stuff we've been up to.

::

Saturday, 1st October

 First, some news from the garden: The passion flower that I bought last year and planted with a clematis behind the bench, has finally flowered! Yes, after two summers of not doing very much at all, it finally got its act together and started producing flowers at the beginning of October.
 Better late than never, I suppose.

::

Today and Two Days

 As I mentioned in the last post, this will become a photo-blog for a little while as I have a glut of photos from the past month or so that I'm going to post here as I have no where else to put them. 
 I made matters worse this morning by taking yet more photos as I walked back home after undertaking gruelling hard labour (painting The Mother's potting shed - the one that I helped construct here, here, and to a lesser extent, here) at The Parents'. So, this post consists of today's photos, and some from last weekend (when Indescribable, the Little Witch, and New Babyzilla were here). 
 Look away now if you can't abide pastoral, sunset, and beach views (some of which may contain hideous sea monsters).

Overstrand, 7th August 2016