Saturday, 30 June 2007

There's no accounting for taste

I've just made a most unpleasant discovery: The MetaFour have an Emo in their midst!

There I was, enjoying a civilised G&T around Karen's*, when, out of the shadows beside her welsh dresser, stepped this emo!

Well, I nearly spat out out my gin, I was so surprised. Fortunately for my host (not The Host), it was the good stuff so I wasn't going to waste it, and managed to swallow, not spit.

"Good Gods!" I exclaimed.

The emo just gave a slight shrug and sighed faintly before wandering into the kitchen - rather elegantly, I must admit - on it's high heels.

"Oh, don't mind Lucien" said Karen. "He's just practising not being seen."

He? I was curious. I was well aware that emos wore make-up. Come July, once the schools break up, Boots make-up counter would be cleared out of any shade darker than charcoal. And great drifts of over-made-up, miserable teenagers would be bringing a surly, black tarnish to the city, as they wandered around spreading misery and contempt.
What they didn't tend to do, though, especially the males of the subspecies, was wear high heels. And tights, come to think of it.

"He?" I queried, gesturing to the heels as Lucien stood at the kitchen counter contemplating a limp bit of lollo rosso.

"Oh, Lucien had an epiphany last month" Karen started to explain somewhat wearily before turning and shouting into the kitchen "Didn't you, dear?"

Lucien ignored her.

"We'd only just got over the emo-thing when he surprised us with the cross-dressing. And then, last week, he told us he was joining the MetaFour junior reserves.
"Well, at that point, we were a bit blase about his decision. We knew he was a Supernatural obviously - With Emma** as a twin sister, how could he not be?"

"Mmm" I said.

"Anyway, we don't really mind. At least it gets him out of the house and mixing with other people."

"Yes." I was more than mildly stunned. "And what does he call himself, then? Or hasn't he taken a codename, yet?"

Karen looked me in the eyes, as if daring me to comment on what she was about to reveal.


I didn't even blink.

* Wraith's mum.
** Wraith.

The MetaFour

The MetaFour is a team of four Supernaturals, whose agenda at this point is unknown.

It would seem that the membership can change due to the existence of a sub-group of junior reserves, the latest member of which is TransLucy.


TransLucy is the codename for a Supernatural, teenage, cross-dressing emo, who, in June 2007, joined the junior reserves of the MetaFour.

His real name is Lucien and he lives in Norfolk with his mother, Karen, and twin sister Emma.

Known abilities consist of attaining a translucent state, which also encompasses his clothes, enabling him to effectively disappear into shadows.

Monday, 25 June 2007

Lawks! Someone's trying to kill me!

I found this on the patio this morning:

It must have landed during the night. Whoever dropped it obviously wasn't a very good aim as it landed on my neighbour's side. Or, possibly, their aim is even worse, because it may have been meant for number 50, four doors up, because it's got No.50 chalked on the roof.

And here it is trying to sneak up on me out of the undergrowth when I got home from work. As you can see, it's not very good at blending in...

Anyway, who would want to kill lil' ol' me?

MJ? For my ladylike walk, with my legs together, through which no daylight can be seen? Something you can only dream of?

Tazzy & Piggy? For my horizontal-stripe-wearing prowess?

Timothy? For that 'accidental' encounter on your windowsill the other night? I swear, I thought it was Monday, one of the court-agreed-upon stalking window cleaning days. Not Tuesday, your Nude Day...

Or was it you, Toby? Even though it may look like I've been eFlirting, I promise you that it must be Blogger paying up - You're the only one for me!
Unless Connor becomes available, of course.

Shut up. Shuuuuut-upp!

Quiet you two!

Now. Where was I? Oh, yes... I don't want you all thinking those vile white plastic chairs and that detestable red-brick barbecue are mine. No. They are the neighbour's. This is my garden*...

* Now fairy free due to Nuffy's weekly extermination sweeps.

Friday, 22 June 2007

They're here*

Eww, gods! It's like Invasion of the Body Scratchers. Never have I been so assaulted with man-made fibres.
I'm keeping a safe distance - polyester is a bugger for creating sparks, and you know how flammable we witches are...

Anyway, I'll do a proper post with pictures very soon. I just had to let you all know The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts have arrived once more on British soil.

* Think Carol Anne from Poltergeist

Tuesday, 19 June 2007

Snall smag


I seem to have hit a small snag and hope to be back at the weekend.

Europa's ice wasn't as thick as I'd hoped...

Friday, 15 June 2007


It's cold out here.

My hands are so numb that I can barely steer...

Shit! What the Hell's that!?!

Oh Jinkies! I think I'm caught in Europa's gravity well.

I'm gonna crash!

Ooh, those ice sheets look pretty hard...

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! I'm going down...

Wednesday, 13 June 2007

Back again. Briefly.

Oof! I got as far as Uranus before I realised that I'd forgotten my keys.


And, yes. The image is the right way up - It's the planet that's not. I think there was some cataclysmic space collision between Uranus and something nearly as large that knocked it for six.

Thursday, 7 June 2007

* crunch *

Just popping out for some industrial strength stain remover in anticipation of The Shorts arrival.

Or possibly a hammer and chisel...

I'll try not to be too long.

Monday, 4 June 2007

I've won! I've won! I've won!

Somehow, I have become the new 'handler' of the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts. Ick! I think MJ, the previous handler/fondler picked me on purpose. She knows that my delicate sensibilities would be averse to The Shorts very presence. Why, even the thought of them being in the same country gives me the dry heaves! Of course, she could also have picked me as the winner because pretty much all my captions were made at her expense...

Nevertheless, once The Shorts are within my rubber-gloved grasp, I shall endeavour to - and I'm really holding back the chunks here - model them for those Bloggers itching (and you will be, once you've got them on, I've no doubt) to feel their polyester perfection caressing their skin.

Now. A special mention must go to SID, for it was at his Blog that inspiration struck and enabled me to come up with the winning caption. I must also thank MJ profusely, albeit grudgingly, for the pictures, and, more importantly, the Definitive History Of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts. I'm so glad she took the time and effort to research and publish the history, because there's absolutely no way I'd ever be bothered to!

More on The Shorts when I receive them.

Sunday, 3 June 2007


The sky is devoid of clouds and the sun is beating down mercilessly.

I ventured outside to do some gardening and didn't immediately dessicate in the glaring sunlight. Yay! I'm immune!

I've just spent all afternoon sprawled on the patio, half-naked (top, not bottom) attempting to get some sort of tan. It was safe to do so because both sets of neighbours were out for the day, so I wouldn't blind them by reflecting the harsh light off the Host's lily-white skin!

I've just come inside and after checking my arms and torso meticulously, I discover one or two new freckles.

Well. At least it's a start.

Friday, 1 June 2007

Yay! First!

As I've posted something on the first of every month for the last few months (OK, except February and March), this month should be no different. Except that I've nothing of any significance to report. Prepare to be thrilled!

I had a lovely swim this morning. The pool was quite empty, enabling me to do a length and a half underwater without anyone getting in my way because they couldn't see me. An added bonus was the absence of that trailing mermaid.

Work was amazingly stress free. I managed to get away with doing shit all before going out with the other two members of my Work Coven for drinkypoos at lunchtime. This afternoon, I cleared my In, Pending and Out trays then buggered off early (3:30!) having exhausted myself with a full five hours & 35 minutes in that ghastly place.

I jumped into Car when I got home and we sped off to Sainsbury's where I managed to spend over one hundred shitting pounds! I blame the wine and washing powder. To make matters worse, Jamie Bamber wasn't there. And I'd worn my most arse-flattering jeans, long-sleeved powder-blue T-shirt and favourite ruby slippers red trainers, too. Bugger.

Never mind. The weather here is simply delightful! The sun's out. There's a slight breeze and the temperature is a not-too-hot 19 degrees. It's the best weather we've had for a couple of weeks. It's absolutely tiddled it down for the last week or so - At least I haven't had to water the garden. Once back from Sainsbury's (I should really get them to sponsor me as I mention them so often!), I pottered about in the garden for a bit before opening a bottle of wine and putting a pizza in Apocalypse Oven - Which, to it's credit, cooked it perfectly, for a change.

As I sit here regaling you with my eventful day, I'm listening to Johnny Mathis' A Certain Smile, the final few bars of which remind me of the Dungeons & Dragons theme. Ooh, Glen Campbell's Wichita Lineman is on now! At least it's calming me down as I think about the phone call from my sister, Inexcuseable, yesterday. She's getting married in a couple of weeks time, and is going out with her baying, screaming coven tomorrow night. She asked if I'd go out with them. Eeeeeek! I said yes before remembering to turn Autopolite off. Quite why I had it switched on while talking to her, I don't know.

Ummm... That's about it.

May your weekend be Famine, Pestilence, War and Death free. Not to mention Vermin, Petulance, Warts and Deaf free, too.

Ta ra!