As you may have noticed, we haven't been around much this year. Certainly not as much as I'd've liked, and not even as much as in last year's Lazy Baggagery! So that means that our grasp on the year's happenings and your reportings thereof is weak at best. Sorry.
However, there was certainly enough memorable stuff (and things I'd thought to make a note of when they happened) to create this end-of-year extravaganza!
Extravaganza? That's pushing it, don't you think?
Nah. A sprinkle of glitter (thanks to Jon) will cover the cracks and gaping holes in this rather haphazard (as always) round up and turn it into the Event of the season!
If you say so... Shall we get on with it, then?
Yes. Oh, hang on! I've got to add a bit at the end about the return of the "Did I Win Yet?" Award/Quiz/Competition/Event/Festival thingy!
Well, you'd better hurry because I'm launching this thing now. Be ready with your Champagne flutes all you glamorous Blogorati!
Oops! Wrong signage. Try this one:
Strap in. Here we go!
January
Quote : "My smut well has almost dried up." ~ What a way to start the year: The Very Mistress answering a question nobody asked.
Event : The 6th January was National Cuddle Up Day, apparently. Although I'd want to cuddle up to those freckles EVERY day! Adorable.
Thank you for bringing this auspicious occasion to our attention, Mr Tonking.
Art : Nouveau, of course. I love the fantastical, soft intricacy of Art Nouveau, and don't indulge myself in it as often as I should. Fortunately, Maddie popped up with a themed Mood Board this month which hit the spot.
Just popping in to drop off a few things before returning at the weekend to wrap up the year and stuff it in the Sideboard along with all the previous years.
First up from the 21st, I had a wander down to the promenade where the North Sea waved to me rather enthusiastically:
The 29th winner, Janie Junebug, is holding the FGES Caption Competition RIGHT NOW! So, why don't you pop over to her place and leave a witty/pithy/disgusting caption to be in with a chance of winning the detestable polyestables for yourself and joining the elite few whose nether regions have been where no one has wanted to go before!
It's almost the end of the year, so here are most of the things I've read, watched and listened to since my last updates back in July and August. Unfortunately, I don't have much time to spend on this as I need all the time I can get to work on the end-of-year roundup - which I've barely begun - Eeeek! (The observant amongst you will notice that I copied this intro from last year's end-of-year update because it's still relevant.)
Hmmm... Is anyone else having deja vu?
Read
⸰ GHOSTS:
The Button House Archivesby Mat Baynton, Simon Farnaby, Martha
Howe-Douglas, Jim Howick, Laurence Rickard, and Ben Willbond ~ This utterly hilarious accompaniment to the TV series is the only new book I've read since the summer. Written as it is by the creators/actors of the Ghosts TV series, The Button House Archives is absolutely true to form and packed with letters, articles, historical documents, and transcripts (by Alison, the "Living" who can see and hear the ghosts) which expand upon the lives (and deaths) of the ghosts.
Here, Martha Howe-Douglas who plays Lady Fanny Button, reads an excerpt in character:
Re-read
⸰ The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planetby Becky Chambers ~ Just as delightful and warm and emotional and tense as on the first read.
⸰ The Galaxy and the Ground Withinby Becky Chambers ~ Because I couldn't stop at just one of Becky Chambers' Wayfarers novels.
Watched
⸰ No Activity ~ I found this Australian police comedy on iPlayer after having watched Colin From Accountsearlier in the year. Amongst others, it stars Harriet Dyer and Patrick Brammell who created and starred in Colin From Accounts, so that was the main reason for watching it. And also because Patrick Brammell is a fox!
⸰ Ghosts, series 5 ~ Perhaps not quite as funny as previous series', this final series makes up for that with more emotional and serious themes. Plus, we finally learned how both Kitty and The Captain met their ends (The Captain's nearly broke my heart). And the Christmas Special is yet to come!
* The post title comes from The Captain wondering "Are we still playing Food Club, ..."
(Cock Soc is short for the N.A.A.F.I. Home Forces canteen Cocktail Society)
[In lieu of the Christmas Special, here's March's Comic Relief sketch featuring Kylie]
Sorry about that. The Official Hexenhäusli Device Woodsman is clearly keen to get going with my wood and couldn't wait for me to finish the introduction.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes: Thank you all for taking part in the Garden Photos Event this year! Whether you opened your gardens for the event or just visited and made approving noises in the comments (or just to yourselves if you didn't comment), we hope you enjoyed the show and maybe took away some inspiration for your garden/courtyard/balcony/windowbox/windowsill next year.
Oh, before I forget, two years ago Mr Tonking suggested a little music to accompany these GPE recaps. I don't know why I didn't make good his suggestion last year, but I've picked three tunes for this year.
First is "Since Yesterday" by Strawberry Switchblade - one of my favourite 80s songs. I picked this to go with Ms Scarlet's and Mr Tonking's strawberries (and mine!) - as well as those lurking behind Melanie's pitchers.
[Strawberry Switchblade recorded a demo track suitably called "Trees and Flowers" but it's a bit wishy-washy for my tastes]
This, the final array of flora & fauna from the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event 2023, is my own.
Take a Turn Around the Grounds with
M E, I D V
☙❧
I thought we'd start with the zoological specimens first as the display includes the majority of Hexenhäusli Device's grounds, so you can see the layout of the gardens and many of the plants too (not pictured: the North Lawn and Gardener's Private Retreat):
Arial view of the South Gardens
Widdershins from top left: Nursery web spider (Pisaura miribilis) in the red greenhouse [April], Large yellow underwing moth (Noctua pronuba) x2 in the potting station (not the related Satellite as incorrectly marked on the image) [July], Red Admiral (Vanessa atalanta) [August], Peacock (Aglais io)[August], and some sort of spider that I can't be bothered to try and identify on a rock next to the pond lake [June].
Here we are at the penultimate garden of this year's Infomaniac Garden Photos Event, the red, yellow, and orange-hued grounds of Mr Tonking. Welcome to:
Ah, here you are! Welcome to the sixth garden of the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event tour. I hope you brought that bacon rind I mentioned in the previous post?
Right, strap in - here we go:
M I T Z I'S
Unnatural Beauty
☙❧
Hello Mr D, I hope I'm not too late for this year's garden extravaganza. Sadly I won't be able to reply to any comments as I'm going away tomorrow[Saturday 28th Oct - IDV], if you wouldn't mind letting the hoi polloi know, I would hate them to think of me as haughty.
On stage at the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event tonight are:
the Bootilicious Blooms
of
M A D D I E
T H E
M I S T R E S S B O R G H E S E
☙❧
This is my selection for this year. I continue to be pleasantly surprised by how nice everything did considering I still don't know what I'm doing. Some of the gardens are still things my father had done when he was alive.... but much of the garden is fairly new beds with a little bit of everything.
Ah, how lovely to see you all again! This time on the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event we have:
M S S C A R L E T'S
Abundance of Blossom
(as well as her infamous Big Pink Bush, of course). I will pass you over to Ms Scarlet to introduce her garden photos:
☙❧
You will notice that Devon had an abundance of blossom in Springtime - Cherry blossom, and soooo much Hawthorn.
I have included a tease of my big pink bush, along with a couple of pots of pansies. And then there are several arty photos of my hydrangeas.
The hot spell in late September has given me a little crop of strawberries, which is very odd - the bonus being that I don't think there are any birds around to eat them if they ripen.
The Infomaniac Garden Photos Event is proud to present Jon's and Madam Arcati's:
Garden Festival
at
D O L O R E S
D E L A R G O
T O W E R S
☙❧
Rosa "Veilchenblau"
After the horrors of the Great Freeze in December 2022, when we had more than a week of frosts down to -8C/-17.6F (during which we lost all the Pelargoniums, both Eucomis, all the upper growth on the Cordyline, some Fuchsias, some Aquilegias, some Dahlias, some ornamental Cyclamen and an Agapanthus), one might have hoped for an improvement - but hell, no. We had mizzly, grey, chilly weather for weeks and weeks, culminating in torrential rainstorms all through March and April, which meant that time spent in the garden was intermittent, but at least the Daffodils, Tulips, Ipheion, Snowdrops, Crocus, Violas, hardy Cyclamen, Forget-me-Nots and Aubretia were all there to cheer us up!
Our second stop on the Garden Photos Event tour is at ProximaBlue's (AKA Melanie Reynolds):
Plenty of Pitchers at
M E L A N I E'S
Garden Party
Plant Entries:
Pitcher Plant: I was so excited to get my first pitcher plant flower. It was a bit tricky to get a good picture of it though since it stands up so far from the rest of the plant.
Welcome to the first stop on 2023's Infomaniac Garden Photos Event tour:
the Green Accented Apartment of
M R P E E N E E
As with previous GPEs, I'll be taking a back seat and letting the gardener talk us through the subjects of their garden photos. As long as they provided enough - or any - captions, that is. Which Peenee did fortunately, so I'll pass you over to him:
After years of having a large, meandering garden, I moved into an apartment with absolutely no exterior space. I resisted potted plants inside because it just seemed sad after all that time fighting the good garden fight. But lately, I decided to take advantage of the big windows here and have taken on a few inside plants.
I've always liked asparagus ferns and this one has returned my feelings by thriving.
This year the totally non-binding and entirely voluntary theme is wildlife and we have quite a few creepy-crawlies in amongst the foliage and flora for you to cast your eyes upon - as well as one or two rather larger specimens!
But before we begin, a big thank you to everyone who has submitted photos - and to those who have yet to do so but will do in the next few days (there's bound to be at least one - maybe two?) - without you, there would be no Garden Photos Event.
And big thanks also to The Very Mistress for allowing me to continue with the GPE in her stead.
Speaking of, the first garden photo that was submitted this year - which does include wildlife - was from The Very Mistress herself:
Hello, and welcome to the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event's Hallowe'en show:
Terrifying Triffidery!
As with previous years, please make your way around the various specimens and, if the mood strikes you, try and guess what each triffid mutated from and which of the Blogorati propagated it. Not everyone who's taking part in the main event submitted a triffid, so to make things a bit easier for you, those who did are listed on the poster above-
Which I spent the best part of yesterday making!
You'd never have guessed he watched Psycho recently, would you? Anyway, as I was saying, not everyone submitted a triffid, and some of those who did sent in more than one, so you may have your work cut out for you. The Host has labelled each specimen, so you just need to mention the number in the comments when making your guess rather than trying to describe the hideous things. And don't get too close to the triffids during your inspections lest we have to cut you out of them! Speaking of:
Due to some missing limbs - and indeed whole persons - during last year's show, Health & Safety have insisted on the employment of some sort of security guard-cum-triffid wrangler. So, I made some enquiries and garnered the services of Gavin the Gardener who, according to Peenee's pictorial review, has some experience with triffids.
Don't
let his beautiful, vacant face give you pause - just look at those
monstrous arms: they are almost as terrifying as the triffids! With my own eye I have witnessed Gavin grapple a triffid of great girth to its exhaustion, whereupon it promptly covered the poor young man with some sort of thick, sticky excreta. I assure you, he is well up to the task at hand.
Now, before you set off on the tour, here's a musical accompaniment in the form of Bright Light x2 with "Down to One" which first caught my ear and eye at Jon's.
If you stay behind the velvet ropes and don't dilly-dally at the exhibits, I'm sure the song's video won't be prophetic...
☙❧
T #1 : Overseeing the proceedings is this long-eared owl.
but not before we've hosed down and cleared up after Hallowe'en's
Terrifying Triffidery
So, for those of you taking part, please email me your photos by Saturday 28th October* (my blog's email address is in my Blogger profile on top of the Sideboard on the right there). Everyone is welcome, from Infomaniac Bitches of yore, to newcomers, friends-of-friends, and lurkers. More information can be found in the previous post, but if you have any questions, please ask away in the comments.
Oh, for fu- Ignore Bitey, look at the lovely blue cornflowers.
☙❧
* But, because I am a soft touch, as long as some of you send in your photos by then, the rest of you lallygaggers can have a bit longer. But not much longer, mind! I have things to do, and I don't want to be curating photos all the way through November.
(I'll leave it up to you to decide who's going to be in my good books by getting their photos in on time, and who will earn under-my-breath mutterings and a spectacular eye roll come 29th October. Or later. Almost certainly later.)
WILL DETONATE GO OFF IN T-MINUS 10 MINUTES 30 DAYS!
Or something less dramatic.
So, anyway, yes, it'll soon be Garden Photos Event time so I hope you've all been taking photos of how your expansive grounds | bijou courtyard | overgrown wilderness | rampant houseplants | tasteful city garden | impenetrable jungle | potted paradise [delete as applicable] has grown over the year, as I'll want your carefully curated selections - along with verbose or terse captions - in my in-box by Saturday 28th October, please.
If you've managed to capture on film any visting non-domestic fauna (however big or small) to your garden please include those photos as well, as the (entirely voluntary) theme this year is Wildlife. More information about this can be found in the previous GPE reminder, here.
And remember also to include a photo or two of a particularly spooky plant in your collection - or, failing that, a rather more mundane plant which has been snapped at an odd angle/close-up/while drunk - for the GPE preview Terrifying Triffidery on the 31st.
This blog's gmail address for sending your photos & captions into is in my profile on top of the Sideboard over there. Or, if you have the Host's personal hotmail address, you can use that instead.
Right. Let's have a look at some photos from Allotment Device to get you in the mood, shall we?
Some of the various allotment visitors/permanent residents
(and, yes, the common black diving beetle is in a bath)
Yes, I know I'm supposed to be putting up a reminder for the upcoming Infomaniac Garden Photos Event* but the trailer for the fifth and final** series of Ghosts is now out!
(It's an intriguing trailer but not quite up to the heights of series 4's)
Hawk moth, that is. Well, in caterpillar form, anyway:
I whined over at Ms Nations' place not so long ago that I hadn't seen an elephant hawk moth caterpillar in years. However, while on my way back from the allotment earlier, what should be crossing the track but this enormous thing - it was as big as my finger!
[I was going to put up a Garden Photos Event reminder today, but time has escaped me, so I'll do one next week instead)]
Here are the other photos from this morning's Bitey walk (early while it was still relatively cool), and a little slow tempo music (as someone found Friday's too fast...)
You know what I haven't bored you with for ages? Beach sunrise photos!
We haven't done one of these since the beginning of the year (if you do click the link to reminisce, just note that in the depths of winter the sun rises behind the cliffs rather than out to sea as in the following photos). And before that there was something in May last year, albeit not quite as spectacular as that one from September 2021.
Well, I'm here to put that right with some photos taken on this morning's pre-work walk and a little music to accompany your scrolling: Aria on Air by Malcolm McLaren & Yanni
Nine common problems that can be solved by moving the f**k out of London
CAN’T afford a house? Can’t afford a meal out? Travelling six miles takes two hours and costs you £40? Have you considered getting the f**k out of London?
No affordable rents: With the capital full of other young professional housemates stealing your shampoo, have you considered living outside it? In provincial towns like Chorley and Sleaford where rent is low? They’ve got electricity and tapas, allegedly.
No nightlife options: Restaurants and nightclubs in London are famous and famously expensive. Restaurants and nightclubs in the rest of the country are less so, and often called things like The Wheatsheaf Grill or Zanzibar’s, but you can go to them.
No affordable transport: A system of underground trains in a major city is expensive. Getting the bus in Barnsley is not. Riding a bike in Wrexham is practically free. And have you considered walking to work in Warrington? It can be done, crazy as it sounds.
Overcrowding: It’s impossible to find a patch of London park not commandeered by boot camp fitness twats, rowdy bored-shitless teenagers or mums playing ‘here we go round the Mulberry bag’ for a two-year-old’s party. Could it possibly be because there’s too f**king many of you in the same place?
No time to see friends: Lengthy commutes, long working hours and spiralling service costs mean that even in the same city, you only see friends on Zoom. Are you getting it yet? That the city is a nightmare and you could just piss off somewhere nicer?
Gentrification: Be the gentrifier. Take your fancy arsehole graduate job and go and gentrify Ashton-under-Lyne. All it actually means is buying a cheap house and making the area more pleasant. Is that so evil, or are your values horrendously warped?
Pollution: You know the black snot thing ends immediately north of EN6, don’t you? You sneer when your provincial friends come down and complain about it? Then what’s stopping you moving to Staffordshire? Fear of big cats?
I’ll never get on the property ladder: No, you f**king won’t. Nor will you ever buy in Manhattan, Tokyo or Sandbanks, so have you considered living somewhere you can afford like normal people do?
I can’t talk about anything but living in London: This one is absolutely solved after six months in Stafford after which you will, finally, get over yourself. Unless you move to Cornwall or the Cotswolds. It’s still the sole topic of conversation with the refugees there.
As I seem incapable of putting together any of the blog posts that have been lurking at the back of our mind recently, here is a quick update on some of the books and doujinshi manga we've read recently instead.
I stopped reading Smoke and Mirrors as it was too miserable and grim. To help the Host get over it, while I was waiting in the Cusp departure lounge for my portal home, I picked up a copy of The Sunday Blogger Club. But only because it came with a free blogging rota.
You see, I've been on a "business trip" Over the Cusp; The Very Mistress took to her fainting chaise in 1973 and has barely been seen since; Jon is on holiday and jetting off to Amsterdam or somesuch; Maddie seems to have only just got back and she's off again; Mago managed a Sunday Music on Saturday - No, not the following one, Saturday before - which has thrown us all for a loop; And Ms Scarlet emigrated from Wordpress to Blogger and now needs a prompt to get her going!
Yes, I think that rota will come in very handy.
Anyway. Back to the reading material:
A Fine Life - The story of a nascent witch whose unwanted commitments and obligations are arranged away by an unseen imp. Although the witch is vaguely aware of the imp and its interventions, they do not know the full extent of the imp's arrangements and the subsequent consequences wreaked upon their friends and family. Although, they are beginning to suspect.
The Furtherest Ones - A collection of tales of unobtainable love and inappropriate lust in a beautiful but terrible land beyond the reach of mere mortals. One such tale is about a sea spirit who yearns to touch the sun, even knowing that should it be possible, they'll evaporate. They are teased by the Moon, and are drawn to him as a tide, but the Moon always releases them before they can overcome their world's gravity and join the Sun and the Moon as they dance together in the sky.
Spindle: Wind the Thread Around Xem - A book about how to structure and write novels of the classic Karskat genre. It's a bit awkward - translated as it is from ancient Andorii.
Star Trek Costumes: Five Decades of Fashion from the Final Frontier, by Paula M. Block and Terry J. Erdmann
This is my first Trek book purchase for a LONG time. And I only got it because it was a fiver instead of £35!
I've only had time to flick through it so far, and seems not as comprehensive or detailed as I'd like, but it does have some wonderful concept art and gorgeous photographs. My favourite Trek film, STIII: The Search For Spock appears to be well served with a good covering of the civilian clothing and Vulcan garments.
Definitely worth £5.
T.S.D. Master of Poison Radio Wave and other selected manga of Dokudenpa Jushintei, by Kobucha Omaso.
Some of these tales of young men coming to terms with their sexuality and dealing with first love/lust are very dear and quite charming. They're illustrated with adorable looking young men sporting perfect bodies and seemingly endless reserves of energy - which ends up being used for a LOT of gleefully drawn, enthusiastic sex! But that's only a part of it - it's the emotional stuff that's most important, of course.
Only a few are translated into English, and even that's rather hit-and-miss, but it's quite fun to imagine what's going on and what the characters are saying. (I've run a few through Google Translate images and that's even more hit-and-miss, but I get the gist)
Oh, and there are some that are definitely not my cup of tea, such as the ones with chibi or too young looking characters, and the ones with tentacles (I just don't get it).
Danger:RUDE!For the gentlemen who prefer to travel up the chocolate escalator or are a receiver of swollen goods*, and anyone else who may be curious, click here for T.S.D. vol.1. And once you're there, I'd recommend right-clicking any link to open in a new window - even if only clicking to the next page - to prevent unwanted video sex websites opening. I use Firefox which blocks most pop-ups, but doesn't seem to catch them all on the linked to BaraMangaOnline site.
Well, The Very Mistress raises a good point, and one that's been on my mind lately as I've taken some close-up photos around the garden, but without background for context, they could have been taken anywhere. So, I have come up with a couple of solutions:
I spied this variety of ichneumon wasp (Amblyjoppa proteus - at least I think that's what it is?) while enjoying a G&T in my shade garden
Bitey wishes it to be known that these rather tiny, ambulatory anal beads do NOT belong to him. And they're certainly not mine, either!
This, like last week's publication, is just another mish-mash post because I don't have anything specific to relay. My niece, Lionel (not her real name) scrawled the always amusing epithet above on our garage wall some months ago, yet it is only now that I have got around to taking a photo of it to share here. I'd actually only gone outside in the rain to take a photo of 'Eva Boerg' swinging away under a bird box, when I realised I could kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.
. . .
Now, a little music from our favourite Pop Princess, Kylie. Apparently, this track - "Running" - didn't make the cut for her upcoming album, Tension, but it is still utterly fabulous!
. . .
I finished The Bullet That Missed (see last post) and definitely have a crush on Bogdan. The last page of chapter 84 cinched the deal - I just wanted to give him a big hug. And then he'd reciprocate with those big, muscular, tattooed arms. Ahhhhh...
Anyway, enough about Bogdan (even though I don't think there can ever be too much Bogdan). I have started a re-read of Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman (last re-reads here in 2013 and here in 2008).
I've wanted to read this collection of short stories again for quite a few years, but had been thwarted by not having the book. You see, I'd lent it to my sister, Indescribable (Lionel's mum), a long, long time ago, but every time I'd asked for it back she claimed to have already returned it because it definitely wasn't in her house anywhere. Definitely.
Except until it was (she found it behind some other books in her unruly bookcase a couple of months ago and sheepishly gave it back to me).
. . .
Star Trek! I am EXTREMELY excited for the forthcoming episode of Strange New Worlds because it's a crossover with my favourite Trek show, the animated Lower Decks, and features a live action Boimler (in the clip below) and Mariner (both played by their respective voice actors, Jack Quaid and Tawny Newsome).
Unfortunately, I won't be watching it when it airs on Thursday because I don't have Paramount+, so I'll have to make do with clips and screencaps until it comes out on BluRay (or I can get a free trial of P+ or something). Bah!
. . .
Finally, last month I found this scrawled piece of advice in a field of oil seed rape while walking Bitey:
I'm not going to pay it any heed as I like thinking, and don't like doing!
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