Mid-Week Muscles : Pondering Cleanliness

 I was looking through my draft posts (22 of them!) to see if I had something almost finished that I could "touch up" and post, so to speak, when I came across (not literally) this one from almost a year ago:

~ cue wobbly soap opera flashback effect ~

We have a new cleaner at work.  He is young and attractive.

26.04.2018 - After the most languorous yet insouciant display of vacuuming I have ever seen, followed by a nod 'hello', the new cleaner slowly and deliberately coiled up his vacuum cleaner cable while facing half-away from me.  The level of arrogant nonchalance with which he managed to instill in this simple action was quite remarkable. And hypnotic.  His muscles are quite impressive.

27.04.2018 - The muscular young cleaning youth did it again.  I think he may be on to me, though, as this time he deliberately faced me as I was sitting at my desk.  Having completed another seemingly languid and indolent pass of the horrid carpet tiles, he almost casually coiled that cable again, unnecessarily flexing his biceps and bouncing his pecs in my direction.  I didn't know where to look!  Well, I did, clearly...

To make things worse, he actually smiled at me a couple of times.  Not while doing his "routine", but in passing as he moved down the office.

He looks like this (John Hirka), only with less shirt-lifting (mores the pity)
Also, with less "I think I'm having a heart attack" after covering himself up...

Wind Score and Wishing for Blue

 It is cold and overcast here on the North Norfolk coast today, so I'm not going out.  Instead, I'm going to sit at my desk and draw pictures of Starfleet Redshirts falling over, in compromising positions, with wardrobe malfunctions, and being generally clumsy and hapless for this month's art challenge.
 While the Host does that, here are some photos from March which include the kind of weather I wish was going on outside now.

17th March

A very windy day at the End-of-the-Line

 It was very windy on the 17th.  So much so that Inexcuseable informed me later that Number 34's griffin laid the same egg three times!
 Nevertheless, it didn't stop me from drifting down to the beach and beyond the End-of-the Line.  Once there, I started to notice some strange marks in the sand.  They looked like tracks from some peculiar vehicle or object that had made its way (or been dragged) across the beach.  However, upon further investigation, they could not have been from any Earthly vehicle/object as, despite their regularity, the "tracks" widened and narrowed as they criss-crossed the sand, leading to and from various inaccessible places.  Also, despite the various footprints on the beach, none of them accompanied these score marks, so they can't have been made by people/animals dragging something.

It's A Faaaake! Not The Art Of Star Trek - Disco 78

 Now that I've managed to get one hastily slapped together post published (yesterday's groyne monitoring shenanigans), it's time for another.  Yes, more Star Trek related nincompoopery with my entry for March's Trek BBS Art Challenge.

 But first, a quick aside:

Thank you, Ms Scarlet, for my Universe on a Chair!
I shall endeavour to rule it wisely, and not get carried away with
delusions of grandeur or a full blown attack of megalomania.

Much better photos can be seen at Ms Scarlet's

I have already been doing some tinkering with the Universe,
as you can see below. But only the bit that can be seen from
the spare bedroom of the DeVice Mansion.

Out of all of this lot, only the constellation of Canis Minor can be seen in full.
Leo, Cancer, Hydra et al were last seen a year ago in
Constellations from a Nightshade Tarot

 And now, the feature presentation:

 Here is the Star Trek art challenge as set by February's winner:

Someone is monitoring my groyne!

Nice day for it

 Right.  Now that Bryce's Bum is out in the open, I thought it was about time to get back to that laziest form of blog posts: photos from a walk on the beach.
 These photos are all from Thursday's foray out into the fresh air.  And talking of lazy, I actually got Broom out and flew down there because I couldn't be bothered to walk!
 As always, click the pics to embigulate.

Broom managed to get to something approaching what one might call "altitude", allowing these photos of magnificent, yet barren, landscapes.

Just look at the strata of the cliffs.  This is easily missed unless one is flying hundreds of millimetres overhead

A Discovery of Derrières

 Originally, this bottom-related post was just going to be an aside in another post, as it only featured one pert posterior, that of the rather yummy Lieutenant Bryce (portrayed by the equally yummy Ronnie Rowe Jr.), communications officer (just like Lt. Uhura) aboard the USS Discovery.

Here's Lt. Bryce and his delightful derrière, along with (right to left) Commander Saru, Captain Pike, and Admiral Cornwell

 
 But then, a recent episode displayed gratuitous shots - bordering on the obscene! - of the new Spock's spacesuit clad buttocks.  I, along with many others, had to reach for the smelling salts.  And then lost several hours wearing the pause and rewind buttons out...

Spock and his foster sister, star-of-the-show, Michael Burnham

First glimpse of that arse!  Look's like Michael's seen something else, though...

Hexenhäusli deVice in the Arms of Orion

 After haranguing in your multitudes, I -
 "Multitudes?!?  I hardly think that an amount that can be counted on the fingers of one hand classes as haranguing.

Even a Norfolk one.  But not this one...

And I don't think anyone actually harangued - It was more like polite asking, if you ask me.

 Well, I didn't ask you.  Nobody did!  Anyway, some of you asked to see the DeVice Mansion, so here it is:

Hexenhäusli deVice - aka the DeVice Mansion - a week before we moved in

The kitchen (well, duh!)

The gracious hall/foyer.  One day soon, I'm going to stand on the stairs with a glass of Champagne just like Linda Evans as Krystle Carrington in the Dynasty opening titles!

Half-Arsed...

 I wish it hadn't been so long since I last blogged, as I am now right out of the habit, and finding it all a bit overwhelming.  Plus, it looks like you've all been really busy, so I've got loads of catching up to do (this is more a pleasure than a chore, mind).  To make matters worse, I have several things that I want to pin down here, but I can't remember them all, and the ones that I do remember, I can't really be arsed to make the effort required to [can't think of the right word/s - I'll come back to this].

 Well, I think I'm going to do some bullet points of the topics we should have blogged about since the beginning of the month then, if you make interested noises, we'll devote a whole post to the subject at a not-too-much-later date.  How's that?

• The DeVice Mansion (or "Hexenhäusli deVice", as Mr Mago suggested), including curtains and garden guests.
• "Shhhhh!  They're strapping down Liza Minelli." - Which pop culture words or quotes have entered your vocabulary?
• Ms Scarlet's birthday.  Drat!  Too late...
• Disco Maroons - A mish-mash of Star Trek styles (a bit late for this, too, as it was supposed to be for the February Art Challenge.  Nevermind, I can recycle it for March's.  If I can get it done within a week...)
• Bryce's Bum and other Perfectly-formed Posteriors - Basically, this is just perving over some of the best bottoms in Star Trek Discovery (ZOMG!* Have you seen Ethan Peck Spock's bum in that space suit?!?)
• A couple of day drifts (including today's foray along the beach)

::

This is Friday's afternoon tea (try and ignore The Father's sausage fingers on the left - they weren't part of it)

::

* I don't know what this means.  I mean, the OMG must be "Oh My Gods", but as to the Z... Anyone?

Memories of Green

 Those vile, green, ribbed-for-your-pleasure, posterior-pleasers - and, no, I'm not talking about those Freakin' Green Elf Shorts (currently awaiting their debut in Ms Scarlet's clutches) - have escaped their imprisonment from the attic of Castlette DeVice!

Run, Very Mistress. Run!

 One of the pair languished in the attic for over six years, the other one for about three or four years (we agreed to a plea bargain in which it was granted sitting status, but only for Ming [mayherestinpeace] - as the white and grey hairs wedged into the nooks and crannies attested to).  They saw an opportunity after Inexcuseable's Husband (seen here fending off moist bints) left the attic trapdoor unlocked (possibly on purpose), and I, innocent to the plot, turned up to poach the Wifi.  After grappling with emails and WhatsApps, I returned to Car and found, to my horror, the tiresome tubular chairs relaxing on the back seat!

It's here I realise that I should have taken photographic evidence to illustrate this invasion of green - somewhat like this prior encounter, but not this one (as it is in black and white...) - an oversight I regret now.

 Despite much foot stamping and threats of thaumatalurgical violence, the hollow-framed horrors just smiled - a disconcerting expression on a pair of fifty year old (or thereabouts) corduroy chairs - and bade me to transport them to their new home at the DeVice Mansion.

Here they are in their new habitat.  Arrogant sods.

Blatant in the boudoir

Gingerbread Boredom*

 The day has finally arrived:  I have vanquished the Gingerbread Board and become the owner of a newly constructed gingerbread cottage house mansion!

 What this means is that I shall inevitably be spending all weekend in the throws of moving in, then flinging myselves back to work on Monday to get away from it all.  Oh, and also, not blogging for a while as the interwebular wotsit is not being sorted for another week or two (or possibly longer).
 I will try and catch up with you all from work, but some of the NSFW blogs (Very Mistress, I'm looking at you), will be beyond my grasp - I'm not ignoring you on purpose.

 Until my triumphant return, don't be too evil!


* Sorry.  I couldn't think of a better title.  Perhaps you could come up with something better in my absence?

Eye for an Eye

 I was just allowing the Host to think about his top twelve sexiest Star Trek characters-

He was "thinking" a little bit too enthusiastically, for my liking.

Well, yes, but Captain Pike is rather a fox!

Oh, OK, I 'll allow it.

 Anyway, as I was saying, the Host was doing some thinking-
 All will become clear in the next post.  Or possibly the one after that.

A rather inappropriate looking glass

 Yes.  Thank you.  Now, where was I?  Oh, yes, you were thinking while we were enjoying a (rather too hot) bath when I noticed this:

 I'm pretty sure Inexcuseable didn't mean it to spy on me, but rather to keep an eye on Count Podgekinson's bathtime.  Or to catch her husband weeing all over the toilet bowl rim (because it sure as hells isn't me doing it - I prefer a more leisurely sit-down affair)...
 Still, the fact remains that my own sister can see me in the altogether, should she so desire.  Which I'm sure she doesn't, but even so...

 Despite the small dimensions of Castlette DeVice's bathroom, it isn't small enough for me to reach across from my gently simmering bath and scrawl a nullifying spell* on the mirror.
 In fact, the mirror may as well have been a million miles away as, when I'm in the bath, I get out for nothing and no-one until I'm done**.  Which meant a rather chaste bath, and a lot of awkward manoeuvring with a towel when I did eventually get out.


* The only spell I know for counteracting Inexcuseable's Looking Glass spell involves (amongst other things) drawing over the eye with my own tears.  And I don't think the Host has enough nostril hairs to pluck to make our eyes water enough to cover her rather large "masterpiece".
** With the exception of Captain Pike, a life-time supply of fondant fancies, and - possibly - Knight.

It's A Faaaake! Not The Art Of Star Trek - Caught Red Handed

Slightly dishevelled with an errant forelock.  Mmmmm...

 It's been two weeks since my last post, so you'd think I'd have plenty to share, wouldn't you?  Well, no, I've got bog all.  Except for a load of half-arsed Star Trek-related art work from January's art challenge.
 Oh, and the new Captain Christopher Pike from Star Trek: Discovery.  He's such a fox!  Just look at him there on the right.  Anson Mount Pike is easily the equal of the original Jeffrey Hunter Pike from Star Trek's pilot episode.  Although, I don't think he ever was a pool boy, though?

Mores the pity.

 Anyway, back to some hastily slapped together artwork, and the challenge that inspired it:

Well, a New Year is upon us and maybe some of us (like a certain Discovery character) are planning on spreading our wings and trying something different this year by joining a new organisation or club.
Star Trek has its fair share of secret or clandestine organisations from the Tal Shiar to the Obsidian Order or Section 31. But perhaps there's other, more benign, exclusive clubs in the Star Trek universe: do the Vulcan's have a Magic Circle? Is there a club for Starfleet Chief Engineers, where they can meet up and bemoan the state of their engines? A Klingon 'Fight Club'?
The challenge this month is to depict a facet of your chosen secret society within the Star Trek universe, be it a logo, recruitment poster, a dedicated starship, a meeting of members, a secret greeting or ceremony, etc.

 Rather than leaving it all until the last minute, like usual, I found a few minutes on the afternoon of the 17th January to make a start. After reminiscing with some of you lot about TV programmes we used to watch as kids, I wondered if the Red Hand Gang might have inspired children in the 23rd or 24th centuries. So, out came the red paint:

 The top two hand prints are obviously (hopefully) Vulcan, and the bottom two are my take on Terellian (of the four-armed variety).

Not #adecadeago

 In a rare moment of desperately attempting to appear "on trend", I thought I'd have a go at Ms Scarlet and Jon's #adecadeago meme.  You know, the one in which ancient bloggers who haven't moved on to new forms of social media (or have, but gave up because it was all so petty and overwhelming) look back at their dusty old archives, and dredge up whatever it is they were blogging about a decade - 10 years! - ago.
 Well, after the successes of the aforementioned Ms Scarlet (AKA The Duchess of Devonshire) and Jon (the Official Plant Spotter of Castle Device and its extensive Witchdom), as well as LẌ and Mitzi, my foray ten years into the past was a disappointment to say the least: an excuse for not blogging, rudely interrupted by that interfering old baggage, Audrey (who has since been expunged from my consciousnesses - sub, or otherwise).  I think Tim said it best when he proclaimed me a "slacker".

Although, he's a fine one to talk.
Quite.

 Anyway, not wanting to let the side down, I came up with a new way to play: travelling back in time by two years to 2017, and then eight years to 2011, which brings us to a grand total of ten years.  Clever, eh?  And, between them, both cover the (not really a) requirement for an old meme and some art work.

 So, two years ago, on the 1st February 2017, we arrive at another meme started by Ms Scarlet: the "Book on a Chair" meme, or #bookonachair as it would be known in today's modern hashtag parlance.

By this point in the proceedings, we were really reaching...

 And eight years ago, on the 1st February 2011, we land slap-bang in Star Trek territory, on the second stop of a voyage that never was, replete with sketches of starships.

oOo

 Because I don't think any of the images from my two #adecadeago posts linked to up there are particularly worthy of reposting here, I thought I'd share a couple of photos I took from Count Podgekinson's bedroom window on the morning of the last day in January:

Look! You can see the birds roosting in this close-up - wood pigeons, I think?