Not the Royal Wedding Anniversary

 On my way back from Indescribable's (I was there for Babyzilla's birthday on Sunday), Inexcuseable sent me a text saying that we were nearly out of milk. I also remembered that the dishwasher still needed de-nymphing and so I popped to the supermarket near Sandringham to get the milk and de-nymphing solution.

Inexcuseable's husband getting accosted by nymphos as he fishes
an errant teaspoon out of the dishwasher's filter.

 Remind me never to stop there again.

 When I entered the store, there was a contingent of old ladies blocking the fruit & veg aisle, so I nipped down the hairnets & dogfood aisle reasoning that it'd be clear as the old ladies were already engaged. And I was right. Almost.
 A balding old man with unfortunately large ears stood in the centre of the aisle seemingly weighing up two cans of pet food. As I neared him, I could see that he was actually trying to decide between flavours of Mrs. Majesty queen food. In one hand was Ossifrage & Hummingbird flavour, and in the other, the new (I could tell it was new by the bright yellow "New!" star on it) Otter & Flamingo flavour.
 After shoving past him, I made my way to the toiletries aisle as I had a feeling I was nearly out of shaving gel. Unfortunately, they only had womens shaving foam, so I bought a small can, turning the label so I couldn't see Helen McDermott's suspender elastic staring back at me from the basket.

Helen McDermott in her early career as a model/strumpet

 Later, I got held up behind the old coot from the hairnets & dogfood aisle as he led his cocktail sausages from the checkout to the exit.

Fresh Battenberg Brand sausage meat

 To make matters worse, on the way out the carpark was annoyingly thronged with peasants milling around aimlessly.

Where in blazes did one park the blasted carriage?

 Oh, and I forgot the milk!