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The Freakin' Green** Elf Shorts bask in the sun,
across the garden from... |
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| ...a vista in which gruelling hard labour is soon to become apparent. |
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The Father of the Host starts up the blender concrete mixer... |
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...and leaves his
Son-Who-Cannot-Possibly-Remain-A-Homosexual-After-Such-A-Masculine-Activity
to feed the cantankerous clattering clank
(Hmmm... Looking a bit gaunt, there - Must remember to eat this week). |
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| The Host grabs the dozing 'Shorts (Eww - without putting rubber gloves on first)... |
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| ...and drops them into the 'mixer. |
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| They struggle to escape, but the Host pushes them back with a shovel. |
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| The tainted concrete is used to create the base for a patio... |
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| ...where The 'Shorts will be entombed for eternity. Buried alive . . . Buried alive... |
* Skillz pointed out to me that the word 'patio' is pronounced 'pat-ee-oh', which just seems vulgar, so I've spelled it phonetically. ** OK, so they're grey...
P.S. I'll announce the winner of the Recipe For Disaster challenge in a couple of days - unless no one else leaves a recipe, it'll be SID.
Everyone look how limp his wrist is!!!
ReplyDeleteJust award the Recipe prize to SID. He's going to win anyway, he's that *reluctantly admits* good.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you make the prize a free week of manual labour for SID at his house? You could lay a new patio for SID. Or just lay him. No, on second thought, that would be the booby prize.
I hope you don't intend for this posting to be the Shorts compo because you actually have to WEAR The Shorts for the compo to be official.
ReplyDeleteYou ARE looking a little gaunt.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you inject some of the fat from SID's arse into your body?
Good(hates to admit)idea MJ.
ReplyDeleteI need someone to lay a patio at my place, and as I'm crap at DIY...
I could even fire a couple of kilos of spuds IVDs way,looks like the boy needs fattening.
Which makes me wonder who owns the huge knickers on the clothes line?
Was Piggy staying?
I'm reporting you to the RSPCFGES.
Oh bollocks,I meant good idea that IVD does some labour at my house.
ReplyDeleteThat MJ never bloody sleeps,always creeping in.
Must be a vampire or something.
MJ: Hold on... Booby prize? For SID or me? And remember, I've seen that horrifying pic of SIDs man-boobs...
ReplyDeleteAnd no, this isn't the FGES compo - I just posted it to prove that I did take some pictures (albeit with a black & white film) and did the manual labour, too! Unfortunately, the pics I was going to use for the official compo are pretty much useless - too dark. I didn't use the flash.
SID: I'm not doing any more concreting, so don't listen to MJ (I didn't think you did, anyway?). It makes my wrists a little too flexible...
Oh Christ! Yes, the horror that are Giant Mummy Pants are, in fact, visible. Thank Heavens that they're way over there.
I'll have a jacket spud with tuna & mayo, if you're offering! Put a bit of garlic in, too. It might ward MJ off for a while...
What I meant is that if SID won your questionable services, it would be considered a booby prize.
ReplyDeleteIVD,I've noticed that at least you know how to hold a tool. But then again, I bet you've had plenty of practice.
Is that a wee muscle under the sleeve of your left arm?
ReplyDeleteCan't be from manual labour.
Must be your wanking arm.
So have you turned straight yet?
ReplyDeleteNot that any woman in her right mind would want you.
MJ: Cheek! I admit that I have had a few tools in my firm grip over the years. But only in the interests of homo improvement.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm not left handed - You should see the muscles in my right arm! I certainly haven't turned straight, either. I did turn, but only to tell some rancid old prozzy that she's barking up the wrong tree - Well, she was a bit of a dog.
Cripes! What a typo! Home. I meant HOME!
ReplyDeleteIs your Dad tiny? In the fourth picture he looks like he's about four inches tall while shovelling stuff into the cement mixer.
ReplyDeleteHmmm... this is odd... it's like a photo documentary from the 1930s ... the black and white cement mixer ... i don't know... brings all manner of stylistic awareness to my mind...
ReplyDeletesort of
Homo improvement -heh! Su-uuuu-ure that was a typo.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you tainted your parents' patio with the shorts. I know the manual labour bit is cruel, but what a way to get revenge.
How do I win these shorts!
ReplyDeleteTim:Well, The Father claims he was six feet tall once, but we know old people shrink. I just didn't think it was possible to lose 5'8" in a couple of months.
ReplyDeleteUnless one gets decapitated...
Gleds OMG! You weren't forced into horrendous manual labour, too, were you?
Snooze: I don't think my plan is going to work - The Parents are already saying cracks are starting to appear. And the concrete does have a strange green glow...
Frobi: I'll explain all when I get some proper pics of The 'Shorts. I may be some time...
Obviously Frobi wasn't paying attention during my Shorts compo which is why he didn't win them then. He doesn't stand a chance.
ReplyDeleteThose shorts are supernatural. How long can the concrete contain them?
ReplyDeleteI also need to do my long overdue hag duty... OMG! Ur like sooooo hotte.
Ok, now that's over. But seriously. Why hasn't Connor Trineer been beating down your door?
Here it's pronounced, 'paaaaaa'eo'.
ReplyDeleteEven in black and white the pants scare me
ReplyDeleteEven stood beside a cement mixer, you still can't look butch!
ReplyDelete(Tazzy made me say that)
Why don't you make a plaster cast while you're at it of your wand?
ReplyDeleteYou could flog it on eBay to all your trade.
For God's sake man, eat something.
ReplyDeleteNo, don't eat a thing.
ReplyDelete*wants to point and laff as The Shorts drop to his scrawny little ankles*
you are so evohl MJ
ReplyDeleteI love it!
Where is that mincing little poof?
ReplyDeleteDo you think he has the man flu?
Or has he been swallowed up by the mixer?
T-Bird: The Father has just been on the phone - Apparently, the paysho is in ruins! The 'Shorts have escaped!
ReplyDeleteI hope the reason Connor hasn't beaten my door down isn't that he's been intercepted by them?
Tickers: Patay? Mmmm... pate. Might eat some of that.
Cyberpete: Just don't look behind you...
Tazzy: So, are you going to show me how it's done?
MJ: Here I am!
* pours plaster of paris into MJ's open (surprise, surprise) gob *
I keep reading it as payshot, like money shot, and wondering why there are no nude pictures.
ReplyDeleteWhere are the nude pictures!??!