Not to hoe, obviously. I don't ride hoes as I don't want to be mistaken for a warlock (although I do wear hoodies). Warlocks tend to be vain and self-aggrandising, and a little bit dim fortunately, otherwise - if they stopped thinking about themselves for a mere micromip - they could cause a lot more bother than they already do.
Anyway, enough about those hoes, let's have a look at how the allotment is doing, shall we? If you make it all the way to the end, I'll treat you to a couple of hoes, and there may even be a bit of a rake!
14th May
In the fruit cage are some horrible redcurrants. They're so sour and pointless - I hate them! Despite pretty much ignoring them, they just keep growing and cropping, growing and cropping. Bah!
Behind the currants is a cherry tree and a row of raspberries
Globe artichokes
At the bottom of the allotment, covering half the shed, is a loganberry.
It's not one I planted, so I'm guessing a bird shat out a seed behind the shed which then grew to monstrous proportions.
Horrid pears. Which gives me an excuse to quote the utterly adorable
Ensign Sam Rutherford from Star Trek: Lower Decks -
"I hate pears again! They're so mealy and bland. Fuck pears!"
19th May
California poppy
Alliums
22nd May
Some sort of moth
The loganberry again - I'll be eating lots of crumble and/or jam later in the year.
Close up of that California poppy's rude bits
A massive globe artichoke at the side of the track leading to the allotments...
... with an impressive Ceanothus next to it (which has just about gone over, now).
2nd June
And at the bottom of the allotment, the Bramley apple (left) and Victoria plum (middle right) trees, and the loganberry-covered shed (as well as loads of carefully nurtured foxgloves).
Halfway down is a halfhearted attempt at some annual crops: sunflowers and sweetcorn
Three runaway blackberries and a greengage tree at the top of the allotment
I think the only thing keeping this shed behind the blackberries even vaguely upright are some haphazard, but serendipitously placed thrown polystyrene packaging blocks inside.
4th June
Ooh! I can see right up your glove!
Amongst the foxgloves and Echiums are the Victoria plum (left), and Bramley apple (right)
Despite not riding hoes, I do occasionally use one to get rid of weeds. I have something else I can ride instead of a hoe, though: my new strimmer! It's faster than Broom, and has that handy grab-handle for when things get rough. It also imparts a not unpleasant buzzing vibration through one's posterior...
However, it's somewhat noisy (whereas Broom is almost completely silent), and the battery only lasts for about half an hour, so I can't get far on it.
Mr IDV - tear down that shed !
ReplyDeleteI was about to say that I could probably blow it over with a sneeze, but it has withstood some VERY strong winds here on the North Norfolk coast.
DeleteSo far...
Why on earth would you grow pears or redcurrants if you don't actually like either of them? Jx
ReplyDeletePS As for the lovely foxgloves - be careful not to anger the fairies!
Well, The Mother planted them when this was her allotment (technically it is still half hers, but she doesn't do very much with it these days), and I can't be arsed to get rid of them. I actually like pears, but these ones always end up splitting and never seem to ripen (they're always hard and mealy).
DeleteThe fairies don't get a look in. I use the foxgloves as thimbles in order to cope with all the pricks!
Apparently, in the UK you shouldn't try and leave pears ripen on the tree, but pick them unripe and refrigerate them first:
Deletehttps://www.campaignforrealfarming.org/2011/10/minding-your-ps-and-qs-how-to-get-the-best-from-pears-and-quince/
Jx
Ah, I'll try that with these ones. If they don't all fall off the tree, or split, or become all wizened. Although, I am reminded of that Eddie Izzard sketch, though...
DeleteI have always thought green gages are plums, but plums don't grow like that.
ReplyDeleteThey are a type of plum. Aren't they? Anyway, I expect some of them will drop off soon allowing the others to ripen fully.
DeleteYour bounty runneth over. And I must ask... have you chance to frolic amongst the foliage minus petticoats and frocks? Ah, such ripe plums... or are they grapes? Mouthwatering all the same... Kizzes.
ReplyDeleteNo! I have to tuck my skirts into my socks so the red ants and other biting pests don't crawl up my legs and cover them in grape-sized blisters (I seem to have a very severe reaction to something up at the allotment - I haven't worked out what it is that does all the biting yet, though).
DeleteAnd they're definitely plums, Mr Tonking ;)
I'm allergic to certain bites, too - we weren't sure whether it was the Blandford Fly or some kind of beetle, but our last garden was infested, and I was perpetually nursing swollen bits! Thank heavens this garden is paved. Jx
DeleteBlimey! Blandford fly bites look horrendous! (I've just done a quick search) Whatever bites/stings me doesn't hurt - either when it happens, or afterwards - but it really itches for days, if not weeks, and I'm always left with the aforementioned blisters/weals. I think it must be some sort of crawling creature, as I always get the bites where my sock runs out on my leg (if I haven't tucked my trousers in).
DeleteWill you be lending that strimmer to Miss Scarlet for use on her unruly bush?
ReplyDeleteI don't know if it's powerful enough to cope, Very Mistress. I expect Ms Scarlet may need an industrial petrol-powered strimmer for her bush?
DeleteSince MsScarlet has cold feet, her bush may no be top priority right now. Sine Cerere and Baccho friget Venus.
DeleteI hope that whoever is warming Ms Scarlet's feet can build a more substantial fire than that little cherub's pathetic affair.
DeleteThat's the trouble with growing your own, that nature doesn't obligingly grow exactly what you fancy, clean, chop and wrap it for you. Our mother used to grow blackberries and even after shed given away as many as she could I was sick of them and in fact haven't eaten them for years.
ReplyDeleteI read micronip as micropimp so perhaps the universe is suggesting you run a quite unusual brothel in the shed.
My youngest sister, Inexcuseable, won't eat anything grown at home or from the allotment for exactly that reason - they aren't perfect specimens wrapped in plastic!
DeleteThe brothel would have to be unusual indeed if it was in the leaning shed...
Apologies, I am sulking. I have been waiting for some sunny weather to show off my unruly bush, but I have now missed my window of opportunity as the pink blooms are on the wane. Upsetting. And worth sulking about. There will be no flashes of inspiration bush in 2022.
ReplyDeleteSx
Oh, Ms Scarlet, surely not! Perhaps you could get a close up of one or two still pert blooms?
DeleteOr - as part of this year's event is for photos of gardens past - maybe you have an old photo of your magnificent (if unruly) Big Pink Bush (when it wasn't quite so big)?
"Gardens past..." I'll be a shoo-in for that. My former garden has been raised. Yep, all gone. And last week they even pulled down the pergola.
ReplyDeleteOh, no! That must be quite disheartening after all your hard work and garden good times. I wonder what they're going to do with it?
DeleteStill, you have a new garden now, and I can't wait to see what you do with it.
The more immediate "what I do" involves some quite severe pruning...but I think I'll save a Triffid or two for your delectation.
DeleteSplendid!
Delete