Monday, 6 November 2006


Continued from... Sharp Prick

"250 years from now, someone's going to find one of your toenail clippings and create an effigy of you. Using a rather ancient microwave oven, some modern technology, a previously worthless spell and the said effigy, you will be almost successfully summoned to 2257" my visitor explained.

"Almost successfully?" I finally manage to ask.

"Unfortunately, you arrive somewhat overdone" he reluctantly admits.

I just look at him blankly for a while before saying "Oh. We all survive, then?"
He looks uncomfortable, then says "In a manner of speaking. The Host's body dies but his spectral form is still hanging around - As you can imagine, he was less than thrilled - He's becoming quite a nuisance, actually."

"What about me?"

"Well, we managed to find your subconscious, as you can tell for I am hosting it. As for the rest of you..."


"We're not entirely sure."

Oh Jebus! The future is full of nincompoops. "I see. What's your name, anyway?"

"Conrad Folkard-Device" he replies. "You forced... Sorry. Your Subconscious persuaded me to take the name."

"Are you any relation?" I asked, as I normally end up in someone from the family tree.

"Yes, actually. To the Host. Not directly descended from him, due him being a Gayer and not reproducing, but I'm his youngest sister's great-to-the-power-of-six grandson." He looks at his rather elegant watch. "Look. I must go. I'm on a break - I only get 15 minutes."

"So you're here why, exactly?"

"Oh, yes. That. I just came to pick up this" and he bends over, retrieving a toenail clipping from behind the lav before proffering it to me. "Get rid of it."

"Thanks" I said. "I think."

"Obviously, it's too late for us as this has already happened, but hopefully you can be spared" he says.

"Spared being split into my component parts?"

"Um... Yes."

"Of course."

"Right. Must be off. I'm supposed to be on the bridge in two minutes."


"Bye, then."

And with that he disappeared, leaving me completely starkers, holding a bit of toenail on my bathroom floor.

Really? What was the point?


  1. Anonymous7/11/06 09:13

    Oh, IDV! You are like a funnier, gayer version of Terry Pratchitt!

    I remain your devoted hag,

    Miss T.

  2. Anonymous8/11/06 22:01

    glad to see there is a future of sorts for the Device family tree.

    sorry about your molecules and such.

  3. Thanks KG. Molecules are such difficult things to keep hold of these days!

    in hideous pseudo-French accent: But Miss T? Wis zees compliments, you are reelly zpoiling us.

    * blushes then imagines an army of faithful hags to carry out every nefarious whim *


  4. Do we have any pictures?

  5. Pictures of the army of faithful hags, Frobi?

  6. Well you in the bathroom really, but I'll settle for an army of hags.

  7. Lawks!

    * blushes some more - on all four cheeks *

  8. Anonymous9/11/06 21:42

    Te heee!


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