Moooving... On a Sunday afternoon*

Well, it's the end of an era. After nearly ten and a half years in Castle DeVice, nee The Host's Home, we're (all four of us, plus Audrey) moving out. This weekend to be precise. Which is why we haven't been about on the blog circuit as much as we'd like lately - We've spent an inordinate amount of time sorting, packing, cleaning, recycling and chucking (out, not up) instead. Plus, there's been all that time spent at SP's. And now, all our time will be spent at SP's as that's where we're moving to!

To be honest, living in a gingerbread castle is not all it's cracked up to be. If it's not bugs and rodents trying to eat us out of house and home, it's pesky neighbourhood kids. Gingerbread isn't particularly waterproof either. Or structurally sound... It's lucky to have lasted this long, really.




Anyway, I shall miss it, despite the damp, the occasional fires, the different time zones, the uninvited guests and it's infernal inhabitants. I may even miss Beaky.

Ahhh... Good times. Sort of.

And now I shall take my leave. Not forever (ha!), just until I get settled in to my new home and work out how to reattach the Demon Box to the ether. Once we've decided where to put it. And I haven't dropped it during the move...




* Yes, I know today's Wednesday (the most evil of days) and not Sunday, but I'll be moving on Sunday and won't have the opportunity to post then.

P&T's description of me

 From the despicable little trotters of Piggy (and probably egged-on by Tazzy), came this description of me:

 “Ever heard the phrase 'Friend of Dorothy'? Well, meet Dorothy. As queer as they come. A fully qualified, professional, mincing machine. Complete with neurotic split personality and everything.”
 

 Charming.
 

The Valentines Day Mascara

::ponders to selves::

Hmmm... What can I write on Tim's Facebook Wall? How about:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
You can't see me,
but I can see you!

No. No. Too stalky. Ummm...

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I'm in your bed
what will you have me do?

No. Stalky and forward.

Let's see... Ooh! I know...

* writes on Tim's wall *

Just drink them, Tim. Forget about those flibberty-jibbet floosies from your Valentines post, and join me on the Pink Side!

Mwah hah hah hah hah ha!





Drat! I evil-laughed out loud again, didn't I?





Bugger.

A clear winner

I am pleased to announce that the winner of Monday's Items of Interest post is:

* suspenseful drumroll *





Frobisher!

Frobi guessed correctly with: "It's one of those hideous glass balls with bubbles in - v. popular in the 1970's." At this point, I would like to mention that Tara came a very close second with: "Let's see...is it the intestines of a marble?" Speaking of which, Betty's guess makes a very appropriate third: "It's a picture from one of those keyhole surgery cameras. I'm not going to guess where it was situated or I will have nightmares."

Frobi also asked: "is there a prize???"

No. There is not. Except to see the "hideous glass ball" in its place on the shelves of Castle DeVice:



Ah. Perhaps I should have placed it somewhere else for the purposes of the photo...

Items of Interest: Classier than an ashtray

Hello, and welcome to another edition of

Items of Interest

Yes, the game show where I either can't be arsed, or have no time to write about anything else, so it's left up to you, the undiscerning viewer, to guess what inane object from Castle DeVice I've posted this time. I realise the previous sentence should have had at least one full stop in it, but, quite frankly, I couldn't be arsed to go back and amend it.

Anyway, on with the show. What, dear viewer, is this:






Now then, I'm off to SP's but I'll be back at some point tomorrow. And if you're really unlucky, Wednesday, too. I might even take it upon myself to visit some of your blogs that I've neglected for so long as I feel really out of the loop.

A change is as good as a rest - I hope.

I'd like to say that I've had a rest, but that isn't the case. Instead, I've been rushed off my feet cleaning, clearing out and packing. You see, I will very shortly be moving in with SP. Yes, you heard correctly, I'm moving in with my boyfriend of five months. We practically live together anyway - I spend so much time at his that it's just a natural progression. My lack of time spent here at Castle DeVice should be evident from the lack of posts I've put up in the last couple of months. Well, what else did you think I'd been doing? Actually, I don't know if I want you to answer that.

Anyway, my point is, you may like to notice the small changes I've implemented here at Castle DeVice. Some additions to the links on the right, plus the updated blog rolls that show when they were last updated (if their feeds are switched on*. Hmmm? T-Bird?).
Below are three of the new links that are particular favourites of mine.

Man's Adventure

This blog by J.Bone, an artist based in Toronto, is fit to bursting with sketches and finished artwork of lip-lickingly fit men! Mostly in various states of undress. Much like Josh the hockey player here.
While I very much enjoy the subject matter, I also love his style of drawing - he makes it look so simple - and the explanations & descriptions that go with each picture.
A word of warning, though: Beware visiting the links on his blog - quite a few are not safe for work. Unless your employer enjoys seeing naked cartoon men having a stab in the dark with their absolutely enormous cocks...


Rademaker/Clawhammer

I discovered this artist's blog after following a link at Trekmovie.com recently. The artist, Mark Rademaker, has been commissioned to produce images of the starship USS Aventine (the picture on the left), as commanded by Captain Ezri Dax in the Star Trek universe.
If you visit his blog, be sure to check out his gallery - There are some amazing creations, not least his space-yacht and a rather fetching broomstick!


Least I Could Do

I can't remember how I found this site, I just know that I find the lead character, Rayne Summers, inexplicably endearing.

Plus, sometimes he gets his kit off...








* I don't really know what I'm talking about. I don't know what feeds and other such technobabble are. It just sounded good. I wouldn't have the first clue to make my blog show the latest update in someone else's blog roll.

Absence makes the heart... Give up and wander off somewhere else.

I've-

* ahem *

Excuse me. I obviously mean 'we've' been away this weekend.

That's better. Carry on.

Right, Audrey. Anyway, we've been away this weekend. Me, the Host and Audrey.

Why that old baggage had to come, I don't know?

Shhhh! I was going to put up a post to explain our absence, but to be honest, I didn't think any of you would have noticed what with the less than regular posting I've just about managed to publish lately.
I'll attempt to post something of worth later this week, so stick around, do.

Better go now - I'm supposed to be at SP's.

For Piggy

* S N A P S *

There. Satisfied, Piggy?

You didn't think there was an actual physical prize, did you? I still haven't got around to posting Snooze's prize for guessing what the initials SP stood for. And, you'll have to share those snaps with T-bird because she made the effort to describe which part of Aliens the quote was from.

Now. No squabbling over it.

An ill wind

Firstly, apologies for my unnotified absence. I would have posted earlier but I was rather vexingly detained on my way back from Tartarus. I'd 'misplaced' my paperwork you see, and almost became a permanent 'resident' what with being a little bit undead.

Anyway, the delay meant that I only just managed to keep ahead of the windstorm that was heading towards home. I really need to get a new, faster broom...


"This is IDV turning on final. Coming around to a seven-zero-niner. Terminal guidance locked in. Where's the damn beacon?*" Then I saw it emerge from the low cloud ceiling. From the twilight haze ahead, the distant city landing beacons became visible and the disembodied voice of the air traffic controller echoed in my head.

"That's a negative, IDV. We've got several nannies primed for dust-off."

"What?!"

"We're expecting an imminent wind change. The met. tower has checked and verified."

I swore under my breath. "Bugger." This is why I hated coming in late ahead of a prevailing wind.

"Please join the stack until the nannies are clear."

I sighed and directed Broom into a holding pattern above the other circling airspace users. Peering down, I noticed a couple of other witches near the bottom of the stack, the nightship above them, a druid atop a surprisingly manoeuverable megalith** and, directly beneath me, Dragon. She waved and grinned, baring far too many teeth for my liking. I smiled insincerely back at her. At that moment, the air traffic controller cut in again:

"Here comes the wind change now. Stand by for some chop."

From the city below, movement caught my eye. Ascending from the big houses were dozens of prim nannies hanging beneath umbrellas and parasols, looking for all the world like seeds blown from a dandelion clock. Much as I loathed waiting in a stack like any of your common or garden arial entities, the sight of that many airborne nannies was truly something to behold. However, my awe was about to be rudely interrupted.

* PHHHHHHAAAAAAAAARRRRRRPBT! *

"Good. Gods!" I exclaimed as a cloud of noxious fumes arose from below me. I covered my nose and looking down to see Dragon looking sheepish. "What ever have you been eating?"

Dragon looked even more abashed.

"Oh no, not those fat kids from the council estate? I told you fast food was bad for you. And just think of your cholesterol levels!"



* Snaps to whomever guesses the film that this line is taken from.
** Well, how do you think they transport all those stones to make henges?

East Angular

Now, before I tell you who guessed the last Item of Interest item correctly, I'd like to present to you this rather amusing take on Kanye & Estelle's "American boy" by Thomsta (whoever he is). It's called "East Anglian boy" and rips the piss out of the East Anglian stereotype, as well as showing off some of our locales. It was featured on Kiss radio station at some point recently - I have no idea when because I don't really listen to it myself.

I would just like to point out that I am not a typical East Anglian boy because, luckily, The Mother's family doesn't come from around here.

Oh, and for the uninitiated (i.e. non-Britlanders), East Anglia is a region of England which comprises the four counties of Norfolk, Suffolk, Cambridgeshire and Essex.



If that video didn't automatically start playing the next one, click here to have a listen. It's how we East Anglians actually speak. Really. Except me, of course.

- - -

Right then, I'd better let you know who guessed the Item of Interest correctly.

It was so nearly 'Petra with "Obviously it's a swarovsky crystal whiskey bottle. You know, the Blake Carrington variety of Dynasty." But Eros was the first to guess correctly with "I was going to say glass window or a new crystal ball, but I'm taking another guess. It's a decanter." He managed to pip you other 'decanter guessers' at the post (yes, you Ponita & T-Bird). Oh, and I know I said you can make up something preposterous, but Tim took it to a new level with "It's the view from the inside of your bizarre bile-and-newspaper chrysalis where you're hibernating after eating Beaky's family."

- - -

Ooh, one last thing: The post title isn't spelt incorrectly. It's a nod to the infamous (well, at least here in the UK and India) Jade Goody's spectacular lack of pronunciation and geographical knowledge.
Here's a transcript of her East Angular conversation with Spencer whilst in the Big Brother 2 house:

Spencer: "You know you see those people in Venice standing on the back of gondolas, pushing it around?"
Jade: "They don't do that on the Thames though, do they?"
Spencer: "No. I don't work on the Thames. I work in Cambridge."
Jade: "Is there not the Thames there?"
Spencer: "No!"
Jade: "Is there a river called the Cambridge river?"
Spencer: "Yeah, it's called the Cam."Jade: "Really? You swear? I only thought there was the Thames. I thought that was the main one in London."
Spencer: "It is. I don't live in London."
Jade: "I'm confused. I thought Cambridge was in London. I knew Birmingham weren't in London."
Spencer: "Would you like to go and tell the group what you just said?"
Jade: "No..."
Spencer: "Cambridge is a city."
Jade: "But we've got a city in London."
Spencer: "Yes. This city is called London. And there's different parts of it. Cambridge is a city."
Jade: "Of where? Kent?"
Jade: "Well England's a country, London's a city, Bermondsey's just a throw-off. Now where are you? What's your country, and what's your things?"
Spencer: "What country am I from? England. The city is called Cambridge, the county Cambridgeshire."
Jade: "So not Kent then?"
Spencer: "Nooooo.... The region is called East Anglia."
Jade: East Angular? That's abroad. Is there not a place called East Angular abroad?"
Spencer: "Jade, have you been taking the stupid pills again?"
Jade: "Every time people tell me they work in East Angular, I actually think they're talking about near Tunisia and places like that. Am I thick?"
Spencer: "Well, I hate to say it, but you are."Jade: "Cos Scottish and Irish and all that comes under England, doesn't it?"
Spencer: "No... They come under Great Britain. Scotland and Wales have their own flags. Northern Ireland and Ireland are different."
Jade: "So they're not together? Where's Berlin?"
Spencer: "Germany..."

Bless.

Items of Interest: Liquid lunch for me, Mrs M.

Ah, I'm already on the fourth in the Items of Interest series. Just goes to show that I've got bugger all else to blog about, doesn't it?

Well, actually, I do have a couple more posts in mind, but they're a bit lengthy and I haven't had time to compose them properly. I might have a go at one of them while I'm in the bath later...

Anyway, back to this post. You know what to do: Guess what the item in question is. Or, at least, make up something preposterous.

Away you go, then!




P.S. The item in question (as can all the other Items of Interest) can be seen in this post, albeit from a distance.

The Worm Has Turned!

Yikes!

I found this daubed on a piece of street furniture at the back of my home:




It would appear that Timothy Elizabeth Leng, concerned at my less than regular posting, has turned from stalkee to stalker to find out what I've been up to that's more important than paying him compliments. Albeit rather blatantly salacious and lascivious ones.

Oh, he might put up a fuss at my 'attentions', but he gets exceedingly jealous if I so much as look at another blogger!

Anyway, it seems he's fought off other would-be stalkers and claimed his territory by leaving his mark:



Looks like he needs a little more practise with the spray control, though. Just look at the run-off on the L & E. Not to mention the faded downstroke on the G.

Come on, Tim. I expected more from you. And how about a little colour next time, hmm?