Tuesday, 27 May 2008

Hot footing it

Out! Get out you little bastards! Ou- No! Not on the carpet. Oh, look what you've done... Eeeek! The lino! Shoo!

Oh, how I loathe ironing shirts. Remind me never to try using magic to get it done again. My iron turned into a herd of tiny elephants with red hot feet and proceeded to trample all over the dining room carpet. Which is now covered in hundreds of little smouldering footprints...
And you should see the lino in the kitchen! Tiny molten craters of lino lead from the dining room to the back door where I managed to shoo most of the little buggers out.

* sniff sniff *

Uh oh. I can smell burning. I think one of them ran under the radiator...


  1. Anonymous27/5/08 21:40

    You were running around in your high heels again weren't you?

  2. Ironing is evil. I could be in the best mood, and then ironing happens. Haven't had to do much of it in awhile, though! I bought a solution you spray on your clothes that helps iron out wrinkles without the iron. Oh and I also take my stuff out of the dryer as soon as it turns off. The helps a bit too, but not always. Riveting story, I know.

  3. I iron the redneck way - throw it in the dryer with a wet towel for 5 or 10 minutes. Works about 90% of the time, and there's no elephant poop to clean up.

  4. Jinkies! It didn't take long for you lot to turn up.

    Connie: Not running per se...

    Tara: Oh how I love that turn of phrase "I could be in the best mood, and then ironing happens" I'm going to nab it for future use. Ta!

    Sunshine & Kitten Farts: Hee hee hee! Kitten farts...

    Anyway, now that you've made me laugh, I'd best get on with the reply proper: I'm going to have to try it your way!

  5. I get someone else to do it.

  6. You iron? Good grief…

  7. I have a burn from my last ironing expedition that will (from experience with these things) take about a year or two to fade completely.

    I am so hiring someone, MJ style.

  8. What the Hell's going on!? What's everyone doing here so soon after I posted?

    Ah well, better make the most of it...

    MJ: Let me guess - SID. While dressed head to foot in balck rubber?

    Tim: Well, I try not to. Look what happens!

    T-Bird: I don't know if MJ will share SID? You could try one of Knudsen's gurlyboys?

  9. Yes, SID is my cleaning bitch but there's an opening in his black rubber outfit so it's not completely head to toe.

    No, I won't share. All of you can get your own.

  10. Not every outfit has a flap round the back like your sailor outfit.

    And I'll thank you not to discuss my personal business any further.

  11. T-Bird: But I always thought it was a physical impossibility to eat through there?

    MJ: Believe me, your business is off the menu.

  12. Thankfully Piggy hasn't been by.

    Try getting trotter prints out of the lino...impossible!

  13. Anonymous27/5/08 23:02

    Ah, that'll explain those marks on your arse that we thought were fag-burns resulting from some sordid experience.

  14. Anonymous27/5/08 23:05

    *kicks MJ in the cunt*

    Speaking of which. We've been wondering if her aging fanny resembles something created by Salvador Dali...

    *reaches for mind bleach*

  15. What's everyone doing here so soon after I posted?

    Scary, aren't we? Muah ha ha. It's a surprise blog comment attack!

  16. *wonders if the Lascaux cave paintings of Piggy have withered up and faded away much like his willie*

  17. Another reason to parade around in nothing but a speedo: no ironing.

  18. How does he eat though there? Suppositories, I suppose.

  19. "My iron turned into a herd of tiny elephants with red hot feet and proceeded to trample all over the dining room carpet"

    Ironing while on LSD is bound to end in tears, if not injury, maiming or death.

  20. Let's hope the elephants didn't leave any droppings. Though, I suppose they could make great fertilizer...

    I don't mind the ironing. It's the washing and drying that takes forever! Once I get to the ironing, I know the chores are almost done!

  21. I hope you had your CD of Benny Hill music appropriately cranked up.

  22. MJ: It's the skid marks on the bed sheets I'm more concerned about. I don't know what I was thinking about when I offered the spare bed to Piggy & Tazzy!?

    * also reaches for mind bleach *

    Tara: Arrrgh! And my defences were down!

    MJ: I bet they're mere smudges. Much like his willy.

    Snooze: You're still not really selling it to me. Remember your promise to warn me when The Speedo Take Over is imminent!

    T-Bird: MJ says he likes pineapples. Eeeek!

    Betty: I heartily agree. Lowfat Salsa Dip always makes me come over all peculiar.

    Eros: The few that they did leave were steaming...

    Dinah: But of course! As any godd British householder would have.


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