That little git, Beaky, has almost had my eye out!
I was, minding my own business in the garden, potting on some philadelphus and moving my agaves across the paysho. I turned around, crouched to pick up another pot, then stood up with it, only to find a sharp yellow beak with four ounces of blackbird attached to it hurtling towards my face.
Yaaarrghh!
I ducked just in time, as Beaky didn't make any attempt to swerve. I dropped the pot which smashed onto the paysho, feeling the breeze from his passing ruffle my hair. As he zoomed off, Beaky let fly with his piercing expletive-laden call, probably with a smug look on his evil little face.
When I get my hands on the little bastard, I'm going to have him stuffed and use him as a toilet-roll holder!
Send him the bill!
ReplyDeleteOh and that's a novelty item, stuffed blackbird loo roll holder
That's just pure evil. Poor black bird. He saw your hairy ass and thought of nesting.
ReplyDeleteThat's what you get for being so tall.
ReplyDeleteIs he going to be one of those toilet roll holders that has a massive tule skirt? If so, I'd like to order one!
ReplyDeleteThose things are so frou!
Did you feel like a Hitchcock extra?
ReplyDeleteGood wee Beaky!
I'll bet Edgar Allen Poe had stories like that in his unpublished poems....Oh wait, he wrote about a raven...Ah, they're all rude birds in the end.
ReplyDeleteIs it going to be like Dinah's Kleenex box cover?
ReplyDeleteI hope so!
ReplyDeletePerhaps it's time for your sister's cats to make a visit to your garden. Or maybe you can test out that urban legend about feeding Tums to birds...something about them exploding.
ReplyDeleteCyberpetra: Novelty item? Eww! In that case, T-Bird can have him. As long as I frou-frou him up with a skirt from The Age Of Crinoline!
ReplyDeleteTatas: But I don't have a donkey in the garden...
Tim: Something tells me that Beaky would have aimed for my eyes even if I was only Piggy's height. Or lack, thereof...
Tara: They are indeed. Poe probably couldn't publish his blackbird poems because they were too smutty.
MJ: Somehow, I don't think even a be-crinolined Beaky could match Dinah's Kleenex box cover...
Eros: Ooh, I'm liking the Tums idea. I hope it'll work on greedy pigeons, too? I'd better be ready with a spatter-shield!
Age of crinoline - there'd better be bustle, buster.
ReplyDeleteRemember that bustle that MJ wore in Snow White: A Tale of Turmoil? Well, it's like that only bustlier!
ReplyDeleteOh dear
ReplyDeleteA bird sh*t on my coat this morning, apparently it is good luck if it lands on your head. How? How is that good? I am glad this didn't land on my head, I suspect this bird had been scrounging at the local curry house...
ReplyDeleteCyberPetra: Oh dear, indeed. At least this bustle will only be obscuring a toilet roll, rather than piles...
ReplyDeleteWatch*paint*dry: It's probably good luck in that pteradactyls are extinct!
Yuk! Curry bird poo.
You are right, or you can just send beaky through the mirror into that Hans Christian Andersen story where the posh woman or princess I don't remember is cooking some kind of chickens in the oven
ReplyDeleteThat would make an interesting read at least, as I remember the original being terribly dull.
Maybe Peecat and I should stalk your garden and take care of Beaky once and for all. Peecat's a pretty good hunter for a neurotic scaredy-cat.
ReplyDeleteCyberPetra: Sounds like a plan. Beaky's learnt to avoid Apocalypse Oven, but perhaps he won't be so wise to a Mirror oven?
ReplyDeleteT-Bird: Maybe you should. There're plenty of places a Peecat could lie in wait in. And you could lie in wait for a cocktail on the paysho!
I do love a wine on the paysho! I need a place to put up my kitten heels at the end of the day!
ReplyDelete