Sunday, May 18, 2008

Duck! No, it's a blackbird...


That little git, Beaky, has almost had my eye out!

I was, minding my own business in the garden, potting on some philadelphus and moving my agaves across the paysho. I turned around, crouched to pick up another pot, then stood up with it, only to find a sharp yellow beak with four ounces of blackbird attached to it hurtling towards my face.

Yaaarrghh!

I ducked just in time, as Beaky didn't make any attempt to swerve. I dropped the pot which smashed onto the paysho, feeling the breeze from his passing ruffle my hair. As he zoomed off, Beaky let fly with his piercing expletive-laden call, probably with a smug look on his evil little face.

When I get my hands on the little bastard, I'm going to have him stuffed and use him as a toilet-roll holder!

19 comments:

  1. Send him the bill!

    Oh and that's a novelty item, stuffed blackbird loo roll holder

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  2. That's just pure evil. Poor black bird. He saw your hairy ass and thought of nesting.

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  3. That's what you get for being so tall.

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  4. Is he going to be one of those toilet roll holders that has a massive tule skirt? If so, I'd like to order one!

    Those things are so frou!

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  5. Did you feel like a Hitchcock extra?

    Good wee Beaky!

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  6. I'll bet Edgar Allen Poe had stories like that in his unpublished poems....Oh wait, he wrote about a raven...Ah, they're all rude birds in the end.

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  7. Is it going to be like Dinah's Kleenex box cover?

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  8. Perhaps it's time for your sister's cats to make a visit to your garden. Or maybe you can test out that urban legend about feeding Tums to birds...something about them exploding.

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  9. Cyberpetra: Novelty item? Eww! In that case, T-Bird can have him. As long as I frou-frou him up with a skirt from The Age Of Crinoline!

    Tatas: But I don't have a donkey in the garden...

    Tim: Something tells me that Beaky would have aimed for my eyes even if I was only Piggy's height. Or lack, thereof...

    Tara: They are indeed. Poe probably couldn't publish his blackbird poems because they were too smutty.

    MJ: Somehow, I don't think even a be-crinolined Beaky could match Dinah's Kleenex box cover...

    Eros: Ooh, I'm liking the Tums idea. I hope it'll work on greedy pigeons, too? I'd better be ready with a spatter-shield!

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  10. Age of crinoline - there'd better be bustle, buster.

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  11. Remember that bustle that MJ wore in Snow White: A Tale of Turmoil? Well, it's like that only bustlier!

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  12. A bird sh*t on my coat this morning, apparently it is good luck if it lands on your head. How? How is that good? I am glad this didn't land on my head, I suspect this bird had been scrounging at the local curry house...

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  13. CyberPetra: Oh dear, indeed. At least this bustle will only be obscuring a toilet roll, rather than piles...

    Watch*paint*dry: It's probably good luck in that pteradactyls are extinct!

    Yuk! Curry bird poo.

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  14. You are right, or you can just send beaky through the mirror into that Hans Christian Andersen story where the posh woman or princess I don't remember is cooking some kind of chickens in the oven

    That would make an interesting read at least, as I remember the original being terribly dull.

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  15. Maybe Peecat and I should stalk your garden and take care of Beaky once and for all. Peecat's a pretty good hunter for a neurotic scaredy-cat.

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  16. CyberPetra: Sounds like a plan. Beaky's learnt to avoid Apocalypse Oven, but perhaps he won't be so wise to a Mirror oven?

    T-Bird: Maybe you should. There're plenty of places a Peecat could lie in wait in. And you could lie in wait for a cocktail on the paysho!

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  17. I do love a wine on the paysho! I need a place to put up my kitten heels at the end of the day!

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