Friday, 22 February 2008

Witch mode of transport?

That's it! Dar Kart's had Broom quite long enough. I'm sick of the loaned umbrella for otherworldly transport. If only Car could traverse the other realms. I bet this one could...

"Hat!" I commanded to my witches hat as it clung to the wall, humming to itself like a neural parasite. It subserviently released its grip and flew over to me, landing gently on me before extending its point.

"Brolly!" The loaned umbrella reluctantly pirouetted across the floor until its handle rested in my outstretched hand.

"We're going to fetch Broom" I informed it. It shook a little and whined. "No, I'm only flying you as far as the NightShip stop. Hanging beneath you may be OK for the likes of Poppins, but it's not OK with me. It's undignified."

And with that I stepped out of the door, locked it behind me, walked down the back passage to the patio and opened the umbrella. A quick glance around confirmed that none of the neighbours were around, or peering out of their windows. I gritted my teeth and hissed "Come on, then. Let's get this over with."

Rather grudgingly, I had to admit that lift off was a lot more sedate than on Broom. But, still, hanging from one's mode of transport just looks daft. I was cringing all the way to the NightShip stop on Mousehold Heath.


  1. Did you open the umbrella in your back passage?

    I bet that hurt.

    Maybe not considering how many foreign objects have been in your back passage.

  2. You might ne surprised at how much of a tight squeeze my back passage actually is, MJ.

  3. be. BE!

    ne, indeed. I'm not one of the knights...

  4. I bet the Alfa Bat handles like jelly.

  5. Ooh, that's a great car. You should totally get one of those. You could call it Carl! that's totally a car that helps people do things - solve mysteries, make trouble, or travel through time and space.

  6. Tim: I think you're just jelly-ous!

    Dinah: I like your thinking. But would I call it Carl? Or Car-rul?

  7. Car-rul sounds like Ja Rule, the 'famous' rapper and actor.

  8. Hmm.. Perhaps my spelling could do with some tweaking: Car-Rl? Car-Ruhl?

    How the heck does one spell Carl like Homer says: "I'm just going outside... To stalk... Lenny and Carl... D'OH!"

  9. Car-ruhl would drop paper clips and fail to start when you needed a quick escape from realms where say, you need to get away from Lo-cocks in Hi-cock clothing.

    Erm, not that I am talking from experience or anything.

  10. Anonymous23/2/08 00:58

    That car is fucking horrible!

  11. Chitty chitty bang bang!!!

    I'd much rather have a car that can transform! would come in very handy during traffic jams! or when saving the world!

    Was the broom repair bill covered by your insurance policy?

  12. "Hanging beneath you may be OK for the likes of Poppins, but it's not OK with me. It's undignified."

    Is that because you are not wearing underwear again?

  13. Rihanna apparently has no problem with it.

  14. Well Rihanna is a skank

  15. Did you see that terrible performance she did with the Klaxons at the Brits?

    My god, that was beyond terrible actually. There are no words to describe how bad it was.

  16. I completely vetoed the Brits this year and watched Reaper on E4 instead.

  17. With covered front wheel arches, this car may or may not be transworld but it must have the turning circle of an ocean going oil tanker.

  18. T-Bird: Are you sure there's no experience there?

    Piggy: Remind me again when you had your style and taste removed? 1942? 1943?

    Eros: That car transforms into that old bat Morticia Addams.

    As for Broom: I tried to get it paid for under the household insurance, but they weren't having any of it. Gits.

    CyberPoo: How dare you! I always wear underwear. Unlike Poppins.

    Tim & CyberPoo: If you're trying to make me jealous with your easy banter, you'll be very disappointed.

    * tries not to blink in case any tears come out *

    Tickers: The tanker is more manoeuverable, by all accounts.

    * still attempting not to blink *

    * eyes turn green *


  19. Anonymous27/2/08 12:40

    Where did you find that marvellous car? It's like a French version of Kitt out of Knight Rider. Yum.


Tickle my fancy, why don't you?