Sunday, February 10, 2008

"He'll propagate, Clyde. He will increase his number."*


I heard something very disturbing this morning while taking my bath.

Through the open window, I heard the distinctive 'strangled' low song of a male blackbird attempting to attract a mate.

As I lay amongst the bubbles, luxuriating in the heat and heady scent of jasmine and fig extracts, a thought popped into my mind, barging aside all others:

Beaky!

I remembered the thought of being watched yesterday as I did some gardening. I'd seen a female blackbird hopping around underneath the cherry tree, but paid her little heed. It seems I shouldn't have been so complacent. Beaky was probably perched somewhere, glaring at me like a velociraptor eyeing its prey from a hidden vantage point.

After my bath, I retired to the back room, off my bedroom. As I sat at my desk, gazing out of the window, Beaky flew down and alighted on the gable end above the bathroom. He turned enough so that one evil eye was fixed upon me. Smirking - as much as one can with a beak - he lifted his tail and shat on the tiles before swooping off low over the garden. Little bastard!

Then, a bit later on, I was in the garden poking, pruning and purveying, when the evil little monster, bold as brass, soared over next door's fence and landed in the bird bath where he proceeded to primp and preen, readying himself for courtship no doubt!




If he thinks he's raising his monstrous progeny in my garden, he's got another thing coming!


* Snaps to whoever knows (or guesses) who said this, and from which film it was taken.

27 comments:

  1. Don't be too hasty to run off your potential good fortune! Given a little time, you may have enough blackbirds to bake a pie!

    Oh, and the Witches of Eastwick! Awesome movie! I do believe Felicia says this Clyde in the midst of her self loving, right before she bends over to blow cherries.

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  2. Yes, four and twenty of them. Very nice.

    And yes, Witches of Eastwick.

    But no, leave the blackbirds, they're the good guys. Crows and seagulls, now they are evil incarnate!

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  3. Ooh, good thinking, Eros. I have gone off chicken, too...

    And Snaps to you for you are correct! I'd offer a prize, but all I've got is blackbird poo.

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  4. Smunty, you didn't half give me a start!

    You're more than welcome to Beaky. I'd take a crow any day.

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  5. I never know your quotes, but I always have fun googling them.

    Beaky! I am excited about his return, but I don't have to live with him.

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  6. Beaky Blackbird Back?

    Brilliant!

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  7. Dinah: Think yourself lucky.

    SID: Brilliant? Bollocks!

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  8. Beaky is BACK!

    I sort of think Beaky is adorable, and want to snozzle his little black feathers. Ah, bugger it. He *is* adorable.

    Oh, and *unhuff*.

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  9. * aghast at T-Bird's 'snozzling' *

    * wonders if she'll have any eyeballs left afterwards *

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  10. Snozzling sounds dirty.

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  11. Do you leave the bathroom window open so the punters don't have to knock?

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  12. You know, if you get enough blackbirds you can make a nice black feathery headdress

    It'll be a good conversation piece at your next showgirl party

    Pooing before mating - classy!

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  13. Snozzle is what cats do when they rub you with their cheek (the ones on their face). You know, all 'prrrmeow pat me now?'

    Birds feathers are so soft and warm, I want to snozzle them like a peecat.

    A peecat without the loose bowels, of course.

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  14. Dinah: Good job T-Bird's left us an explanation.

    MJ: They'd have to be pretty thin to get through my bathroom window. It's a bit of a tight squeeze!

    CyberPoo: Another excellent use. There'll be no wastage after I've made my pie.

    T-Bird: I'm glad you clarified which cheeks you snozzle.

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  15. I want to start using "I want to snozzle them like a peecat" every chance I get. It's my new favourite phrase!

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  16. Dinah... I've never said this before... but I think it's time:

    I WANT TO SNOZZLE YOU LIKE A PEECAT!

    I'm hoping this will take off, much in the vein of FUCK! I LOVE THIS THING!!!

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  17. We should go over to whatever clothes site that was write that on their comment wall. it will be AWESOME!

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  18. What a cute picture. Stop insulting Beaky and embrace the love.

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  19. I want to see IVD snozzle Tim.

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  20. Dinah & T-Bird: I'm on board for that.

    MJ: I'd love to oblige, but something tells me Tim wouldn't be quite so willing.

    Oh, to Snozzle his tummy!

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  21. Timmy tummy-snozzle!

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  22. Oops! Nearly missed you there Snooze. Sorry.
    As for embracing Beaky, maybe a good old fashioned neck wringing?

    Frobi: I've seen him stab a rat to death with his beak. S

    till love him?

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  23. Oof! I Entered without looking...

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  24. Never enter without looking. It can be a touch painful for the other party if yer off-centre.

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  25. I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Spike.

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