Tuesday, 19 February 2008

Chocolate snot

If ever there was a reason for picking one's nose and eating it, it's this:

Yesterday, I made a chocolate and almond cake. After I'd added the cocoa, I put the cocoa tin down a little harder than I intended. A brown cloud burst from the tin, which I then inhaled, albeit accidently.
Since then, whenever I've blown my nose (I've just caught a cold*), the... outcome has been chocolatey.

I would like to add that I haven't actually picked my nose and eaten it, as that would be disgusting.

Tangentially, I've just seen Jumper at the cinema. Luckily, I left my expectations at work so the film turned out to be very good! I just have two bugbears about it:

The first - I didn't realise Italians were so tall! Let me explain: When our very young looking hero, Hayden Christensen, and his slutty girlfriend, Rachel Bilson, are in a hotel in Rome, Rachel opens a wardrobe and tries to hang her coat on one of the hangers therein. Well, the poor dear can barely reach the hanger - Even standing on tiptoe! Cue Hayden, who also struggles to reach the hangers. Jeepers! The rail that those hangers are hanging off must be nearly eight feet off the ground!!

The second - Samuel L Jackson's hair. What is with the white doormat slapped on his bonce?

Plus, I'd like to have seen more of Jamie Bell's character's backstory. His was the most intriguing character. What made him so jaded and lassez faire? Oh, there were hints of lost family & friends a la Christensen's character, but nothing to get one's teeth into. Still, there's room for a sequel/prequel (hopefully without Christensen, who's 'acting' hasn't improved since the travesty that was Star Wars. Of course, as T-Bird so eloquently put it: He is so very, very pretty.

And that's the end of today's instalment.

* It took some catching, I can tell you. I was out of breath by the time I'd chased it along Castle Meadow and down Prince of Wales Road. I managed to flying tackle it into submission on the bridge opposite the rail station.


  1. Right - Bell's character's got a whole spin-off novel about him. I think it's called Jumper: Jamie Bell's Story or something like that. Just go search for it on Amazon.


  2. Working in a bar? 'Knows' all the locals? Rushes off to Rome with someone she hasn't seen in 8 years?

    She's a SLUT!

  3. Are you sure you didn't slurp that cold virus from the end of some tramps cock?

    Methinks, nay - wethinks - you did.

    Fucking whore.

    I don't like Samuel L Jackson. He's exactly the same in every film he appears in.

  4. All the tramps around here have frozen to death, so I can assure you, Pigwig, that my cold was caught as I described.

    SJL is the same in this film as every other film he's been in, you're right. Except for the white rug!

  5. I actually vomited after reading that first part. I need some warning next time!

    I enjoy Rachel Bilson. I never understood why Mischa Barton got all the press when Rachel Bilson was so much cuter.

  6. Also: She's a SLUT and she LOVES IT!

  7. She's not a slut, she's spontaneous!

    Oh god, wait, Dinah - are you Bruno Tonioling it up? Awesome! She IS a slut!

  8. Oh. So I suppose you want to snozzle her like a peecat, now Dinah? *sniff*

    IDV, you are quite the baker! Your many layers are intriguing, and no I am not talking about marble cake.

  9. Are you stalking me, Tim? Or am I stalking you?

    Chicken or the egg?

  10. Oh my gods! Turn my back for a moment and the Coven turns up!

    I hope you're cleaned up now, Dinah Tonioli?

    Tim: So, the Stalkee becomes the Stalker?

    T-Bird: * wipes chocolatey nose then goes in for a SuperSnozzle *

  11. That's exactly what I'm doing, Tim. I can't wait for more Dancing with the Stars. The new season will have Monica Seles and Marlee Matlin!

    I am much better now, IDV. I have a bad gag reflex at the best of times, but snot and things nose related are my number one trigger.

    The cake sounds good otherwise, though.

  12. Oops. Sorry Dinah. I'll try and remember for next time. Although, I don't really want there to be a next time - Snot really is quite repulsive.

  13. So true --- but don't let that stop you! I'll just keep a bucket near my computer. It will have all kinds of handy uses!

  14. Sniffing cocoa eh?

    And did the cakes do a little dance for you when you sneezed?

  15. Why don't you give yourself a chocolate enema?

    Better yet, why don't you ask TIM to give you a chocolate enema?

  16. I don't mind a chocolate nosey snozzle! It smells nice!

    Ok, here I go being gauche again... do people really do chocolate enemas? Why? Is it like a suppository - like all the chocolately goodness gets into your system faster that way?

  17. Ugh, MJ, that's just wrong!

  18. The chocolate enema is an ancient Mayan ritual.

    Probably tame compared to what some of you Coven hags get up to.

  19. Dinah: Just be careful that you don't accidently step in it when you get up.

    SID: They almost danced off the cooling rack!

    MJ: I thought a chocolate enema was some kind of euphemism until I read your next comment.

    T-Bird: The whole chocolate enema thing is fast putting me off chocolate - I'd rather taste it than have it shoved up my bum!

    Tim: For once, I'm in agreement. Not very romantic, is it?

    MJ: I daren't look at that link until I get home from work!

    Your mind would curdle if it had knowledge of the inner workings of The Coven. Curdle, I tell you!!

  20. You're just getting home from work NOW?

    Good night at the docks, eh?

    What do you mean a chocolate enema's not romantic? It would have been perfect for Valentine's Day.

  21. Is she a slut in the movie, or real life or is it just you IDV who wants Christensen to yourself?

    One wonders

  22. Oh and chocolate snot?

    You are so ready for kindergarten

  23. I've often thought that it would be okay to pick your nose and eat it if you worked in a cake factory all day, since all the little molecules of cake you'll be smelling end up becoming bogies.

    I want to see Jumpers, even though the main character is portrayed by a beautifully carved piece of wood.

  24. Chocolate up your nose eh? I didn't even know cocoa addiction existed. Did you use a wafer to chop it up and some rolled up baking sheet to zoom it up?

    Skillz's Patented Cake Recipe

    1. make cake mix
    2. split the mix in to, and add cocoa powder to one part
    3. spoon each mix in turns into the cake mix till hald of each mix is left
    4. lay down some fingers of Twix into the tin (if you made it right it won't sink down too much)
    5. Carry on spooning (the cooking type of spooning, not the sexual/platonic/sexual disguised as platonic hoping you don't get a boner type)
    6. cook it
    7. wait for it to cool down and serve to love a targeted love interest.
    8. go to bed and spoon.

  25. MJ: No, I was only halfway through at that point.

    CyberPoo: She's certainly a slut in the movie. As for real life, Tim likes her so that makes her a bonafide slut in my books.

    As for kindergarten, I think I might take Beaky along for Show & Tell. Let's see what the little bleeders think of him!

    Qenny: Urgh, but if that holds true, then all those times one smells anothers fart means that SOMEONE ELSES POO IS UP ONE'S NOSE!!

    Yes, that needed to be in capitals.

    Skillz: Heh heh! What a marvellous recipe.

    When it comes to point 7, does one serve it on a plate or with a tennis racquet?

  26. Is this the sequel to Billy Elliot? or another Star Wars installment?


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