Saturday 1 December 2018

Run! Run! As fast as you can!


 I am moving again.

 As plummeting down the cliff in one's own home is practically unheard of in witchy circles*, I am moving out of Château DeVice and into a more life-prolonging gingerbread house.  It's only a few hundred yards from my current cliff-top abode and - importantly - those few hundred yards are inland.  My new home is nearer the woods (and the allotment), and not likely to find itself scattered across the beach after collapsing over the cliff for at least a couple of centuries (possibly only one, if sea levels continue to rise dramatically). 

 Gingerbread houses are hard to come by these days as most of the originals have been devoured by thoughtless, greedy children over the centuries, or dissolved in the rain when their occupant met Death for the last time and the preservative spell wore off.  Those that are left tend to be inhabited by mad old crones, or have been turned into sites of occult historical interest by the Gingerbread Board.  Speaking of which, the 'Board occasionally permits a new gingerbread house to be built as long as circumstances, conditions, and quotas allow.  Quite what those circumstances, conditions and quotas are is anyone's guess as the 'Board are quite inscrutable and experts in obfuscation and dead-end paper trails.  As I can attest to after I applied for a new home...**

 I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea?  I suspect the SubCs had something to do with it and, typically, they buggered off and left me to it when I found myself before the Gingerbread Board to demonstrate my suitability to own and maintain a new gingerbread home.  I'm not going to go into all the rigmarole and hoop-jumping I had to go through (and am still going through), as it was - and still is - very stressful and mind-boggling.

 I think the least stressful part of this whole process has been choosing which of the fittings and extras I want/need (although, deciding between the various kitchen cupboard colours almost had me tearing my hair out!).  An easy first choice was not upgrading to a range-style oven.  I think it's only sensible not to have an oven that one can fit in (if given an unexpected shove from behind, for example).  Built-in wardrobes are a must - hopefully without any portals to snowy realms covered in faun shit.  As are en-suite bathrooms with naiad filters to prevent this sort of intrusion, and a downstairs loo (inside, at that!).  There's modern plumbing and central heating, but no cellar, though.  And no chimney, but that's not necessarily a bad thing...

 Aside from the stress, another of the reasons I haven't been around much this past month or so, is all the packing and sorting and stuff.  It's one thing boxing up all one's books and DVDs, but quite another trying to fit the monster-under-the-bed into a cardboard box, or trying to get that manticore back in the cake tin.  I'm also a little concerned about my yeti as we're leaving the freezer here, so I'm going to have to try and persuade it to live in Inexcuseable's cluttered ice-box as I don't think Château DeVice's buyers would take kindly to an inhabited freezer...

 In between moving out of Château DeVice next week and into the DeVice Mansion (as I've taken to calling my new gingerbread abode***) in January/February (which is when it should be ready), I shall be staying with my sister, Inexcuseable, again.  What this means is that I'll probably be around a lot less, although I will endeavour to flit around your blogs to keep up with everything.  Especially as The Very Mistress is about to commence her famous Garden Photos Event, and Ms Scarlet should be hosting the return of the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts!  I'll also be working on the end-of-year review: The Year of the Upside-Down Strumpet Constellation Coven Awards (although it might be called something else by the time I've finished.  If I do finish it, that is).

 Anyway, that's it for now.  I wish a wonderful weekend upon you all, and I'd better get on with some more packing!


* Unlike, say, being squashed by one in high winds...
** After all, they don't let just any old witch live in a gingerbread house, you know.
*** Which saves on conjuring up an â, or clicking my mouse an extra couple of times to get one.

32 comments:

  1. Well it would be nice to stay there sometime if I make it across the pond. And even better if I get hungry in the night, just roll over and nibble, on something or other.

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    1. Bring your appetite, Maddie, as there's loads to snack on!

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  2. Quote:
    'Those that are left tend to be inhabited by mad old crones'
    Just saying.
    I am however sorry to des that my presentiment was true and the Chateau is already teetering. I expect gingerbread is easier to move as that side of the country crumbles in a Brexit-driven attempt to get away from Europe. Apparently Liverpool is nice.
    Happy moving and I hope house sharing doesn't interfere too much with your love life!

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    Replies
    1. "Apparently Liverpool is nice" - I believe you've been misinformed. Besides, I can barely understand their language.

      And, you can rest assured that the move has in no way impacted my love life. Of course, it helps not to have one in the first place...

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  3. "Whatever you do, don't eat the candy."

    Hansel
    Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

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  4. Oh! I understand the stress.Any thing involving multiple signatories and umpteen sheets of paper is enough to drive a girl(or a witch)bonkers. Buying a car is a bit like that.(ask me how I know)
    Good luck.I'll look for you around the traps...

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    Replies
    1. I can't belive how many signatures are required. Every time I thought I'd provided enough, another ream of paper came out impatiently waiting for me to make my mark. It's quite unnerving.

      Go on then, how do you know buying a car is like that?

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  5. "Mad old crone" just about sums it up, really. Enjoy eating your new house! Jx

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    1. PS are you captured on film in the Beeb's Xmas idents at Cromer? Jx

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    2. All this move-related malarkey is just making me madder!

      Oh, no, I stayed well out of the way for that little production. Mainly because the pay was atrocious and they said something about my rider being totally unreasonable...

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  6. No chimney? NO CHIMNEY????? So how will Santa make a grand entry? How will anybody make a grand entry???? Do you have an attic?
    Anyhow, congratulations!! And I feel your pain.... remember that time when I moved twice in the space of a fortnight? Questions, questions, questions....
    Sx

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    Replies
    1. Moving is a complete pain in the proverbials. We've done it far too many times... Jx

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    2. The house does look a little odd without a chimney, but at least we won't suffer Dick van Dyke and his retinue of chimney urchins. We will have an attic though. So, if you and Charmaine ever come to stay, Charmaine will feel quite at home.

      Moving more than twice in two decades is quite enough, never mind twice in a fortnight. This will be my fifth in twenty years. You both have my sympathies.

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  7. I think I've moved house (and kids and pets) close to 20 times over the course of my married life! Three of those were in the past 20 years and all in the same city. The MITM was talking about moving back to L.A. and I said that he'd have to hire people to box up and move this time because I was done moving! His response was that maybe we'd just visit the kids out there more often and screw a permanent move! LOL xoxo P.S. Good luck and here's to an easy move for you!

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    Replies
    1. In the last two-and-a-bit decades, I have moved nine times - one time was 169 miles and another 220 miles. The rest were just within London, but stressful nonetheless. We're done with it, too! Jx

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    2. Oh, Savvy, you, too?!? I don't blame you for wanting people to do it for you. If I could conjure up enough money I'd be throwing it about with gay abandon and wouldn't lift a finger!

      Moving within London must be quite the chore, Jon. Manoeuvring a lorry around those busy streets, then trying to park it near to one's abode would finish me off - even if I didn't have to do any of the manoevring!

      Delete
  8. Oh dear, I moved last April and I still wake screaming.

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    1. I'm not looking forward to waking with a sore throat then Peenee.

      Except for those non-moving nightmare causes (which, as I mentioned to Hound up there) are highly unlikely now...

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  9. Hope it's all going well!
    Miss you!
    Sx

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    Replies
    1. I've missed you (and everyone else), too!

      I am now out of Château DeVice and safely ensconced in Inexcuseable's dining room (I couldn't have my old room as Count Podgekinson is inhabiting it now). Just before Christmas, I heard that the DeVice Mansion is not going to be ready until the 8th of February, and that it'll be a further two weeks before everything is sorted and we can move in. Gah!

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  10. You can't catch me I'm a gingerbread man!

    I hope everything goes well with the move and that you have nice neighbours or even better, no neighbours at all.

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    1. or should that be gingerbread person *raises eyes ceilingwards and tuts*

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    2. I can't believe it took until the twelfth comment (or wherever this is ranked) for someone to finish off the post title. Congratulations, Mitzi!
      So as not to cause offense, I'm going to be making gingerbread snails from now on as they're neither Arthur nor Martha, and shouldn't offend anyone.

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  11. The Garden Event has come and gone but I'm waiting for your return before I post your garden photos.

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    1. How gracious of you, Very Mistress! I have been looking at all the photos, but haven't been in a position to comment - something I'm looking to rectify now (or, at the latest, this weekend).

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  12. Replies
    1. I was in reasonable cheer, thanks. I hope you were, too!

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  13. Happy Christmas, Mr Devine!! Hope the move went well and that you didn't find a seal pup in your new back garden.
    Sx

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    1. Thank you, Ms Scarlet. Yes, that was an intrepid little pup, wasn't it?! The cliffs should keep any wandering seals (and other marine fauna) from my garden, but I shall be keeping an eye out, just in case.

      Hope you had a happy Christams, too.

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  14. Happy Christmas wherever you are.

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    1. Thank you, Mitzi. I'm happy that Christmas is over for another year - Just got Boxing Day to get through (I've been left on my own, which is how I've found time to get back to the blog).
      I hope you and Carmen are having a wonderful Winterval, too!

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