Sunday 20 April 2014

Something under the bed is drooling

 Ug. So tired. 

 I didn't sleep very well last night having been woken from dreams of things I can no longer remember by several large thumps and bangs, followed by the bed shaking. I thought it was another earthquake.

 I was wrong. It was much more serious.

 There was a monster under the bed.

It's eyes... Like gimlets!
(Artist's impression. The actual monster may vary)

 The bloody thing was eating breakfast! So, not only did I have to deal with the chomping of massive jaws and crunching of bones, but also the rivers of drool seeping into my carpet.

 As I staggered out of bed leaving the monster to its meal, I tried not to think about the devastation that was sure to await me downstairs. I mean: can you imagine the carnage caused by a sizeable monster dragging a kid through a cat-flap, and the state of our pots & pans cupboard as it rummaged for one big enough to fry a rather overweight child

 Le sigh.

And, yes, now that I'm up, I'll get on with those final articles from wwwWOW! 


  1. I know what you mean! I often awake to ungodly caterwauling and two sets of gimlet eyes!

  2. I'll take the monster waking me up with the loud eating over the sounds of the construction going on next door.

    All week, I've been woken up by the whole building shaking, the windows and shelves rattling, and the thundering roar of the bulldozer as it moves the earth in the what was the empty neighboring fields. The first day it happened, I jolted awake, grabbed the pillows and put them over my head for protection, thinking that I was in an earthquake!

    As a fellow fried foods fan, I do applaud the monster's choice of preparing the meal. But roasting and (weather permitting) BBQing may be healthier options to frying the fatty foods.

  3. LX: Two sets?! I don't know how you get anything done with the glares from four baleful eyes upon you?

    Eros: You poor thing. I'd find the clattering clank of mechanical monsters much more disturbing, too. Do you have any idea when they'll move on to pastures new?

    I'll pass your BBQ suggestion on - At least my monster will be outside then (I hope).

  4. I wonder when MJ will upgrade and get a gimlet fountain?

  5. Soon, I hope, Ms Scarlet. As long as it's a gin gimlet fountain rather than a vodka one.

  6. Haven’t you spent enough time in the Gincuzzi.

    Now you want a gimlet fountain too?

  7. The construction next door started last month. I think it'll be a few months more till it's all over. In the meantime, I may jump in the Gincuzzi to get away from the noise and relax (and drink those annoying sounds away).

    Does the Monster have one of those St Bernard dog barrel collars? I may need to fill it with some wine coolers to cool down from the heat.

  8. MJ: Well, after wallowing around in the Gincuzzi, I need something to shower-off in.

    * slides aside to allow Eros ingress and has the Monster stand attentively on the edge - barrel at the ready *


Tickle my fancy, why don't you?