Friday 20 November 2009

In the closet




Sorry I've been a bit neglectful this past week or so - I've been trapped in the airing cupboard. Not in the Narnia-esque land back there (with its opening behind the hot water tank), as I had it closed off not long after I'd moved in after finding small hoof-prints and faun shit all over my best tablecloth and runner. Ooh, I was livid. It seems SP bought the house without having an occult survey conducted first. Naturally, I commissioned one when I moved in and discovered the house was built on an intersection of ley lines. Typical.

No, I was trapped in the less mystical world of vast expanses of old sheets and dusty towels, plus the occasional empty spider exoskeleton and odd sock. It's a good job I'd had a big meal before going in there to search for a fitted sheet to fit the spare bed, otherwise I might have starved to death. Well, I certainly wouldn't have eaten those spider skins!
Anyway, I'm back again now. SP came looking for me as he was fed up with making his own sandwiches for work, then getting home and having to cook his own dinner. Not to mention that he'd watched all his porn and needed further 'relief'!
So, that's what I'm up to now. Well, not right now as I'm writing this update and SP had to go to work, so I'll tidy the house because it's a bloody pigsty, do some washing and walk Moom.
I was going to carry out an occult survey on the garden with my patented portable crop circles to check for other unwanted openings, but SP's used all the cress in an egg sandwich. Still, at least he managed to make his own lunch today.
Right. I'd better get on. See you out there.


  1. YAY first .
    Are you sure those cloven hoof prints where from a faun....or could it be a visitation from a wee ginger scottish person , rifling through your underwear drawer while you were out maruading in Lidl.
    Would an Astro turf crop circle be more durable (and less edible)

  2. You're SP's BITCH!

    You're his houseboy!


  3. Beast: I am disturbed by the image of a wee ginger scottish person inhaling the scent of IVD's smalls.

  4. A sheet for the spare bed? SP didn't notice you gone for some days?

    Trouble in paradise?

    Did he find *those* pictures of you and Moom?

  5. MJ said: I am disturbed by the image of a wee ginger scottish person inhaling the scent of IVD's smalls.

    Strangely, I am not. Might be time for my medication.

    Word verif: maybe it's not fauns, maybe it's fleysifs

  6. A delicious sandwich is always good, esp. after all the hard work and relief efforts.

    Until you get more cress, a gnome can tend to your garden and keep out the riff raff.

  7. BEAST: * shudders at the thought of aforementioned "wee ginger scottish person" rummaging amongst one's smalls *

    Ooh, Astroturf! Now, there's an idea...

    MJ: I'm nobody's bitch, and I'm certainly not a houseboy!

    I'm just studying for my blackbelt in Desperate Housewifery. One day I aim to join the elite in the Order of the Stepford Wives.

    Tim: There are NO photos of the sort you're implying.

    Besides, Moom doesn't stay still long enough to take a decent photo.

    Spike: * immediately hands over medication *

    Eros: Thank you for the advice. I've just procured a gnome but he's not happy about living in the fridge with the cress.


Tickle my fancy, why don't you?