Monday, 24 March 2008

See?! Sleeping Beauty: Part three

Nearly 100 years later, a handsome prince with an enigmatically sexy smile is using his huge chopper to cut through the forest of thorns surrounding the slumbering castle. He wasn't doing terribly well, as half his clothes hung in tatters from his muscular, sweat-sheened body. The other half were festooned on thorns and spikes leading out of the briar patch.

"Strewth! That was rough" one of the Spikes said to himself as he lay back panting amongst the brambles, picking bits of clothing out from underneath his claws. "I wonder if I can ensnare him on the way out, too?"

At the same time inside the castle, flickers of movement amongst the dust covered, frozen-in-sleep populace could be observed. If anyone was watching, that is. However, the movement was not coming from the people. Instead, it appeared to be emanating from reflective surfaces dotted around the castle's innards: Huge polished tureens, gilt-edged picture frames, refractive jewellery around eminent ladies necks, glasswear on dust covered tables, multi-faceted discoballs put up for a birthday celebration many years ago. And mirrors...
"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck" spat the reflection of a pert-bottomed young lady as she darted through the castle. Curiously, there didn't appear to be a physical body to create the mirror images as they flickered up the highly polished banister of the grand staircase towards the royal bedrooms.

In the Queen's private boudoir, the large ornate mirror on the wall shivered slightly, as if caught in a mild earth tremor. Deep in its reflected world, the young-lady-with-the-arse appeared suddenly, looked around wildly then furrowed her delicate brow and muttered:

"Oh... Oh, shit."

"Oh, shit!" a devastatingly handsome and very scantily clad man exclaimed as he pounded through strange rooms. "Where am I?"

He ran along a dark, narrow corridor until he came to the foot of some stone stairs. "I might as well go up" he said to himself. "Hopefully, there'll be a window at the top that I can use to see where the Hell I am?"

He ascended the stairs three at a time. The movement of his muscular buttocks and well defined thighs was... very... very... distracting...

Would be!

Would be very distracting, if there was anybody else there to see it.

Which there wasn't.

At all.

Not one. Not even me.

High above, I flew out of the underside of the cloud layer and zeroed in on the castle. I hadn't realised so much time had passed so quickly. Hot Rod had certainly kept me occupied on Cybertron.

To my surprise, I noticed movement within my secret room at the top of the tallest turret. Obscuring myself midflight, I silently approached the window. As I drew closer, I saw that a Big Bang pant clad man had gained access to my private chamber. He was leaning over the bed, gazing at the body laying upon it.

I slipped through the window and crept up on him as he pulled the scarves from the body's face. His eyes widened in horror and he recoiled into me as I loomed, now visible, behind him.

"Don't worry, Timmy love" I sneered. "It's only a man in a dress."

"Yaaargh!" he yelled, elbowing me in the stomach before hurtling down the stairs.

"Oof!" I fell back onto my desk, winded. "Ahh... Physical contact!" I drew myself together, transmogrifying into a fearsome dragon. "T-Bird!" I roared. "Timothy has escaped!"

"I know" she said, her reflection materialising in a window. "I've been trying to find him."

"Well, he was just here" I peevishly snapped before smashing through the doors and pounding down the stairs after him.

Several flights of stairs below, Tim, while adjusting his Nike+ running thingummybob, almost careened into an equally clothes-challenged man coming the other way.

"I'm terribly sorry, old chap" he apologised, being frightfully British and sticking his right hand out in greeting. "Prince Tim. Splendid to meet you."

"Prince Eros" the scratched and tatters-just-about-wearing other man drawled, pumping Tim's hand. "Good to meet you too."

The two princes looked each other up and down, studiously ignoring their attire, or lack of. "Spend a lot of time in the gym?" they both said at the same time.

"Mainly running-" "A few sit ups-" they answered together.

"I don't mean to be rude, but I must dash" said Tim. "I'm being stalked by a rather persistant and terribly lecherous old witch."

"By all means" Eros said, stepping aside. "Before you go, I don't suppose you've noticed a sleeping princess, have you?" he added as Tim started towards the doors.

"Why, yes, as a matter of fact. Up there" and Tim indicated the way he'd just come. "But it's not a prin-"

"RAWR!" I swooped down into the massive entrance hall, spewing forth a jet of flame at the main doors, effectively cutting off Tim's escape.

"Blast!" he swore. "Gotta go" and he ran off up the grand staircase.

"Good luck!" Eros shouted as he ducked underneath me and tore off up the other stairs.

I landed, momentarily confused. Should I continue after the ridiculously handsome Tim with his impressive fuzzy chest and abs of steel? Or, go for the tanned and muscular newcomer with his endearing southern drawl and sexy smile? I hopped from foot to foot, wringing my claws until, eventually, deciding on Tim, leaving Eros to escape.

Prince Eros searched the rooms that led off the staircase Tim had run down, for the legendary Sleeping Beauty. Eventually, he came across the slumbering Royal, but had the decency to wipe up afterwards. Without wasting any time, he ripped the bodice open with his teeth before going in for a kiss and a grope...

Uh oh, he thought, pulling back. A hand full and stubble rash!

But the spell had been broken. Prince LeJour roused from his century of sleep, his eyes fluttering open.

"Oh, my hero!" he gushed, making goo-goo eyes at the practically naked, muscular man knelt before him. The effect was spoiled somewhat by the crusty eye-bogeys clogging his tear ducts.

"Ooog..." Prince Eros muttered, standing up and backing off further.

"Hey! Where are you going? Don't I get a shag?!" Petra whined, indignantly.

"Not until you do something about that morning breath."

In the Queen's boudoir on the other side of the waking castle...

"Yah! Take that, you foul and lecherous fiend!" Prince Tim yells as he impales my heart with a massive sword he'd appropriated from someone.

I quiver with the most exquisite kind of painful ecstasy and change back from my dragon form. With a humourless smile, I pull the sword from my chest.

"My heart has already been broken by you so there is nothing you can do to hurt me further" I laugh in his face, cornering him in front of the enchanted mirror. The brave and heroic look on his face drains away to be replaced by one of fear. Then I notice that his attention isn't fixed on me, but rather on something behind me.

I turn to see what he's looking at.

"Eeeeeeep!" I couldn't prevent the squeal of terror from escaping my lips.

There before us, was a hideous fire-breathing old dragon: MJ, the real Maleficent! And she looked mad - I could see the fire coursing up inside her long scaly neck. Luckily, we had plenty of time as she had a very long neck.

"C'mon" I hissed at Tim, trying to drag him out of the way.

"I think I'll take my chances with her" he said, pointing at MJ and resisting my urges.

"Oh no you won't!" a voice commanded. T-Bird! She reached out of the mirror and dragged us both back inside just as MJ engulfed the room with a massive fireball.

"You're our wife now" T-Bird and I growled in unison at the recaptured Tim...

The end...


Prince(ss) 'Petra' LeJour ~ CyberPete, from SayHey

The Handsome Prince ~ ErosWings, from Eros Den

The Queen, Snow White ~ Dinah, from Dinah Says Nothing

The King ~ Skillz, from Skilleans

Maleficent ~ IDV, from Inexplicable DeVice

The fairy of Sleep ~ Snooze, from Sometimes Sisyphus

The Willow fairy ~ WillowC, from Willow Trees

The Firefly fairy ~ Dora, from Growing Up Twisted

The Enchanted Mirror ~ T-Bird, from Strega Nona's Super Number One Mecha Party Laser Blog (now Miss Smuggersham, from Meh!)

The other - Devastatingly Handsome - Prince ~ Tim, from Sparky Malarkey

With special guest appearances from

MJ the Infomaniac as the Real Maleficent


Spike, from This Isn't Sydney as a clothes-shredding, handsome prince violating spike

For Part Four, please click here [link broken] for redirection to T-Bird's - It really is very tastefully decorated.


  1. Wanna buy some pegs, Dave?

    I am going to bookmark those pages so I can read this story over and over and over!

    Best one yet!

    I am so glad my pert bottom made an appearance! It says thanks. At least I think that's what it said...

  2. My wife... She says your toilet, it is broken. But don't worry. I have fixed it naaoowww..

    Thank you, and thanks to your bottom, too.

    As long as it didn't burp...

  3. If these ever get made into a movie, I want it written into my contract that I get to wear SOME clothes AT LEAST some of the time.

    Does time flow slower in mirror land? I've had those pants on for quite a while now, and even using the age-old rule of front, back, turn inside-out and repeat, they must be filthy (from sweat). If I'm going to be running so much can't I at least have something made out of a sweat-wicking fabric?

  4. Applause, applause! And some sprinkly fairy dust, to boot!

  5. I'll get you my pretty... and your little princes too!

  6. *takes bow*

    *sneaks in alluring flexes*

    By the way, dear, if it ain't Sidney who is it?

  7. I think I might have to pen a postscript from mirror world to explain some of this stuff...

  8. Tim: Very well, you can wear more clothes - A hat! Either your monstrous beanie, or ErosWings cowboy hat.

    As for the pantage issue: T-Bird & I decided you look so good in them that we got a bulk order in. Fresh pants from now on!

    WillowC: Arrrgh! It went in my eyes!

    MJ: What?! You got a part didn't you?

    * tuts *

    Can't please some people...

    Spike: Oops! What a faux pas. It's now corrected.

    T-Bird: Oh, do!

  9. T-Bird: Ah. I see you have. And what a splendid addition it is, too!

  10. *grins*

    That was brilliant. I'm almost less whiney in this than the Cinderella one.

    Although did you have to make me human with the morning breath and eye goob.

    Tim can't have Bingowings hat though. He is gonna need that for later..

  11. I told you you'd get your comeuppance, CyberPoo!

    Glad you liked it, though.

    Don't worry about the hat - The less Tim wears, the better!

  12. Well you are so very right about that IDV


  13. Now that was funny!!!

    *Note to self: Wear better protection when plunging sword thru the bushes ;)*

  14. This is something like the third blog I've read today that suggests I should steal Eroswing's hat! What's that all about!?

    And: The less I wear the better?! How the hell would you know?!

    As for Willowc's fairy dust getting in your eyes - well, I suppose it makes a change to have something less, how shall I put it, fluid, in your face, eh? (just based on rumours, I must add!).


  15. I am glad you think my subconscious is nicely decorated!

    After the riots that go on over here, I thought people should know that the mirror world isn't all dragons, underwear and explosions.

    Sometimes it's a nice cup of tea.

  16. Anonymous25/3/08 20:54

    You seriously need to get out and get shagged IDV.

  17. ^^*sigh* Me, too IDV, me too.

  18. CyberPetra: I see that you also want Tim's Big Bang pants for BingoWings, too?

    You're welcome to them. Don't hurry them back...

    Eros: You would've thought Petra would've had a little trim first?

    Tim: Well, that hat could stand in for Indiana Jones' hat?

    And, Man Jam!?! Oh yes, I remember... That court-agreed-upon stalking day when I turned up at the duly appointed time on your windowsill, but you'd obviously forgotten and pulled the curtains to. Not far enough, though, as I was able to peek through a gap, only to catch you, how shall I say? Poledancing? To my surprise, you managed to hurl your Man Jam clear across the room and through the curtain gap leaving me with an unexpected facemask...

    Ah, Good Times!

    T-Bird: And a bun, I hope?

    Connie: Are you coming on to me?

  19. Shit, T-Bird! You startled me! This STC malarkey is happening with frightening regularity. I can't believe it took me so long to do those replies...

  20. heehee - I love Tim's role.


Tickle my fancy, why don't you?