Sunday, 23 March 2008

I told you to be careful! Sleeping Beauty: Part two

"Oh no! Do something, my King" Queen Dinah finally implored.

"I know we forgot to invite you, IDV" King Skillz began, "but you can't just-"

"I can do whatever the Hells I like!" I, somewhat petulantly, declared.

"Well, where will this prick come from?"

I glared at the King. "Oh, I don't know?" I hadn't really thought that far ahead - Well, I had, but not in so much detail. Glancing around desperately, I spied a likely candidate. "From one of those!" I pointed to a new fangled gramophone that was playing background music in a corner. "And now, I'm off - This party looks rubbish, anyway." And with that, I swept imperiously out of the ruined doorway, cackling to myself. "Mwah hah hah hah hah hah ha!"

Queen Dinah came to her senses first. "Well. That was rude!" she said. "What shall we do now?"

"For a start" her husband replied, "we'll banish all gramophones."

The Queen looked aghast, and turned to the fairies. "Can't you do something?"

Dora and Willow just looked at each other and shrugged.

Snooze, however, looked thoughtful for a moment and then said "Hmmm... We can't undo the spell, but I can try and dilute it, somewhat." She paused, clearly concentrating. "My gift will be that, instead of death, LeJour, and the entire populace of the castle, will fall into a sleep so deep as to be nearly indistinguishable from death, only to be aroused by the ministrations of a love-struck prince."

"Don't you mean princess, Snooze?" Willow hissed.

"Oops! Oh, yes. Too late now, though - The spell is cast" Snooze whispered back. She looked over at the King and Queen, but luckily, they seemed unaware of her little mistake. Turning back to Willow and Dora, she continued "I don't think it'll really matter. I think we all know that LeJour isn't going to be receptive to a bloody girl!"

The Queen then spoke up. "Are you sure you don't want to try any harder? It didn't look like you put much effort into it."

"That exorsted my speling abiliti, I'll have you no" Snooze retorted, indignantly. "I kan allways take it bak?"

"No, no. That's all right" the Queen hurriedly said. "Thank you for your efforts. But, if I may be so bold, Why does the entire castle have to sleep, too?"

"Well, death's a big deal" Snooze replied, regaining her spelling. "I had to spread it around to lessen its effect. You'd better hope that it's at least seventy years or so before that *ahem* princess *ahem* comes a knocking, or you could all wake up dead! To be on the safe side, I'll sprinkle some wild rose and blackberry seeds around the castle - The thorns should deter all but the most persistant of royalty."

"Right, then" King Skillz spoke up. "Let's get this place rid of all gramophones!"

Almost sixteen years later, Prince LeJour skipped gaily through the castle's older, uninhabited areas, whiling away the time until his birthday celebrations began. As he swished past the cold, stone steps leading up to a long forgotten turret, he heard a heavenly voice singing...

I'm spinning around, move out of my way
I know you're feeling me, 'cause you like it like this.
I'm breaking it down, I'm not the same
I know you're feeling me, 'cause you like it like this

Halting, as if ensnared in a trap, a look of ecstasy covers his face. Lured by the siren-song, LeJour pelts up the steps, the clicking of his heels echoing up the stairwell...

I smiled evilly as I heard footsteps approaching my room through the fading last words of the song.

"Well, well" I began as the door opened revealing the enrapt boy. "If it isn't Prince-" then I noticed what he was wearing: His mum's high heels and bodice, done up so tight so as to give the impression of an womanly hourglass figure, lashings of diamonds and, atop his head, a cardboard cone which trailed several diaphanous scarves. "-ess LaJour" I continued, barely missing a beat.

"I'm the Prince, you silly!" he giggled.

I raised an elegant eyebrow. "Really, your Highness?"

"Yes!" he insisted with mock impatience. "But you can call me Petra - My middle name."

I stifled an insincere smile as the song finished.

Baby, Baby, Baby
You know you like it like this
Baby, Baby, Baby
You know you like it like this
'Cause you like it like this...

"Who was that singing?" the fey prince asked.

"Oh, that's Kylie. You like?"

"Very much!"

"Here" I passed him a large square of cardboard. "Put this on."

"What's this?"

"It's a record. It goes on that" I replied, pointing to the gramophone stood against the curved turret wall.

"I've never seen one before" he said in wonder.

"Your parents banned them for some reason" I said, looking away as the Prince slid the disc out of its sleeve and placed it on the gramophone turntable. "You need to flick the switch and lift the arm on to the edge of the record."

The Prince reached for the arm but caught his thumb under the sharp needle at its tip.


"Are you all right, Petra dear?" I enquired, this time failing to hide the falseness.

"I feel... a bit... dizzy..." he faltered before collapsing - rather too dramatically for my liking - onto the bed. The scarves from his ridiculous pointed 'Damsel-in-distress' hat fluttered down, partially covering his face.

I narrowed my eyes as I glared at his prone form and grabbed Broom before throwing my head back once more, erupting with evil laughter.

"Mwah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah ha! Ow!" I'd have to stop doing that - I kept getting whiplash. I cackled a bit less ostentatiously as I piloted Broom out of the turret window as all life in the castle came to a halt.

To be continued...


  1. Yay! I like where this is going.

  2. You mean it's actually headed somewhere?

  3. Oh gosh

    How did you know there were people who called me Petra in kindergarten

    I forgot all about it until now. Thank you.

    Oh by any chance the record Petra almost put on was Tears on my pillow?

  4. I *knew* it was Cyberpete. I am guessing this is going to be one awesome comeuppance!

    I can't wait until it is finished!

  5. Happy birthday Device dear!

    Belated I know but I seem to come later for everyone's birthday.

  6. Is this just a cautionary tale to make sure you get invited to more paryies IVD???

  7. My favourite bit:
    ""I feel... a bit... dizzy..." he faltered before collapsing - rather too dramatically for my liking - onto the bed."

  8. Skillz - you have a favourite bit?!

  9. Anonymous24/3/08 15:00

    Ha...Mr Device... I have been expecting you..

  10. Dinah, Tim & MJ: This was supposed to be over in two parts, but it escaped from me.

    Luckily, I managed to head it off at the pass.

    Piggy: Only one more episode to go!

    T-Bird: You obviously have a keen intellect. No one else guessed correctly.

    Hmmm... No one else even guessed.

    Spike darling: At least you came, thank you. But do clear up afterwards, there's a dear!

    Beast: Ooh, I never thought of that.

    Listen up everyone: Invite me to parties or I burn your house down!

    Skillz: If I'd had all my wits about me, I'd've kicked the bed away first - That should have made it even more entertaining!

    Tim: Quiet you!

    Mutley: Damn! So this isn't a Tale of the Unexpected, then?

  11. Stretching it out then, huh? No surprise - you clearly go for as many parts as you can.

    Get on with it, bitch!

  12. I said quiet you!

    Your impatience has been rewarded...

  13. *sheepishly picks off crusty bits*

  14. Oh the curse was softened! Yay! And by me no less. But IDV, I can't blame you for your fury. You should be centre stage at any castle event.


Tickle my fancy, why don't you?