Sunday, 6 July 2008

A postcard from MJ

OK, this wasn't what I had in mind when I was planning my 400th post, but the intended one isn't ready yet. Besides, this postcard from MJ snapped me out of my self-centred pit of mardiness. And, as a special extra, as requested by MJ a couple of posts ago, you also get to see not only my double jointed thumb, but also one of my many fingers which bend back a lot further than they were intended to.

As for the legend on the postcard, where else would it take place?

Thanks MJ, you lazy, drunken, thoughtful cow. I hope you're having a delightfully horizontal holiday!

And now to other matters. Indescribable saw fit to infiltrate Facebook and sent me this charming message:


While I'll concede to the first two points she so eloquently makes, I have to disagree with the final one. Well, half of it, anyway. She's just jealous that I can eat an entire black forest gateau in one sitting without bursting out of my jeans.

Despondency vanquished!


  1. MJ has lovely handwriting, don't you agree, freaky hands?

  2. I guess it's OK, Tim.

    You'd be amazed at how useful my freaky fingers can be - I can demonstrate on you if you'd like?

    astrshn: Why, thank you for stopping by.
    You know, vowels are very popular around here. Maybe I can find a couple of spare ones to help you out?

  3. Um, no, that's OK. By the way, is that a French manicure you've had done?

  4. Yay! IDV is all better!

    Those fingers are nothing short of amazing... Tim you really should take him up on his offer...

  5. Oooohhhh, magic fingers! The Ministry must certainly be putting such talented fingers to good use!

    So, did the scratch and sniff smell like rum? or Canadian bum?

  6. Look at the freakish digits on him, would you!

    I challenge you to find Tim's prostate with that finger and give it a good massage.

    Or my G-Spot.

    Yes, Tim. Those tips indicate a French manicure.

    By the way, Tim, how do you know so much about the various types of manicures?

    And Tim? Thank you for the compliment on my script although I was on my second cocktail at that point and my handwriting wasn't all it could be.

    Eros: I didn't wash my hands before I wrote that postcard. That's all I'm saying about that.


  7. I give your thumbs the "thumbs up"!

  8. whoa - good spotting Tim. Those are almost definitely French manicures.

    I second the suspicion about how Mr Timothy Jane knows so much about manicures. Explain!

  9. Tim you should take him up on his offer. It would be a crime not to.

  10. Tim: They are most certainly not manicured. French or otherwise.

    And please do explain your in-depth knowledge of this subject. We're all ears.

    Well, not *all* ears, as that would be most peculiar, not to mention revolting.

    T-Bird: They are pretty amazing fingers. They can also point, and waggle, and poke, and prod, and stroke, and- I could go on...

    Eros: Thankfully, I haven't smelt a Canadian's bum. Or anyone's, for that matter, so I can only assume the patch did indeed smell of rum.
    It wasn't that strong, so I think MJ must have sucked it out of the card - obviously not wanting to waste any precious alcohol.

    MJ: I accept your challenge!

    The first one, that is. Definitely not the second!

    * drops postcard and nudges it gingerly towards the fire *

    As for my cock, I have no idea. I've never seen poultry do yoga.

    T-Bird: Remember that photo Tim posted after he'd been decorating and got white paint under his nails? Well, I think that was a convenient cover story. He really did have a french manicure!
    He's such a poof.

    CyberPetra: Let's see if he rises to MJ's challenge, shall we?

  11. Anonymous7/7/08 21:51

    I'm of the opinion that MJ wasn't very good at school and only learned to write with the help of one of those plastic templates that contained only capital letters.

    Besides which, where's OUR fucking postcard?

  12. I used to work with a girl who went on about french manicures ALL THE BLOODY TIME. She'd go off at lunchtime to have it done, then come back and flash them around LIKE I REALLY GAVE A DAMN.

    The result of this is that I unwittingly became quite knowledgeable about it. In the same way that a month-long task to research massage videos mean I know quite a bit about that too.

    Weird the things you pick up, huh. Although in IDV's case that would actually mean 'sailers down the dock' rather than 'knowledge.'

  13. Tim, why didn't you just tell her to shutup? Or ignore her. Some girls are complete twats.

    Cardinal rule of girlhood - don't tell boys this stuff. Unless you shagged her, then you'd *have* to listen to all the boring stories.

    Righto - I'm off to dig out my sailor's outfit and loiter about the docks with my handicam. I'm going to strike it rich with a video called "Sailors Gone Wild". I'm looking for the talented one with the fingers. He's going to be a STAR!

  14. Piggy: If you’d read my June 26th posting, which, incidentally, was up for a full 5 days before I posted another so you had plenty of time to read it, you would have noticed that I offered to send postcards to anyone who wanted one.

    You’re too late.

    And no stick of rock, either.

  15. You’ve never seen poultry do yoga?

    You need to have a look at Yoga for Chickens then.

  16. Wow, there aren't many people kind enough to send you a scratch-n-sniff patch via postcard scented with rum cocktail! :)

  17. With the kind of knowledge he has on manicures, I wouldn't be surprised if he did though.

    That is really gay.


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