Thursday, July 24, 2008

Dashed hopes


I was rudely awakened this morning by Beaky screeching his head off in the garden. When I finally couldn't stand it any longer, I struggled out of bed and peered, bleary eyed and bespectacled, out of the window. From the godsawful din the dratted bird was making, I expected to see Beaky being attacked by a cat. Not your common or garden domestic variety, of course, as they wouldn't stand a chance. More like one of these:



However, no sooner had I twitched back the curtain than he ceased the racket. I saw him perched in the cherry tree looking pleased with himself, before defecating and flying off.

Little bastard.

14 comments:

  1. First your loud t-shirt, now a massive pussy.

    You're really spoiling us!

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  2. I see you have yet to discern between the chirping of evil anticipation and the chirping of fright. A common error that can be corrected with time and attention.

    Beaky was just trying to further your education in such matters...

    ...and pooping in your general direction.

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  3. Beaky was saying "Oh yay, you're awake! Imagine that! Muah ha ha ha..."

    That photo startled me! That's one angry, fierce-looking cat.

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  4. Poor, lonely bird... so picked on... so unloved...

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  5. Hey! Richard Simmons is wearing your shirt!

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  6. Sheez you have one scary pussy!
    Maybe you should put the pic in the cherry tree, scarecrow-styley.

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  7. How old is Beaky? he seems to have been about for years.

    count your blessings your not beseiged by seagulls like our road

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  8. Perhaps it's time to mix some sleeping pills with the bird seeds you're feeding Beaky; that'll keep him knocked out and let you sleep a little longer.

    Otherwise, I'd suggest using a fan to cover the noise of Beaky's morning squaking...though, the downside is you may not be able to hear your alarms go off.

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  9. Tim: Next thing you know, I'll bring out a massive tray of Ferrero Rocher.

    'Shot: Beaky never chirps in fright - I don't think he's afraid of anything. I was more concerned for whatever he may have been chirping at.

    Tara: You've knocked the nail on the head with your Beaky-translation. now you need to come and knock Beaky on the head!

    And that is a somewhat shocking image, isn't it.

    WillowC: You're more than welcome to him. Really. If I could persuade the little blighter to fly down to London, that is.

    MJ: An imposter, eh? I'm the real Richa- I mean, IDV.

    Frobi: Normal blackbirds can live up to 22 years old. I'm hoping that Beaky doesn't get anywhere near that.
    At least his 'leavings' aren't seagull-sized, I suppose...

    Eros: A bit like in Roald Dahl's 'Danny, Champion of the World' where Danny filled raisins with sleeping powder to catch hundreds of pheasants. I like that idea!

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  10. Maybe you can hire a cat like that and set it loose in the garden waiting for Beaky.

    Beaky is mean and deserves a good chewing. Besides it's probably infested with all sorts of diseases

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  11. Beaky would make a marvellous feather duster.
    Frobisher is troubled by seagulls becuase he lives in the chavvy bit of Bournemouth , all the disgarded fast food and overflowing bin bags attract the feathered fiends

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  12. Time to put beaky into a cage so you can cover it up and teach him to sing show tunes and generally talk up how fabulous your neon shirt is.

    Or strangle it.

    Whatever you decide.

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  13. Beaky would just manage to poo all over the cage. I love how that's how every Beaky story ends. With a little Blackbird punctuation mark.

    !

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  14. CyberPetra: I'll just have a look in the Yellow Pages for Sabertooth Cat leasing services. I'm sure there must be plenty around.

    BEAST: Frobi's address doesn't surprise me. What does surprise me is that bin bags are used at all!

    Dora: I'm leaning more towards strangulation...

    T-Bird: Now, don't you go getting ideas!

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