Thursday 24 July 2008

Dashed hopes

I was rudely awakened this morning by Beaky screeching his head off in the garden. When I finally couldn't stand it any longer, I struggled out of bed and peered, bleary eyed and bespectacled, out of the window. From the godsawful din the dratted bird was making, I expected to see Beaky being attacked by a cat. Not your common or garden domestic variety, of course, as they wouldn't stand a chance. More like one of these:

However, no sooner had I twitched back the curtain than he ceased the racket. I saw him perched in the cherry tree looking pleased with himself, before defecating and flying off.

Little bastard.


  1. First your loud t-shirt, now a massive pussy.

    You're really spoiling us!

  2. I see you have yet to discern between the chirping of evil anticipation and the chirping of fright. A common error that can be corrected with time and attention.

    Beaky was just trying to further your education in such matters...

    ...and pooping in your general direction.

  3. Beaky was saying "Oh yay, you're awake! Imagine that! Muah ha ha ha..."

    That photo startled me! That's one angry, fierce-looking cat.

  4. Poor, lonely bird... so picked on... so unloved...

  5. Sheez you have one scary pussy!
    Maybe you should put the pic in the cherry tree, scarecrow-styley.

  6. How old is Beaky? he seems to have been about for years.

    count your blessings your not beseiged by seagulls like our road

  7. Perhaps it's time to mix some sleeping pills with the bird seeds you're feeding Beaky; that'll keep him knocked out and let you sleep a little longer.

    Otherwise, I'd suggest using a fan to cover the noise of Beaky's morning squaking...though, the downside is you may not be able to hear your alarms go off.

  8. Tim: Next thing you know, I'll bring out a massive tray of Ferrero Rocher.

    'Shot: Beaky never chirps in fright - I don't think he's afraid of anything. I was more concerned for whatever he may have been chirping at.

    Tara: You've knocked the nail on the head with your Beaky-translation. now you need to come and knock Beaky on the head!

    And that is a somewhat shocking image, isn't it.

    WillowC: You're more than welcome to him. Really. If I could persuade the little blighter to fly down to London, that is.

    MJ: An imposter, eh? I'm the real Richa- I mean, IDV.

    Frobi: Normal blackbirds can live up to 22 years old. I'm hoping that Beaky doesn't get anywhere near that.
    At least his 'leavings' aren't seagull-sized, I suppose...

    Eros: A bit like in Roald Dahl's 'Danny, Champion of the World' where Danny filled raisins with sleeping powder to catch hundreds of pheasants. I like that idea!

  9. Maybe you can hire a cat like that and set it loose in the garden waiting for Beaky.

    Beaky is mean and deserves a good chewing. Besides it's probably infested with all sorts of diseases

  10. Beaky would make a marvellous feather duster.
    Frobisher is troubled by seagulls becuase he lives in the chavvy bit of Bournemouth , all the disgarded fast food and overflowing bin bags attract the feathered fiends

  11. Time to put beaky into a cage so you can cover it up and teach him to sing show tunes and generally talk up how fabulous your neon shirt is.

    Or strangle it.

    Whatever you decide.

  12. Beaky would just manage to poo all over the cage. I love how that's how every Beaky story ends. With a little Blackbird punctuation mark.


  13. CyberPetra: I'll just have a look in the Yellow Pages for Sabertooth Cat leasing services. I'm sure there must be plenty around.

    BEAST: Frobi's address doesn't surprise me. What does surprise me is that bin bags are used at all!

    Dora: I'm leaning more towards strangulation...

    T-Bird: Now, don't you go getting ideas!


Tickle my fancy, why don't you?