Tramampoline! Tramapoline! Trampopoline!*

Oh my gods! I've just read THE BEST NEWS EVAH! There's going to be a Tron 2!!

Here's a clip from the first film (from 1982) just in case you have no idea what I'm going on about:



I'm so excited that I might just let out a little bit of wee.





* OK, so the title has nothing to do with this post except to compare how excited Homer was about the trampoline (gosh, it's difficult to spell it right) with my excitement about Tr2n.

So hot...

I just want to be laying in the shade of a big tree with a chilled bottle of wine and a good book. But it's too hot to go out and find said tree. I guess I'll just have to mope around here for a bit.

Dashed hopes

I was rudely awakened this morning by Beaky screeching his head off in the garden. When I finally couldn't stand it any longer, I struggled out of bed and peered, bleary eyed and bespectacled, out of the window. From the godsawful din the dratted bird was making, I expected to see Beaky being attacked by a cat. Not your common or garden domestic variety, of course, as they wouldn't stand a chance. More like one of these:



However, no sooner had I twitched back the curtain than he ceased the racket. I saw him perched in the cherry tree looking pleased with himself, before defecating and flying off.

Little bastard.

Recoil in horror, puny mortals!

Unless you're wearing your Fabulous Shades™, avert your eyes now:





"Orange doesn't look good on anyone", hey?

Dr. Horrible and The Last Chance!

I know I haven't mentioned this before, but T-Bird & Dinah have:

Today is your last chance to see the free airing of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.


Teaser from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on Vimeo.

Each of the three episodes lasts about 10 minutes, so make your self a spare half hour and watch them now!!!

The Revenge of the Bookulator

Not only have I had time to go zooming around Norwich on my bike, taking photos of my Fine City, and unconsciously making Victoria Sponge cakes, but I've also managed to squeeze in two more books.

As in, I've read two more, not actually squeezed them in somewhere. And certainly not squeezed them in my NON-EXISTENT front bottom, MJ!

Anyway, here are the latest two books. They might look a tad familiar, as they both follow on from the previous two:

ATTACK OF THE Deranged Mutant Killer Monster SNOW GOONS, by Bill Watterson.

This features a strip in which Calvin accidently brings a snowman to life, who attempts to kill Calvin, then makes more Snow Goons, who each make more etc. etc... Calvin eventually vanquishes them by turning the garden hose on them at night while they sleep, freezing them solid. Calvin's dad comes outside to see what on earth is going on, only to skid over on the icy yard and end up covered in snow. He chases Calvin who thinks he's been transformed into a Snow Goon, too. Ummm... You really have to be there for it to be funny.
Other strips include: Calvin versus his killer bicycle; Stupendous Man vanquishing his arch-fiend Annoying Girl (Susie Derkins) by dropping a massive snow ball on her from a tree; more from Calvin & Hobbes' club G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimy girlS), where Hobbes gets kidnapped by Susie Derkins in retaliation to Calvin's kidnapping of her doll, Binky Betsy; and the creation of Good Calvin by the Duplicator (Calvin's big cardboard box). Good Calvin doesn't last very long because he had a bad thought after an argument with Original (Evil) Calvin and 'spectralized' into non existence when the built-in 'Moral Compromise Spectral Release Phantasmatron' kicks in. Genius!


I love Calvin & Hobbes, if you hadn't already realised, and will be reading more while I'm waiting for the the final book of the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Lost Era, Terok Nor: Dawn of the Eagles, to be delivered. But first, here's the second book:

Star Trek Terok Nor: Night of the Wolves, by S D Perry & Britta Dennison


This book spans the time between 2345 and 2357, and introduces more familiar characters who weren't in the first novel: Gul Ocett, Corat Damar (future leader of the Cardassian Union), Opaka Sulan (the future Kai), Winn Adami (Opaka's scheming successor), Lenaris Holem, Ro Laren, Shakaar Edon, Dr. Mora Pol, Odo and Kira Nerys.
I'm not going to go on too much about this book, other than to say that the authors have done a fine job of continuing James Swallow's excellent work, and elaborating on important events from Bajor's history that the television series had only touched upon. Subjects such as the effects Opaka's teachings have on the Bajorans she meets, the makings of Ro Laren and Kira Nerys from children to young women, more on the somewhat misunderstood Gul Dukat and his love for Nerys's mother, Kira Meru, and the liberation of the Gallitep mining facility, to name but a few.
I didn't find this novel quite as engaging as the first, even though the characters were more familiar. I think it's because so much was packed in, that it could have done with having somewhat more than the 450 odd pages allocated. Overall, it is an inciteful look at Cardassian occupied Bajor, and the struggles of not just the Bajorans, but some of the Cardassians, too.

Hopefully, the next book will be here soon!

The Accidental Cake

I was bored this afternoon. I'd been swimming, pottered around in the garden, been to Sainsbury's and scowled at Beaky this morning, which left very little for me to do this afternoon. I read some more of Terok Nor: Night of the Wolves, then got up to stretch my legs and see what else needed doing.

I must have blacked out for a little while, because when I came round, I'd accidentally made this:



One of the SubC's must have taken over for a while. No matter, I've already started to devour it!

Norwich: Not a village. An actual city. Really!

I'll show you Tim. I'll show you all! Well, really, I'll just be showing you, Tim, as you're the only one denying Norwich's city-status. Prepare to be thwarted!



I got on my bike (couldn't go out on Broom as it was day time) and took this picture from Mousehold Heath (near the NightShip stop). In it one can see the two - that's TWO - cathedrals. In the centre is the Norman Norwich Cathedral itself - famously visited by Tazzy, Piggy and I here. On the far right is the Roman Catholic cathedral. Just to the left and behind the Norman Cathedral, is City Hall with it's clock tower and columned main entrance. And further left is the tower of the church of St. Peter Mancroft with the Forum (library and home of BBC East) behind it.



In this picture, one can see St. Peter Mancroft church on the right. The low red brick building with white bits between the windows is Barclays Bank. Next to that is what used to be the Royal Hotel (with all those turrets). And behind the hotel, is Norwich Castle.
Actually, I've just noticed that immediately to the left of the castle, is the mini gherkin that sits atop the Chapelfield shopping centre).

Here are some points of note:

During the 11th century, the city of Norwich was second only in size to London, and one of the most important places in the country.

In the mid 14th century, Norwich's city walls enclosed a larger area than those of the city of London.

Until the industrial revolution, as the capital of England's most populous and prosperous county, Norwich vied with Bristol as England's second city.

International popstrumpet, Cathy Dennis is from Norwich.

Comedy duo, The Nimmo Twins started off in Norwich. In fact, the Host's mum used to teach Owen Evans at Cromer Infant School!

And, horror of horrors - something I've just discovered - Tim 'Too Old To Be Down With The Homies' Westwood, BBC Radio One DJ and all round irritating twat, grew up in and around Norwich. Oh, the shame.

Here is the Wikilink if you've got 10 minutes or so to spare, and are that interested enough to care: Norwich

Perceptions: "Norwich is sometimes portrayed in the UK media as a place which is remote, unsophisticated, gauche, and out-of-step with national trends (see Alan Partridge). This is perhaps primarily due to its geographical isolation, and an identification of Norwich as the epitome of Norfolk, a largely rural county." - Taken from Wikipedia. And which, to be fair, are kind of true. Still, Norwich *is* a city. A fine one at that (even though someone had made off with the "Welcome to Norwich - A Fine City" sign that I was going to photograph for this post. Bah.)


See, Tim? SEE?

me(book)me2

In the absence of any gumption from myselves to post something more creative, I give you Book Meme (the second edition).

1. Pick up the nearest book - Now, I had to employ some lateral thinking here, as if I'd picked up the nearest book in this room, I'd've got The Colour Of Magic again seeing as it's the first book in line on the shelf nearest me (about six feet away). Therefore, this meme would be the same as the first one I did. So instead, I picked up the actual nearest which is in the living room only two feet behind me at most, but on the other side of a wall. I had to go further to get it, but it's still technically the nearest.

Anyway, the book is: Colin & Justin's How Not To Decorate. Fabulous!

2. Open to page 123 - Done!

3. Find the 5th sentence - Uh oh. Only two sentences on this page, but a rather nice picture of a cool, contemporary dining room. Better start again...




1. Next book in line - The City Garden Bible by Matt James.

2. Open to page 123 - Yay! A whole page of sentences!

3. Find the 5th sentence - 'Basements can be screened from above by several methods; some permanent, some temporary; and some ideas are a mixture of the two.'

4. Post the next three sentences - 'Permanent structures would involve putting beams at intervals across the basement roof, rather like a pergola in an above ground garden, and covering them with Akebia quinata, Clematis armandii or Trachelospermum jasminoides - that way you get a rather more fragrant version of the net-curtain effect. Think about safety, though, and make sure you support beams securely against the walls using joist hangers.
You don't have to be restricted to just wooden rafters; contemporary schemes look good with steel or ironwork, or even stout steel wires.' Christ, Matt! Next time use shorter sentences.

5. (Tag five people, and) acknowledge who tagged you - Tara & CyberPetra!

There. Wasn't that fun?

The Bookulator

Inspired by CyberPetra and T-Bird (and Dinah, as always), I thought I'd better update my reading list. Or, read (as in 'red' not 'reed') list. I have just finished reading the ninth book this year. But first, the eighth book:

Star Trek Terok Nor: Day of the Vipers by James Swallow.


What a fantastic read! I very nearly didn't bother with this book, depite absolutely loving Deep Space Nine. You see, I didn't think I'd like all the Cardassian-occupation-of-Bajor stuff that happened before Starfleet got involved, and only bought it because I was at a loose end (not Piggy's). However, James Swallow has really come up trumps with this book. There's so much detail and thought given to the subject - The beginnings of The Occupation and the characters involved - that I found myself hooked almost immediately. I must admit, that when watching DS9, I hadn't given much thought to how the Cardassians came to annex the Bajor system in the first place. I just thought it was a full-on invasion. However, the reality is much more insidious and scheming, in keeping with the Cardassian ethos.
I'm currently reading the second book in the trilogy, Night of the Wolves, set about half way through the 50 year occupation of Bajor, which describes the efforts of the Bajoran Resistance. I'll let you know how that goes, soon. But for now, a big double-jointed thumbs up to Day of the Vipers!


And now for something completely different. The ninth book is Bill Watterson's Calvin & Hobbes: Scientific Progress goes "Boink".



I just fancied a quick break from reading Night of the Wolves and settled on this collection of Calvin & Hobbes comic strips from 11th September 1989 to 7th July 1990.
Calvin & Hobbes is the best cartoon EVAH! I just love everything about it; Calvin and Hobbes themselves, complete with Calvin's alter egos Spaceman Spiff: Interplanetary Explorer Extraordinaire, and Stupendous Man: Friend of Freedom, Opponent of Oppression and Lover of Liberty; Calvin's long suffering mother who doubles as Stupendous Man's arch-nemesis Mom-Lady; His sarcastic dad whose explanations of the theory of relativity and black & white photographs are genius, despite totally screwing Calvin up; Calvin's other nemesis the no-nonsense baby sitter, Rosalyn, aka the fiendish Baby Sitter Girl; His neighbour and subject of torment Susie Derkins and their love/hate relationship. Just everything! If you haven't seen any of these comic strips, I suggest you get reading. I can't recommend them enough. Plus, Hobbes is so cute and patient (mostly) - The best friend anyone could ever have!

Dragon Fruit

I bought this:



Under the impression that I'd end up with this:



Instead, I got this:




Does anyone know where the nearest Trading Standards office is?

A postcard from MJ

OK, this wasn't what I had in mind when I was planning my 400th post, but the intended one isn't ready yet. Besides, this postcard from MJ snapped me out of my self-centred pit of mardiness. And, as a special extra, as requested by MJ a couple of posts ago, you also get to see not only my double jointed thumb, but also one of my many fingers which bend back a lot further than they were intended to.



As for the legend on the postcard, where else would it take place?

Thanks MJ, you lazy, drunken, thoughtful cow. I hope you're having a delightfully horizontal holiday!


And now to other matters. Indescribable saw fit to infiltrate Facebook and sent me this charming message:
ADD ME AS YOUR FRIEND NOW!!!! YOU ANTI-SOCIAL, PEOPLE HATING, FATFATFATFATFATFATFATFAT GIT.

While I'll concede to the first two points she so eloquently makes, I have to disagree with the final one. Well, half of it, anyway. She's just jealous that I can eat an entire black forest gateau in one sitting without bursting out of my jeans.

Despondency vanquished!

Despondency

Witchface has buggered off somewhere, leaving me to mope about on my own.

Hey! I'm still here!

Oh, shit off.

* sulk *

Anyway, I've been too hot and 'meh' to do much. Well, apart from perv over the topless labourer across the road. He's building a wall for the man who lives opposite and spent all afternoon bulging and rippling outside my living room window, so what was I supposed to do?
I accidentally looked at his face once - Somewhat unfortunately, it's of the type you wouldn't feed to your dog. Or anyone else's, for that matter.

Ummm... Oh. I'm sorry for not replying to every one's comments in the last post. And take that as an advance apology for this one too, if you do care to comment.

I hope to be back to full steam soon when Witchface gets back because the next post is the big four oh. Oh. Yes, I'll have finally got to 400!

Right. I've got wine to glug and truffles to guzzle, so see you when I've recovered.

Idle thumbs

Well. After a truly horrible day at work yesterday repleat with a never ending stream of irritating, tiresome incoming phone calls, today came as a blessing. It was quiet enough for me to sit twiddling my double-jointed thumbs while flicking through ancient non-work emails. Including this one from 20th February 2003:

Want to try something new and exciting to do? Why not initiate an office dare system, however to do it properly only you are allowed to know the dare. Sound confusing? Well read on..........

ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES

1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
3) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you. I've done this one, but only because I don't like the people that greeted me.
4) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye." Done this one, too.
5) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over yourhead.
6) When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".
7) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
8) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9) While riding a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. And this one.

THREE-POINTS DARES

1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers. Yep. This too.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting. I think everybody's done this.

FIVE POINT DARES

1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob". Now, I have done this, but only because bloody Bob was talking at me for at least an hour!
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5) After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent - As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!".
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9) In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?".
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".
13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk. Here's another one I've done.
16) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn't enough for you here is some examples of insane acts you can use anywhere...

1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4) Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."
5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6) In the subject field for all your e-mails, write "FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS".
7) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
8) Don't use any punctuation
9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12) Sing along at the opera.
13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,
"Run for your lives, they're loose!"

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....

19) Send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.


There. How did you like that? By my reckoning, I've scored a total of 19 points. How did you do?