Wednesday, 11 June 2008

The Princess Inflicted Frog

...continued from The Frog Inflicted Princess

"And then that stupid frog actually retrieved my golden ball" Princess Ava recounted to her mother, Queen Dinah, at the dinner table. "What a sucker!"

"I do wish you wouldn't speak like that" the Snow White Queen lamented, frowning at her sass-mouthed daughter over a forkful of quail tongues. "It's most unbecoming."

The princess pouted but had to stop when she discovered it was physically impossible for the over fives to pout and eat at the same time. Meanwhile, the queen took on a far away look as she chewed on her mouthful. After unconsciously ensuring that every morsel from her mouth had been swallowed, Queen Dinah remarked quietly to no one in particular "That frog must have had opposable thumbs. And vocal chords... How enchantingly peculiar."

"What?" Ava muttered. Her mother ignored her and carried on eating while looking thoughtful. Ava rolled her eyes and resumed eating her meal, only to be disturbed again. This time by a wet scraping sound. The sound was coming from just outside the dining room french doors that led out to the gardens. She looked around from her high-backed chair and through the glazed doors. There was nothing there, yet the sound continued. Before she could get up to take a closer look, the queen swept past her in a rustle of satin chintz and opened the doors. There on the step was the disgusting frog who had rescued her ball from the depths of the woodland pool. And it looked pretty pleased with itself.

"Your majesty" the frog grovelled pathetically. "Your daughter, the b'eautiful P'rincess Ava, p'romised me a kiss in return for her b'all, which I recovered from the cold, dark dep'ths of a woodland p'ool." The frog paused dramatically, glaring at the princess with something approaching longing. He studiously ignored the queen's artful retreat from his showers of spittle. "I have come to enab'le her to keep her p'romise."

Princess Ava, her eyes wide, almost choked on her asparagus. "What the-"

"Do come in, noble frog" Queen Dinah said interrupting her daughter and ushering the frog in. "Won't you join us at the table? We've just started dinner."

Ava looked horrified as her mother lifted the frog to a spare setting. Unseen by the queen at the opposite side of the table, Prince LeJour stuck his tongue out at Ava as the frog was lowered gently to the table top with a smug look on its face.

"Now" said the queen rather sternly, turning to the frog as she resumed her seat "I understand you blackmailed my daughter for a kiss?"

This time it was the frog's turn to look horrified. "B'ut... B'ut..." it stuttered, showering its immediate vicinity in sticky saliva.

"Don't worry. I have an idea of what has really transpired" And how to resolve this matter, amongst others, she thought.

~ ~ ~

After an almost silent, atmospherically seething dinner, Princess Ava let her knife and fork clatter down on to her empty plate, momentarily startling her mother and brother, not to mention the frog, who burped in shock.

"I'm going to my room" Ava announced as she rose from the table.

"Very well, dear" her mother replied, not looking up.

"Take me with you, P'rincess" the frog implored, his bulging, glistening eyes widening.

"Rack off!" Ava snapped.

"Dear!" the queen admonished. "Remember your promise. Now, be nice to that frog and take it upstairs with you. You obviously don't want to kiss it down here infront of us, otherwise you'd have done so by now."

" * huff * " Princess Ava glared daggers at her brother, LeJour, as he sniggered into his ruffles. "Come on then" she said to the frog, relenting and lifting it down from the table top. "But I'm not carrying you up there. You can make your own way up." And with that she dropped the frog onto the stone tiled floor and stormed off upstairs. The frog slowly hopped after her.

~ ~ ~

A little while later, the frog reached Princess Ava's room and managed to push open the door which had been left ajar. It hopped across the floor and climbed up the sheets onto the bed where Ava had thrown herself in an indignant rage.

"P'rincess" the frog spluttered. "Can I come up that end and sit on your p'illow to be near you?"

"What?" Ava snapped, turning away from her book. "Aaaaaiiieee! Get off my bed!" she shrieked, picking up the despicable creature and throwing it across the room where it hit the wall with a wet thud before sliding down to the floor out of her sight. "Eewwww! Ick" she sneered, wiping her hand on the duvet cover, oblivious in her disgust to the faint * glingle glingle * sound coming from across the room.
She collapsed, laying on her back, staring at the ceiling, wishing she were somewhere else instead. It wasn't long before exhaustion from the day's activity caught up with her and she fell asleep.

At the bottom of the damp trail on the wall marked by the frog's descent, something rather larger than the frog stirred...

Continued in The Frog Prince...


  1. This is it, isn't it? You've finally started writing bestiality slash fiction, you pervert.

  2. This is exciting stuff.

    Don't take as long writing part 3 as it took you to write this one.

  3. Anonymous11/6/08 20:15

    I say what Cyberpete said.

  4. Anonymous11/6/08 20:18

    And why don't you install some speech recognition software?

    That way, you could dictate instead of typing really fucking slowly.

    And you could lay on the sofa, with your curly wig on, G&T in one hand, cheroot in the other, pretending to be be the 21st century version of Barbara Cartland.

    Yes, we can just see you like that.

  5. Tim: Ha! You wish.

    Wait a minute... You don't really, do you?

    CyberPetra: I'll try not to. I'll probably post part three tomorrow.


    P&T: Who's to say I don't already do that?

    * knocks back gin and rearranges wig *

    And I can type quite quickly, I'll have you know. It's just that my brain works quicker than my fingers and gets away from them.

  6. This story is awesome! I'm a little bit too pouty in this alternative universe, but the Firefly Fairy will tell you that I have been pouting a lot lately. Cranky and flu-ey. And annoyed at girls who are bitchier and more selfish than me. Yes, they exist. I'd venture to say she is even vainer than me too. MOLE.

    I hope it all turns out nicely for everyone. Although, given the fractured fairy tale nature of this... probably not! Can Ava have a shag? Not the bird, a real shag?

    Ava needs a shag from a man. Not a frog. Poor froggy.

  7. I admire that Frenchman's tenacity!

  8. I am still overcome with sorrow for froggy. I hope Princess Ava slips him the tongue.

  9. *sob*

    Moved down the ranks of flying monkeys already!

    You can't be the 21st century's Cartland. You'll have to start wearing pink everything and doing yer eye makeup without specs on.

  10. T-Bird: I know what you mean. I'm a little alarmed at Ava's shrillness myself, but I think everything will turn out right in the end.

    Or not.

    Shags for all, I say!

    Eros: Yes. Sorry-can't think of a suitable reply.

    Snooze: Her tongue, or some of those quail tongues from the meal?

    Spike, darling: I didn't realise you were a 'top'?
    The Flying Monkeys aren't in order of rank - I just added some new ones and removed some others.

    Back you go!

  11. IDV, I've been rather shrill lately anyway - you must have been picking it up through your crystal ball. Or those beeping feathers.

    I'm off now to shrill the cat into submission. Toodles!

  12. This reminds me of one of my favourite Q quotes: "Crusher gets more shrill with each passing year."

    Heh heh! Always makes me laugh. Ta ra!

  13. Which one? Wesley or Beverly? :)

  14. Definitely Wesley. Little diva.

  15. I am tapping my foot and pouting impatiently for the next installment! Does the frog transform?

    Can he be Edward Norton? I like Edward Norton. A lot. I'm even seeing his Hulk movie. That's how much I like him.

  16. Anonymous13/6/08 12:03

    I am going to eat my lunch whilst pouting, yes yes I am!

    T-bird: I am so with you on Edward Norton. I am Hulking/perving tonight.

  17. OK, so I didn't post last night. I meant to, but was just too damn lazy!

    Continue pouting my pretties. I might finish this off tonight instead...

  18. Taking on the spirit of Piggy

    Get to it you lazy cunt!

    But you know I'm not like that. I'm perfectly nice but don't keep us waiting too long dear.

    T-Birdy might finish without you. Seeing as she already started perving with Edward Norton.

  19. Oh dear. I've just noticed this is an update.

    Well they all look the same!

  20. Why cantI comment on the Friday post.
    What a marvellous story ,altho I dont approve of kissing frogs.
    Does Tim drink lager in bed?
    How common

  21. Nice with a sharp edge eh, CyberPetra?

    MJ: To pinch an explanation from my favourite stalkee: RUDE!

    Beast re Friday: I don't know, sir. And those are the facts.

    I'm beginning to wonder whether Tim is the one for me, after all?

  22. Anonymous20/6/08 02:28

    Thankee kind sorr.

    Course I'm a top!




Tickle my fancy, why don't you?