Friday, 13 June 2008

The Frog Prince

Continued from... The Princess Inflicted Frog

As Princess Ava slept, dreaming of her favourite knight Sir Edward of Norton, what was once the frog roused. Getting to its now much larger feet, the four feet tall frog-thing unsteadily made its way to her bed. Its wobbling, bipedal, bandy-legged gait was punctuated occasionally by a webbed hand reaching to the floor for balance.
Once at the side of her bed, it gazed upon the sleeping princess with almost human-looking eyes before hopping gently onto the quilt, so as not to disturb her. The frog-thing lay down beside her staring at the back of her head as she dreamed.
Suddenly, she turned over and faced him, her closed eyelids flickering in REM sleep and her lips puckered to kiss her dream knight. The frog-thing sidled towards her and was rewarded with her lips brushing against his.

* Kazam! *

Princess Ava immediately awoke, her dream dissipating. She gasped in shock at the realisation of a man in her bed! And then gasped again at his stunning good looks. As he smiled sexily at her, she attempted to compose herself while briefly looking down towards the foot of the bed, away from his penetrating gaze. She couldn't help but take a longer, lingering look when she saw that he was completely naked.

"Oh, my" she breathed, eventually meeting his gaze. They raised their right eyebrows in unison.

"Rawr!" he growled, leaning in for a kiss.

* Kazam! *

"What the-?"

There before him was a tinny of Castlemaine XXXX.


And behind him, was me!

"Hello Timothy" I said as he leapt out of the bed scooping up the can to just-about-cover his not-so-modest modesty. "And where do you think you're going?"

Before Prince Tim could answer, the bedroom window blew open admitting another supernatural deity.

"Not so fast, Maleficent!" she crowed, levelling her wand at the can of lager covering Tim's bits.

I spun around. "You!" I hissed through gritted teeth, but too late to stop the meddling Firefly Fairy as her wand discharged.

* glingle glingle *

* Poof! *

I couldn't help but smirk, despite the waves of jealousy, as Princess Ava rematerialised on her knees in front of Prince Tim, his hands inadvertantly holding her head in his groin.

"As much as it pains me to say this, I don't think this is the time or place, my Princess" Prince Tim declared, releasing Princess Ava's head and backing off, cupping himself with both hands.

At that moment the bedroom door burst open admitting Queen Dinah and Prince LeJour (who took one look at the buff Prince Tim and collapsed onto the bed).

"What's going on?" The Queen demanded. "What's all this shouting? We'll have no trouble here!"

Prince Tim took his chance and bolted out of the open door.

"Hey! Wait for me!" Princess Ava yelled, following him out.

"Oh no you don't!" I hissed, in hot pursuit.

"Come back here!" the Firefly Fairy shouted, as she too, joined the chase, following us down the stairs.

Prince LeJour recovered enough to notice the room was sans hot, naked, muscular men and pelted out of the room and down the stairs as quickly as his high heels would allow.

"Hey! Wait up! I can't run in these heels!"

Queen Dinah surveyed the empty room and rolled her eyes.

"Oh well. When in Rome..." she sighed, gathering up her skirts and, with a surprising turn of speed, followed the mad chase...

The end


  1. Holy crap - it DID turn into a Benny Hill skit!

    Oh, and it's *always* a good time to hold a a lady's head to your nethers. There is no way I would say otherwise.

    Unless she was biting. Hard.

  2. Are you certain a can of lager is large enough to cover the TimBits?

    This, I must admit (bites lip) is absolutely brilliant!

  3. Biting? Nay. That's not very good manners, is it?

    That. Was. Brilliant. I honestly didn't think that you would put a naked Tim in Ava's bed, though. You did however, save it from being a close call. Which would ruin it if they actually did shag. Remember what happened to all those other fictional characters once they shagged? No one watched any more.

    Although, thank goodness for the Firefly Fairy. She's always got my back!

    She actually saved my skin again in real life this week.

    Oh, and PS - I've never seen that add before. Her accent sounded a little too ocker... I hope we all don't sound like that.

  4. I just had to read the whole thing from beginning to end again. It is so brilliant! Thanks so much for writing a birthday story for me!

    Is it ok if I copy this and print it out? I have an idea for the study...

  5. Which begs the question, Tim: What were you doing to make her bite so hard?

    MJ: Well, it almost didn't, despite being one of those 500ml cans we have in Europe, instead of those puny 330ml cans.

    And, thank you.

    * hands over tissue to soak up the blood *

    T-Bird: I can assure you that I certainly didn't want to put a naked Tim in Ava's bed - I'd rather he was in mine! But, things don't always pan out the way we plan.

    I'm glad you liked it. Copy and print away - It's yours.

    P.S. What's ocker?

  6. Ocker is like Charlene in neighbours. Really strong, really stupid and full of bad diction. Sort of like Kath and Kim.

    Erm, the rest of the world realises we all don't say things like "Look at moy"... doesn't it?

    Thanks for the copy and print green light. I am thinking about an awesome decoration motif starring your story. Well, I have the idea, but let's just see if I have the determination to carry it out.

  7. Excellent! Definately worth the wait.

    Was happy to see the Timbits. Always wondered how they looked.

    T-Birdy: You don't ALL sound like that. "Look at moy" is great fun though.

  8. T-Bird: Oh, I get it. Kind of like: "Strewth Sheila, yer great flaming galah!"

    Although, I'm not sure I want to see Sheila's galah. Flaming or otherwise.

    Heh! Kath & Kim are so funny. Of course we don't think you talk like that...

    Thank you, CyberPetra.

    Sadly Timbits escaped us again. better luck next time, eh?

  9. Well, it's a good thing Tim runs! How nice of him to motivate people to exercise!

  10. That was awesome! I love your epics.

  11. Eros: Yes, Tim's annoyingly selfless like that.

    Dinah: Why, thank you.

  12. I still want to know what made Ava bite!


    It mustn't have been her fault. Maybe she saw something that looked remarkably like a Picnic*, and not having had enough quail tongues for dinner, got hungry and bit in.

    I really, really hope you guys have these lumpy yet scrummy chocolates in you various over theres.

  13. Anonymous15/6/08 08:28

    I too gasp in shock at the realisation of a man in my bed!

    This is truly brilliant. Naked Tim bedhopping, I say!

  14. T-Bird: We do have Picnics over here. And they are scrummy!
    If Timbits are even half as yummy, he'll be lucky to have anything left next time he holds someone's head down there.

    W*P*D: Hmmph! Well, I don't like to share, but if it means even a short time with a Naked Tim, then I'm willing to do so!

  15. Anonymous15/6/08 12:43

    Sharing is caring ;> Or so I am told, besides, Tim has said before that there is plenty of him to go round... RAWR!

  16. Have I?

    Oh, hang on - yes I did.

    That excluded IDV though.


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