Saturday, 7 June 2008

The Frog Inflicted Princess

Set up in a prelude...

"Happy birthday!" the Queen said to her daughter, handing over the key to the orangery. The princess hurriedly unlocked the doors and pelted through the warm, orange blossom scented air towards the far end of the great glass room.

Princess Ava had always opened her presents in the orangery for as long as she could remember. She loved the smell, the warmth, the view down the gently sloping gardens to the woods and lake at the foot of the hill. Although now, on her twentyeleventh birthday when her appearance was paramount, she was beginning to have second thoughts about starting her day here. The humid air had started to affect her carefully straightened hair. She could feel it absorbing the moisture, growing bigger and frizzier.

At last she reached the doors that opened the orangery into the gardens. For a moment, Princess Ava was torn between the huge pile of lavishly wrapped presents and gifts that had been carefully piled up next to the wood-framed glass doors, and the ornately carved, white painted doors themselves. Her hair won out, and she unlocked the double doors, throwing them wide open letting some of the humid air out and the fresh outside air in.
As she smoothed down her unruly hair, her family joined her.

Her mother, Queen Dinah, smiled warmly at her before stepping through the open doors and onto the paysho outside. Princess Ava marvelled at how well behaved her mother's ebony-dark hair was, not a single strand was out of place from the complex and intricate beehive-do that she'd taken to wearing lately. Her mother's smile didn't seem so warm now. Ava could have sworn there was more than a hint of smugness in those blood red lips.
Her father, King Skillz, was away on business - Something to do with beans and financial security, she'd heard.
Ava's younger brother, Prince LeJour, was flouncing about wearing too many frills and ruffles as usual. Why he didn't just wear a dress and have done with it, Ava didn't know. At least then she could stop pretending that she didn't know he sneaked into her chambers and paraded around in her clothes and shoes - well, those that he could squeeze into - when he thought she wasn't around.

"Come on" she whined, self consciously smoothing down her hair again. "Help me get these outside so I can open them on the paysho."


A little while later, all around Princess Ava and her pile of opened presents, ripped and shredded paper, discarded ribbons and gift tags rustled in the late morning breeze. And slapped on her face was the biggest pout she'd been host to since she was told, at age nine, that she wasn't going to get a shiny new guinea under her pillow for her fourth tooth because the Tooth Fairy had been retired*.

Displeased with her daughter's ungratefulness, Queen Dinah had retired to the parlour to eat some bread and honey, leaving Prince LeJour out on the paysho with Ava.

"I mean, what the Hell!? I'm thirtyone twentyeleven, not seven. What do I want with a bunch of My Little Carthorse stuff, a fairy outfit that's blatantly too small, face paints and this." Ava dangled a lifelike baby doll from its left foot before flinging it over her shoulder, not caring if she never saw it again. "I wanted a horse-drawn carriage of my own!"

"Well, you needn't have been so rude to mother" LeJour half snapped. She's been really busy since father's been away." He looked amongst the strewn about gifts for the present he gave. "Don't you like my present?" he asked.

"Oh yes" she replied sarcastically, holding up a pair of killer heels. "A pair of hideously expensive, fabulous shoes that are three sizes too big. In fact, they're just the right size for you, aren't they Petra?"

LeJour stood up, and snatched the shoes from her, inexpertly kicking a golden ball away from it's place at her side and nearly toppling over. "There" he sneered as the beautiful golden orb, a gift from the Firefly Fairy, bounced away. "Fetch!"

Ava stared in horror as her golden ball rolled down the hill. The only gift she didn't think was a worthless piece of crap was getting away from her, picking up speed as it shot down the wide path towards the woods. The ball must have hit a stone or something on the path, as it leapt into the air then fell back to the path only to bounce higher this time. Each bounce was higher than the last, until the golden ball bounced high enough to catch the sun. The ball shone like a tiny supernova as it arced through the air, clearing the hedge at the end of the garden and disappeared into the trees beyond.

"My ball!" Ava shrieked. She turned and grabbed LeJour by his ruffles. "Go. And. Get. My. Ball" she hissed through gritted teeth.

"In these shoes?" LeJour protested, pointing at the elegant crystal heels he'd managed to smush his feet into. "You must be out of your mind, Ava dear." And with that, he wriggled free from her grasp and sashayed off into the orangery, leaving Ava to fume.


Several minutes later, Ava was at the bottom of the garden pushing through the beech hedge and into the secluded woodland beyond. The ground squelched unpleasantly beneath her feet as she picked her way through, trying to avoid the brambles and wild roses. As she rounded an unruly thicket of thorns, she stopped. There before her was a large, still, dark-watered pool. Some of the rocks at its edge bore the tell-tale water marks from a large splash. Ava got as close to the edge as she dared and peered into the depths. At the bottom of the pool was a dim golden glow - Her ball! But how was she going to get it out?

As she sat pouting on a large boulder, movement near her feet caught her eye. It was a disgusting, slimy frog.

"Eww" she uttered and stood up so she could kick it away from her. She swung her leg back and-

"Rrrraarrrrp" said the frog, halting her in mid-kick. "P'lease don't kick me, P'rincess." Big globs of spittle flew from the frog's mouth as he pronounced the Ps and landed in the muck by Ava's left foot.

"Ewwwww" she said again, even more disgusted. "Get away from me, you horrible creature!"

The frog looked sad, in as much as a frog could. "But, P'rincess" and Ava took a step back out of the line of fire - or spittle, rather. "I can get your b'all for you."

Ava pulled a face as a spit bubble formed and then quickly burst when the frog said ball, but she hastily covered it with her bland, smiley 'official function face'. "You can get my ball for me?" she asked.

"Yes, P'rincess." Ava tried not to wince. "I only ask one thing in return."

Oh, here it comes she thought. "And what would that be?"

The frog looked up at her with its staring, glassy eyes. "A kiss."

This time Ava couldn't disguise the look of disgust on her face. She recoiled in horror, tripping over a stone and landed unceremoniously on her arse. "Oof!" she said.

"You want me to kiss you!?" she asked incredulously as she got to her feet. "I think no-"

"Not even for your b'eautiful b'all, Princess?" the frog cajoled, cutting her off and showering her elegant, but muddy shoes with spit.

Ava pursed her lips and thought for a moment. She really did want that ball back. The Firefly Fairy had informed her it was a special orb that could give pleasure to those afflicted with Singletondom. Ava hadn't read the instructions yet, but she had quickly scanned them - There was something about sitting on it, she thought.

She looked from the repulsive frog, to the faint glow of the ball, deep in the murky pool.

"Very well, then" she relented. "One kiss. And no tongues!"

The frog beamed with joy and leapt into the water.

After what seemed like an eternity, Ava noticed the glow in the pool grow brighter and brighter. My ball she thought. That wretched creature really was retrieving her ball.

At last, the golden ball broke the surface of the water and the frog flipped it onto the ground at Ava's feet before dragging itself out.

"And now for my kiss!"

The princess gingerly lifted the frog up at arms length, feeling its cold clammy skin against hers. She grimaced as it shut its eyes and attempted to pucker up its wide froggy mouth. Then, without any warning, she dropped the startled frog and kicked it hard before it landed.
"Sucka!" she yelled as the stricken frog sailed over the pool and into a small thicket of briar roses. She didn't wait to hear if it hit the ground as she'd scooped up her ball and was running back to the castle.

To be continued...

* One paranoid little boy had clonked her over the head with a chamber pot when she came to collect his tooth. She was given early retirement otherwise she was going to sue due to getting injured on the job.

P.S. Happy birthday, T-Bird! This is for you x


  1. Poor froggy! Don't leave us waiting long for part II...

  2. Fabulous!

    Oh and about TFGES you don't have to hurry. It gives me an excuse not to do it.

  3. The bits about the prince prancing about in her shoes and clothes is particularly realistic.

    Happy Birthday, T-Bird!

  4. Aww, Happy Birthday, T-Bird!

  5. Poor Princess, having to chase after her own ball; where are those servants?

    Happy Birthday, T-Bird! Hope you get to play with all the balls you want on your special day!!!

  6. Yes, Happy Birthday T-Bird!

    A slightly more appropriate comment than my previous "ooo."

    Where is T-Bird anyway? I hope she's off doing appropriate birthday things.

  7. Oh! It's a story for me!! I have to go read it now!!

    Yes - I was off doing birthday things at the beach... it was grrrreat.

  8. Princess Ava kicking a frog while he's down??

    Actually, probably...

    Oh, and er, The Firefly Fairy was right. Those golden orbs are The. Bomb. Seriously.

    Dude, do you have a video camera hidden in those ostrich feathers? Because you totally got the hair part right!

  9. Is there a ghost in here, Tim?

    Snooze: I'll try not to - Frogs are a bit slow though.

    Well, except for this one. Princess Ava did kick it quite hard...

    CyberPetra: Thank you. I have updated TFGES Map and will post it once this amphibious tale is concluded, so get those 'Shorts on!

    MJ: These Over The Cusp tales speak only the truth.

    Tara: She would say 'thanks' but she's too busy entertaining herself with the golden ball!

    Eros: Are you offering yours?

    Tim: I believe she was - Ooh! She's appeared underneath us!

    T-Bird: I'm glad you had a great birthday weekend.

    Please ignore the feathers if they start beeping and slowly turning from left to right. It'll be the breeze, nothing more...

    * ahem *

  10. Come on! We want to see the shorts!

  11. Hush the both of you

    Just for that, I think you'll win them next T-Birdy

  12. Yay! I've been working on my legs at the gym!

    Now I have to think of something funny to say about the shorts.

  13. You'd better - Those shorts could do with another trip south of the equator. They've only been once, you know. And that was to New Zealand!

  14. I'm back in the story bitches!!!! With golden orbs.

    Is that a sex toy or something?

    Actually, I don't want to know....

  15. I'm sure I wouldn't know about such things, Dora...


Tickle my fancy, why don't you?