I expect you all want to know what it is that I was up to this weekend to get battered and bruised. I can tell you that it wasn't anything to do with 'Rough Trade' - thank you, MJ - or 'Happy-Slapping' - thank you, Tim. Or sticky white batter, SID!
Suffice it to say that the battering & bruising occurred due to hurtling down concrete-walled rapids in nothing but my swim-shorts, pursued by and pursuing - albeit unintentionally - Hot Dads™ *. I used my head and hips to vaguely control my descent hence the B & B. And once or twice the Hot Dad™s brought me to a halt in the staging pools, but only because I crashed into them as they were dilly-dallying around after their Precious Little Darlings. Still, it was bodily contact so I shouldn't complain...
There was also a luxurious wallow in a multi-themed spa on Sunday afternoon, to try and relax after the pushing and shoving that occurred in the subtropical pool complex earlier, and on the day before.
It helps to have (minor) celeb friends that can blag free entry in to such things. Although I'm sure a quick wave of my wand would've got the same result.
In other, more supernatural, matters, I may soon be rid of that hamadryad: I've fixed a
* Thirty-something, fit fathers of get-under-ones-feet-annoying-but-cute brats.
"(minor) celeb friends"?
ReplyDeleteKeith Chegwins cousin twice removed?
You could open a B&B B&B for B&D enthusiasts.
ReplyDeleteWhich wand is that you're waving around? Better be careful when you're banging into concrete walls.
ReplyDeleteI bet the Hot Dads loved your skinny white and bruised legs crashing into them*
ReplyDeleteAnd (minor) celeb friends? Starf**ker!
*that's sarcasm
SID: Not even as 'celeb' as that.
ReplyDeleteMJ: Excuse the ignorance, but what's B&D?
Snooze: Actually, either/or!
Tim: * I'm glad you pointed it out, as I was a little preoccupied with extricating myself from a Hot Dad!
There is nothing sexier than a hot Dad... mmmm. Hot Dads.
ReplyDeleteI met someone who claimed to have had many a hot dad. His cunning ruse was to hang around the toilets in a maternity ward, and catch them at their most vulnerable, highly stressed and at a time when they haven't had any action for a long time.
ReplyDeleteJust in case the thought of them was all too much and some closer inspection was required.
IDV, either MJ wants you to open a shop selling Black&Decker tools or a Bondage&Domination retreat. Either way, you'll be giving customers hands on training on how to work those tools properly.
ReplyDelete