Tuesday, 15 May 2007

Pop Quiz, Hotshots!

And the Specialist Subject is: The Emergency Wedding

Now, despite me saying "Don't ask" when I mentioned I was on my way to an emergency wedding, in Night Fright on Saturday, you harangued me in your multitudes!

OK, so two of you did. Anyway, it was enough interest for me to churn another post out.

So, back to the quiz. There were two reasons that the wedding was an emergency, and had to be performed as quick as inhumanly possible. Your task is to guess the two reasons.
Listed below are five reasons. You have to choose from one of the first four, then guess what the second 'Other' reason was.

1. To prevent the birth of a bastard.

2. To prevent or seal a curse or prophecy.

3. To tie the knot before impending death/reincarnation.

4. As part of a record breaking attempt.

And, 5. Other - Remember to give a full explanation. And I want you to show your working, list all your apparatus, and acknowledge any quotes.

Well. Snap to it!


  1. FIRST!!!

    And by that I mean I'm FIRST (suckers!), and I think the answer is numero uno - the bastard child!

    As for the 'other,' is the groom an illegal immigrant, here from one of the Baltic states and fleeing persecution as a political prisoner? His is a tale of daring and excitement, tinged with loss as he tried to help his entire family across the border, only to watch as they were picked off one-by-one by a grizled sniper with a sassy attitude and a false leg? Cradling his 92 year old grandmother Svetlana in his arms as her life ebbed away, she made him vow to escape to a better life - and to avenge them when the time was right.

    Instead he came to Britain, where he was given a cracking benefits package, a house paid for by the taxpayer, and then got one of the locals up the duff after splashing his aforementioned benefits package out on a celebratory alcopop binge at the local Slug and Lettuce that ended in an awkward sexual encounter on the boot of a 1983 Ford Escort, where she grazed her right buttock on a patch of rust and ended the evening with a tetanus jab in A&E.

    Just a guess...

  2. Anonymous16/5/07 00:05

    I'll say what he said.

    See! Already the populist theory!

  3. Anonymous16/5/07 14:07

    I'm going for option 4. Do you have a premium rate number I should ring (despite the fact that you'll just pick the winner yourself anyway)?

  4. Anonymous16/5/07 18:57

    He does have a premium rate number.

    But it's tied up with all his OAP porno callers.

  5. I guess three and five in that order.

    Am I right?

    Where's my prize?

    Are M&J still on the phone?

    So many questions..

  6. Anonymous16/5/07 21:11

    SID - Cunt. We cant get through until you get off the line!

  7. She just *has* to marry him because he has Crocodile Dundee on DVD.

    Am I right?

  8. Oooh - I go with the 2nd option. I like Tim's "other", but I bet it was a more pedestrian reason like the rental hall was only available for a few hours and after that the rates would go up. You know, grooms can be a cheap lot.

  9. Anonymous17/5/07 15:44

    Its the curse thing again... that was the reason last time as well... just lay off the Tennants Super strength this time...

  10. *Writes name at top of page, scratches arse with pencil, looks at what everyone else is writing, picks nose, lapses into day dream*

  11. Number one is too easy, right? I was thinking that one, but now I'm intrigued by number two. But maybe that's just beccause I'm curious about the curse OR prophecy. And for five, I was going to say death, but that's three, so...i think the answer has something to do with the number 53.

  12. 5. Other.

    To wit, a great-aunt of obscene wealth on her death-bed wills her entire fortune and 48 cocker spaniels in diamond collars to our groom provided he marries someone with the opposite tackle before she shuffles off this mortal coil.

  13. Yes, I think the "bastard" was reason No.1

    The second is that the groom was off to fight for oi . . . err, freedom in Iraq, what made it worse is that he's in Prince Harry's regiment.

  14. Anonymous18/5/07 23:50

    I'm sick of looking at this one now.

  15. Anonymous18/5/07 23:51


    That was us!

    She's thinking the same thing anyway (fave word).

    We know.

    So do you.

    So is everyone else.

    We know.

    So do you.

    Lazy cunt.

  16. * Wakes up, panics, decides it's far too late to catch up and falls asleep again*


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