Now, I have been accused of various things in my time, only most of which I'm guilty of*.
The latest accusation comes from my actual coven! The crime? Flirting.
I have never been so insulted!
What?
Oh, OK. So maybe I'm guilty of this flirting thing, too. Honestly, I only do it for a laugh. Or for attention. Or to get my way. Or to get someone else to do something for me. Or because I'm bored. Or because the conversation has run dry. Or because I've had a drink or six.
Sometimes I even flirt with someone Hot and unattainable.
However, I rarely flirt with The Gays because it might just lead to disgusting bum sex!**
* shudder *
And we wouldn't want that, would we boys and girls?
No.
So the fact of the matter is: I only flirt when there's absolutely no chance of actually getting anywhere of a sexual nature.
So, you're safe, Tim. For now...
* Baby eating, seal clubbing, Father Christmas impaling, ivory poaching, Tooth Fairy squashing, blood sucking, whale hunting, species extincting and eating the last fondant fancy to name but a few.
** Apart from with Knight, that is.
Muwahahahahahaha!!!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, wasn't it T-Bird who called you flirtatious? It never even occurred to me that you were being flirtatious with me. I'm so naive I simply wouldn't notice.
Was that you how just put a leaflet through my door?
Ah, bless you. And yes, it was T-Bird. Bless her, too.
ReplyDeleteYes it was me. Do you think you'll be interested in my window cleaning service? I think my 'first thing in the morning' or 'last thing at night' hours will be quite popular. Just make sure you leave your curtains and blinds open so I can see through the glass to make sure there're no smears.
* crosses fingers behind back *
I promise I won't look if you're in the all-together...
Oh look - I wrote 'how' instead of 'who'! What a tit!
ReplyDeleteWhat are your rates? For cleaning windows, I mean.
Timothy! I'm shocked! If you have to ask, you obviously can't afford me.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, seeing how it's you, I'm sure we could come to some sort of... arrangement.
Eww! I sounded like Bubbles DeVere trying to pay for her spa treatment in kind.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha! "Hello darling!"
ReplyDeleteBTW, thanks for saying I'm hot and unattainable! I think I might make that my tagline for life!!
Muwahahaha!
Tim, if you do take up the service, just make sure it's Windex in the bottle and not chloroform. They're quite easy to tell apart, just have a little sniff.
ReplyDeleteWe could call you lots of things.
ReplyDeleteNone of which we're impolite enough to utter.
Good point Skillz - I've already been rohypnol'd once this week. I'm not falling for that one aga-
ReplyDelete...
...
Zzzzzz...
you little minx
ReplyDeleteThank you for voting for my arse.
ReplyDeleteI only flirt with people I like.
Like Heather tonight. I asked her why she was loosing hair. She said it was quemo because of cancer in her throught. I asked her if she was scared and she said no. She was happy with life and if it ended she'd be OK.
I understand that. But it's a pity because I like her husband and She'd really hot.
Sorry about the spelling but I'm a retard.
Flirting is such an underrated past time, but I do have to agree with you IDV, I am better at it when I know the person is un-obtainable. My psyche is so perverse. The more I like someone the more stammery and stupid I get.
ReplyDeleteBut, there is nothing wrong with being flirtatious. I don't even find it a sexual thing, to be honest. It's more like witty word play, which is the sign of a sharp mind.
And that, put simply is why I am going to carve on a tree:
T-Bird: IDV's Devoted Hag 4EVAH!
And for goodness sake Tim! You *are* hot. Honestly, I don't know why one of your little British friends haven't snapped you up! Are they all mental?
From my experience, yes.
ReplyDeleteTim: "Would you excuse me. I'm a little bit on fire."
ReplyDeleteSkillz: Oi! Are you trying to thwart me?
M&J: So, with the name change comes a dose of politeness? We'll see how long that lasts, shall we?
Although, you were quite good at Tim's, I noticed.
Tim: Mwah hah hah ha!
Frobi: Why, thank you!
Tickers: Yes.
Do you know, it took me 3 or 4 reads to understand what you were going on about. I get it now. You might be a retard, but at least you've got a good arse!
T-Bird: You're right. Flirting is good exercise for the mind. It certainly beats going to the gym!
I'll look out for your carving in the next tree I land in...
Tim: Then they just need a good shake!
You have eyes made for flirting.
ReplyDeleteI mustn't drink and blog. I know it makes sence.
ReplyDeleteput a leaflet through my door
ReplyDeleteExcellent euphemism, Tim.
Flirting is good. I like flirting. Flirt more.
ReplyDeleteBut flirting only with the hot and unattainable ... that's a bit tragic 50s gay. We are permitted to be gay and not suicidally self-destructive these days, doncha know?
Right then. Tim is off the menu!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure he'll be pleased.