Sunday, March 19, 2006

Familiarisation

I put this poster up last week because I needed a new familiar:



WANTED



Familiar needed for light witching duties
and occasional dusting.

Must be clean, honest and
able to work Sundays.

Must not have a fixation on eyeballs,
need to moult constantly and
have ideas above station.
Especially must not have desire to take over World.

Imperialistic, snobby blackbirds
will NOT be considered




The response was less than disappointing.

The only creatures that turned up were a bumblebee, a starling*, a rabbit and a giraffe (?!).

In the end, I plumped for the rabbit. What it lacks in manual dexterity, it more than makes up for in dusting-under-beds-and-chairs ability. Also, for a rabbit, it has an exceedingly good tolerance of heights, which is always a bonus when one's preferred mode of transportation is by broom.

It also reminds me of a rabbit I had as a child. The rabbit in question was a particularly vicious little sod and loved nothing better than to chase my youngest sister, Inexcuseable, through the house, biting and scratching her ankles.

Ah... Happy memories!



* The starling came with a recommendation from the unfortunately named Elizabeth Swallox, a witch I only know through reputation. Poor Betty...
EDIT Monday, 20th March 14:19
Just in case anyone's curious about the amount and content of this Post's comments, you'd better go and read the parallel comments at Tickersoid's too, for the full effect. Don't bother about Frobisher's: he's obviously at work or something...

49 comments:

  1. Yey, I'm the fastest gun.

    If it doesn't work out, rabbits are quite delicious.

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  2. I had a rabbit when I was a nipper - she was a horrible, vicious beast. It escaped out of the hutch and burrowed out the garden and went feral and lived with the wild rabbits in the fields. I saw it a few months later with "babies". We clocked each other but didn't speak.

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  3. My daughter has a lop eared rabbit called 'Buster'. All it ever does is shag things. The poodles, kitchen roll. fluffy toys, the PS2 hand set. ( Buster accidently got quite a good score on Grand Theft Auto )and worst of all, my 'Homer Simpson' slippers.

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  4. Not while you were wearing them, I hope?

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  5. Don't be silly, would you ever wear 'Homer Simpson' slippers?

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  6. Of course not! The very thought of wearing novelty slippers turns my stomach.

    Actually, the thought of wearing ordinary slippers is surprisingly effective at giving me the dry heaves.

    * Ooog! Acckk! *

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  7. Wait 'til you get to my age. I go week at the knees at the sight of a particularly warm looking pair of slippers. I drool whilst fondeling a nicely knitted cardigan.

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  8. Do you know you can get designer poodles now?
    Labradoddle = Labrador/poodle
    Cockapoo = cockerspaniel/poodle
    Shepadoodle = German shepherd/poodle

    As a plus point the Labradoddle doesn't shed any hair. It was originally bred for blind people with an allergy to dog hair!

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  9. Tickersoid I dread to think what happens when you come across a pair of thermal longjohns...

    Frobisher Cockapoo! * snigger *

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  10. Cockapoo?

    I'm saying nothing.

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  11. Actually, I hope you don't come across a pair of longjohns!

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  12. Here come those dry heaves again...

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  13. I wish you wouldn't keep doing that. Not feeling too good myself after that over priced hot dog I bought off a Kasakstani vendor yesterday.

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  14. I thought they sold Klau Kalash or some other hideous amalgam of barely meat?

    Anyway, sorry. Image has gone now and my stomach has settled.

    Is that why you're blogging in school time? Off work sick?

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  15. I'm supposed to be sorting things out for a funeral ( not someone I was close to ). Procrastination is so much more attractive.

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  16. Isn't it, though.

    Almost everything I do is some form of procrastination or other.

    Right now I'm supposed to be decorating. And tidying up. And ringing 'round estate agents. And shopping for food. And clothes. And presents.

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  17. It was so cold the other week I seriously considered buying some long johns. Years ago I had a part time job in a convience store - we used to get tarmac/road workers coming in first thing to buy tights! Apparently they are extremely warm. They weren't too bothered about the colour.

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  18. I'd heard that too. "Biscuit" or "Beige dream" in a 40 denier.

    I wonder if they shaved their legs?

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  19. I used to wear tights for out door work.
    they don't work as well as long johns but I just liked the feel of them on my legs.

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  20. I suppose, after work, you could just slip into a revealing little number and prop yourself up at a bar?

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  21. Didn't they make things a bit "sweaty" Ewww . . .

    My Favourite colour is American Tan.

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  22. You know me too well.

    Size 10 stilletto's can be a bit of a bother to get hold of.

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  23. How come your comments keep going up and mine's still at 10?

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  24. Frobi Eeewwww indeed. The thought of Tickers' moist bits...

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  25. Have you refreshed your page?

    Yours is on 22 at the mo, but I haven't refreshed yours in a while so it must be more now.

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  26. Oh yeh, 27.

    I'll have you know there are people out there that would pay handsomely for the mearest glimps of my moist bits.

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  27. You mean they would pay handsomely for you to show them only the mearest glimpse and not force the said moist bits upon them?

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  28. You know what I mean. I'm thinking of floating my moist bits on the stock market.

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  29. As long as they're not floating in my bath I don't care : )

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  30. Nice one.

    I really must go, I've missed two busses already.
    big sister will be livid.

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  31. Make sure you brush your teeth - Chicken Jalfrezi breath may not go down too well.

    Unless your sister likes that kind of thing?

    Byeee

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  32. Bugger, I've missed that bus as well.
    Wonder what I can do to pass the time.

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  33. Tickersoid's moist bits all pink and stuck together like a pound of pork sausages.

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  34. . . . or would that be chipolatas?

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  35. Can't be bothered to read 35 comments (how do you do it, ID, a particularly well-worked bit of spellery?) I love the 'want ad' - obviously a talent for advertising.

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  36. Not really, Shifty. What the Hell was I going to do with a giraffe? It would never have fit in the house, nevermind on the broom!

    Anyway, it seems Tickersoid's my new Familiar now - he's spent more time here than I have.

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  37. I haven't done an update on my own blog yet today, but when you blow over that way again please note my profile ... is that nice, or what?

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  38. I am still thinking about Frobi in his long johns - I may be gone for some time

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  39. Fuck me, it's crowded on here, IDV - you know how to throw a party.

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  40. Hello Handsome!

    It took a while to get going. Tickers was the only one here for ages!

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  41. HELLO! i keep popping in as well

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  42. HELLO! (Cor blimey, I'm not deaf.)

    Tickers has been slumped in the corner all night. I had to vacuum around him this morning...

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  43. Ahh Tickers you vagrant!
    DeVice I think you have already found your familiar...

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  44. Are you still here?

    I thought you were part of the furniture. Sorry.

    Anyway. Shoo. Clear off. I'm just popping out. People to see, places to be...

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  45. Is this some sort of weird gay thing between you three?

    Good post, made me chortle extensively.

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  46. I guess it is.

    I'm a weird gay. Ticker's a weird thing which just leaves Frobi as the gay thing.

    It's all worked out beautifully!

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