Monday, March 27, 2006

Close Encounters of the First Kind

Lawks! I've been more slack than Piggy's chuff. And let's face it, he's got more give than a Blue Peter bring and buy sale! Anyway (his favourite word), here's the post, only a day late:

The broom was on autopilot as I neared the house. Luckily, I had the crystal ball switched on (hands free, of course) because it alerted me to what, at first glance, appeared to be a lizard on a slice of battenburg, but with a second look, turned out to be Dragon hovering over the patio.

Entering a holding pattern above the house, I saw (Naked) Knight and Blacksmith having an animated conversation beneath the hovering Dragon. Knight kept projecting his psi-armour in various configurations while Blacksmith looked on, occasionally pointing or gesturing at it.

Despite the near freezing temperature, Blacksmith was (barely) wearing, frankly ridiculously small, strips of metal that just about covered his leather-clad nethers...

* "tssszart mip zzztpt fnnnsst?" "No, Nebuchadnezzar. No one said your name, now bugger off. You may have been greatest king of the Dynasty of Pashe but you're not any more." "ssszzztp brrrp tzzttzsk!" "No! Hop it. I'm in the midst of writing." *

Where was I? Oh yes, leather-clad nethers. Although, this evening, he had also seen fit to manipulate another strip of metal that left the hip band of his pants, for wont of a better description, and snaked up diagonally over his amazing six-pack and pecs then over his left shoulder and down his broad back to the hip band again.

As Dragon alighted on the patio next to them, I descended in a controlled spiral - I've been practising - easily missing the overhanging branches of the cursed cherry tree. As I drew closer, I could see that the only reason Blacksmith had generated the shoulder strap was to hold various rolled up bits of paper, pencils and, what looked like, a couple of cans of Red Bull. This could only mean they were going to be here most of the night.

Sigh... I suppose I'd better put the kettle on.

As I landed, gracefully I might add, I sensed the kettle was full and cursphered* the switch.

"Hello, Blacksmith" I said, alighting from the broom. He grinned at me as I turned it off. Then he did the strangest thing. He raised his right hand up to his shoulder and waggled his fingers at me.

A. Gay. Wave!

Autopolite kicked in before I could stop it and I did one back, an embarassed smile on my face. I turned to kiss Knight hello but noticed, as I moved in, his narrowed eyes.

Uh oh. He still kissed me but it felt wrong.

Bugger.

* I thought I was telekinetic but the Lady assures me otherwise, Damn her. It seems what I thought was telekinesis is actually cursing. Apparently, I generate a thaumsphere around part or all of the intended target and curse the interior in a way that will give the desired outcome. For instance, switching the kettle on when I'm no where near it: I generate a 'sphere around the switch then curse it to increase gravity. Once the gravity is sufficiently strong enough, the switch falls, turning the kettle on. There. Magic. Huh! She takes the mystery out of everything. She thinks she's Jean Grey. If only she wasn't so fat and old. Actually, that's unfair. She's plump and early middle-aged.

14 comments:

  1. Wow, I learned something today. I never knew what A.Gay.Wave was. Now I do, and will use it regliously. I do love confusing people.

    Ta ta :: gay-waving ::

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  2. I think the gay wave is only properly gay if you're a bloke. If you're a bird and you do it its merely a wave.

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  3. I agree with Fuckkit.

    Whether it's a curse or whether it's telekinesis, it gets the desired result so I wouldn't be too worried about it.

    Nice stuff IDV, I always enjoy my visits here.

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  4. Everyone should take a leaf out of Tina's book and start agreeing with me more.

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  5. I agree with fuckkit, as always.

    *hands over a big piece of cake*

    we must keep fuckkit sedated with cake :-)

    Oh Hi IdV :-) Blacksmith sounds quite delectable. Nothing like leather covered nethers to give a girl ideas. But then, if he's doing the 'gay wave' thing I guess that line of thinking is nixed!

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  6. I agree with Fuckkit too.

    * hands over entire cake *

    I'll let you know more about the lovely Blacksmith very soon.

    And as for the Gay Wave, there are more versions, increasing with gayness up to (and probably beyond) that of Screaming Queen Wave, which consists of flailing madly with both arms over head, mouth wide open, screeching like a banshee, sequins, glitter and poppers spraying everywhere!

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  7. Just realised I haven't changed the clock. Thought this infernal machine would do it automatically. Twatting thing...

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  8. *accepts all the cake and trots out to buy squirty cream. For the cake. Filthy minded buggers*

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  9. I dunno, I have a pretty gay wave, as does my Grandmother. Shes the original gay waver, despite being straight, female and 84. I think shes had fag hag status since the 50's though... So maybe it';s something you can develop, like language skills. DeVice You've been decorating! fabulous...
    Blacksmith eh? *slides off seat*

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  10. Keep fueling Fuckkit with cake and keep her away from trucks and stabby things.

    Nice story IDV.

    Kyah, I once made a sequined leather thong for a friend. That'll teach him not to give a glib answer to the question, 'what do you want for your birthday'.
    No matter how drunk we got him he always refused to parade it.

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  11. M'Lady, now that I'm getting the hang of this HTML malarkey, I thought it's worth experimenting.

    More on Blacksmith coming up...

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  12. Stabby things? Fair enough. Y'know, I can't have things like knives in my room when I go to sleep on account of the fact that I'm genuinely scared I'll sleepwalk and stab someone with it.

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  13. Don't worry. I'll phase in and remove all likely stabby things.

    Your mullet isn't capable of interacting with non-corporeal forms, is it?

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  14. tickersoid-you really know how to have a good time don't you? :-) A sequined leather thong sounds, erm, fetching!

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