Wednesday 29 March 2006

Close Encounters of the Second Kind

I went inside to sort out the drinks, my mind in a turmoil.

Did Blacksmith just make a pass at me? Did I to him? Did (Naked) Knight really notice? Is he jealous? Should I get a pet macaroon?

All these questions with no discernable answers. And the Host was getting impatient. I'd promised him he could have his body back tonight so he could go to the moving pictures with his friends and see The Hills Are Alive, or somesuch.

Before I knew it, the coffee was made. I don't remember doing it so it must've been the subconscious. Curspherically, I floated the two cups outside, where Knight and Blacksmith were still on the patio. Grabbing the tin of garibaldis, I followed the cups out the door and down the overgrown passage to the back garden.

Knight, having finished projecting his psi-armour, was pulling on his top as I got there. "See you, then" he said to Blacksmith.

"Wait!" I practically shouted. "Are you in a hurry to be anywhere, Blacksmith?"

He gave me a goofy grin. "Uh, no. Not really."

* How sad. Another night in front of the telly for him... *

* Hypocrite *

* Who said that? Nebuchadnezzar? Was that you? *

* - silence - *

* Hmmm... *

"Can I borrow you for a while, then?" I asked him. Knight shot me a filthy look. "If i might elaborate," I shot back "the Host wants to go out this evening but I'd like to have a word with Knight. In person."

Five minutes later, I was inhabiting Blacksmith, the Host had changed and jumped in his car and Knight and I (us?) were Gay Waving him off from the front door as he roared away.

We were alone. My opportunity had arisen. However, Knight's 'opportunity' rose faster. And harder!

I was having reservations about Knight. He seemed too eager to 'rise' to Blacksmith. Methinks something's afoot.

Or eight and a half inches to be precise!


  1. Eight and a half inches?

    That's quite a lot for a Brit, isn't it? Not that I would know.

    It's quite long for an eyelash and quite high for a dormouse. Fact.

  2. I don't like where this story is going - filth. Funny thing, eight and a half is average for the UK.

  3. Thats why so many people can't park. It's 8.5 centimetres. he.
    DeVice, don't trust those knights, they will rise to anything with a sword.

  4. I was so caught up in practising my Gay Waving that I completely missed the undertone at the end there.
    I just don't see subtext often enough, ok?
    Since when was 8.5 inches average for the UK? Not that I'd know firsthand like, but I might've heard a rumour that the average porn star's 9 inches.

  5. NK's not a porn star (that I know of), but he is a big boy! And he does like his "sword play".

    I thought the average was about 5.5"-6"? Seems a bit meagre, to me...

    FT: I'll try and remember the eyelash & dormouse facts. I'm sure they'll come in useful in a pub quiz : )

  6. PS, sod the macaroon, you'd be better of adopting a cake. I am available for cake sitting but I er, don't have any references.
    I think you're right, I reckon the average has to be around the 6 or so inch mark... Ahh what it would be to have a willy at my disposal...

  7. This is becoming porn, DeVice! Porn I tell ya.
    You're gonna have to start charging £2.50 a time if it gets any more graphic.

    *wanders off tutting about the youth of today*

  8. Wait til I post Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

    Actually, maybe I won't. It is somewhat pornographic...

  9. *hands over £2.50*

    Get on with it then.

  10. Don't forget the ending, the Blacksmith should be trampled to death by homophobic ponies. The knight collects his apron and spends the rest of his celebate days mumbling to himself in his castle/trailer.

    can't have a happy ending for deviants - would upset the status quo and send a wrong message to young people.

  11. *also hands over £2.50*

    Go on then.

  12. hmm, your knight is quite naughty.

    will you take payment in Canadian funds? I'd like to hear more of the story.
    Although I have to nip out to Google. I think 6-7 inches is more the norm but I'm not sure. Have to go bone up on the subject. har, har, har!!

  13. OK. OK. I reluctantly agree to pornographise the next post.

    And KG, just for that terrible pun, you have to pay double : )

    And, "Hello" Anonymous - you're my first spam comment since I got rid of Word Verification. Bugger off. And don't go telling your friends or there'll be trouble. BIG trouble...

  14. Eight and a half inches, eh?


    Oh and my chuff ain't slack!

    Cheeky cunt.

  15. Lady Muck, don't be too proud of this technological cornucopia Blogger has created. The power to publish a post is insignificant compared next to the power of a tasty macaroon.

    This aside, my penus is 10 inches long being bionically enhanced with samples taken from the prodigious member of Dirk Diggler. Have any of you whippersnappers met this fine young man? He is superb musician and gentleman to boot.

  16. I don't know what's funnier, the eight and a half inches line or reading everyones comments about it!

    I swear, if it wasn't for you and day wouldn't be as entertaining.

  17. My penis is massive, much longer than your puny 10 inches, Marcus Tal. Its made of the finest silicone money can buy and doubles up as a handy, fish scented doorstop.

  18. Well done Fuckkit, that made me lol.

    You can't force people to have their willys measured so any survey is only of those who volentered. Do you think the less well endowed are likly to make a showing?

    On the subject of willys. I went without for 12 years. During that time I lost 30mm in length. Just goes to show you loose it if you don't use it. Good job I had some to spare.

  19. Yes, dear FUCKKIT.

    The diffence is mine is real, yours is a silicone doorstop. Honestly, how useful is that? If you need a doorstop you should get a better door.

    In fact, my member is especially useful as a third leg when one of the others gets tired.

    Oh and btw FUCKITT it is 10 inches when its flacid... It is a veritable Washington monument when erect.

  20. On the subject of willys. I went without for 12 years.

    So how did you wee?

  21. I didn't. I just kept on getting more and more bloated until...

    Do you remember the tsunami? That was me.


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