Saturday, 4 March 2006

Rude awakening

I swam through the foyer, undulating like an eel as I gracefully made my way through the submerged house. The wallpaper was slowly coming away from the walls at the edges and waving like flock seaweed in the faint swell caused by my passing.

It was dim but not murky in the foyer. The large, multi-paned windows let in the vague green light from outside. I was about to inspect a picture on the wall to my right when movement in the corner of my eye made me freeze.

There was something in the kitchen. Something big. And black.

My heart was pounding as I slowly turned to get a better view. Whatever it was hadn't noticed me. I couldn't see or sense any eyes or make out any specific shapes, just its lissome movements as it manoeuvered around the kitchen. Using just my hands I propelled myself deliberately to the banister and concealed most of my body behind it while peering out through the rails.

Suddenly, whatever it was moved quickly towards the door into the foyer. Towards me. My eyes widened in fright. It was the queen.

Turning quickly, I surged down the stairs, curved over the banister and down in to the cellar below. Panicked, I sought for a hiding place but the room was devoid of furniture big enough to accomodate me. I was breathing the cool water faster now, in the grip of fear. Then I noticed the shape under the stairs.

Two aliens were nestled together on a sofa, stroking and caressing each other, oblivious to me. Sensing no maliciousness in them, I swam over them, dropping down behind their writhing, intertwined bodies. Through the gaps I could see the huge phallic shaped head of the queen come in to view as she effortlessly glided down the stairwell. Her massive, bladed crest was flattened against her back, her arms and legs brought in close against her undulating body and long, bony tail.

She slowly swam around the cellar, her lips curled back in a sneer displaying her sharp, translucent teeth. Ignoring the two aliens hiding me, she made one more circuit before disappearing up the stairwell. I remained where I was, shaking too much to even consider moving.

I don't know how much time had passed before I realised that I was transfixed by the writhing aliens before me. Their hard, black bodies rubbing and twisting around themselves in their intimate encounter. Before I knew it, a tail had smoothly wrapped around my leg and a strong but gentle, clawed hand had gripped my arm. I tried to extricate myself but was trapped. Then I found myself being pulled towards the sofa.

Despite being held by these terrifying creatures I felt strangely comfortable. Sandwiched between them now, they continued to caress each other, occasionally their hands, arms or tails would rub against me. I felt soothed by their actions. Relaxed, even. Gradually, I started to reciprocate, sliding my fingers over their hard, sinewey limbs, nuzzling my head into the crook of an arm or under a jaw. They were cajoling and enticing me to do more. I was becoming...

* rrrrrrrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmble creeeaak groan *

Huh? Wassgoingon? Wher...

Oh. I must've fallen asleep. What a bizarre dream.

That bloody central heating system woke me up again. Crotchety old clank. I only fed it the other day! Now I'll never get back to sleep.



  1. No need to panic, ID, you were having a cheese dream - I get those all the time.

  2. Anonymous6/3/06 00:11

    bugger is right. Its bad enough when I get cheated out of my own interesting dreams and now I've been cheated out of yours!


  3. Anonymous6/3/06 12:45

    Wyndham: It must've been from that pizza I ate.

    SW: You mean to say you've never heard the "fact" that eating cheese before you go to sleep can induce somewhat disturbing dreams?

    For shame!

    KG: Sorry. I think it was for the best, though. It felt like it was getting a bit... perverse!

  4. Stilton is a particular bugger for that.

  5. Anonymous6/3/06 15:28

    Are you on any kind of anti-psychotic drugs?

    If not, you should be.

  6. Well, I ran out of my little yellow ones just before I dropped into this body and one can't get them in this day and age.

    Now I'm on tic tacs.

  7. Anonymous6/3/06 18:25

    I worry. I really do... No more cheese for you DeVice lol

  8. blimey.

    i had no idea what was going on there but have to say the writing rocked.

    just a thought though - i am scared of big eely things. apart from that, you go, iDv!!

  9. Thank you SG.

    Next time I'll try and dream about something else. I was pretty scared too!

  10. So you have been in our house then??

  11. I had a cheese and pickle toastie last night. I think I dreamt I was an ardvark.

  12. Device dear, I read your archives and found them witty and entertaining. Am also adding cheese dream to my vocab.

  13. Anonymous8/3/06 13:20

    Ah, a new customer. Thank you for taking the time to rummage through my dusty archives, Spike.

    I'm glad you commented because I have been to yours before but forgot to save your URL, then promptly forgot who you were and, therefore, how to get back!

    My memory is quite appalling.

  14. LOL. I'll leave a trail of illicit substances in future.


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