Oh, dear. The triumphant return of the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts over at Rimpy's has encouraged a glut of imposters to try and nab the spotlight. Be wary of Freakin' Green Elf Shorts wannabes.
The poor sod on the right here was taken in by someone's claim that they were selling the original pair, but just look at them:
The first give away is that this pair of faux Freakin' Green Elf Shorts is clinging suggestively to the dim lunk's taut, muscular buttocks (gods, just look at his arse!). If these were the real deal, they'd be around his ankles after having been stretched out of shape by second winner Jon's impressive package, and twelfth winner SID's fat arse (see The Very Mistress's Definitive History of the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts for details). Other clues as to their fakeness: no red waist band, the hemline zig-zags are too large, and his bells are too big!
Here are a few more of the pretenders to the porcelain throne:
Walmart's knock-off Freakin' Green Elf Shorts are a surprisingly good copy, but their fakeness is illustrated by the fact that this is a garment for men. The real Freakin' Green Elf Shorts are unisex, having been donned by Men (Donn! Eros!), Women (The Very Mistress! Ms Scarlet!), and those that are in between (Cyberpoof!).
Dailing For Dollars has got no hope. "Condition: Brand new"??? Ha! These things are nearly 14 years old! And as for "Care: Machine wash" - Please. The stainage inherent in the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts can never be removed by a mere washing machine.
As for the fraudsters on ebay, aside from describing them as "ugly", they're obviously not even trying. Five pairs to sell? The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts are unique! There is only one pair-
Well, actually, there are two, now.
Rimpy had Queen of the Elf Shorts, Andrea Knapp, clone a new pair because the originals somehow escaped from Princess's clutches.
I bet those vile and contemptible gnomes were to blame...
I think you're right. Anyway, "Mens" - No! ""Brand-new, unused, and unworn" - Absolutely not! "Free of defects, stains, and rips" - Ha ha ha ha haaaa!
The seller did mention "Bottom size: M(assive) L(eviathan) X(traordinarily)L(arge), though...
Let's leave the fake-Os and get on with the real deal, shall we? Below, we have Rimpy Rimpington (and friend) modelling the actual (cloned) Freakin' Green Elf Shorts for the latest caption competition - being held now over at his place!
If you'd like to feel those detestable polyestables and their suspect stains chafing between your thighs or up your bum crack, go and leave a caption at Rimpy's and you never know: The next winner of the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts could be you!