Monday, 31 December 2007

Another year in review

Tragedy struck when the Titanic sunk after hitting an icebe-

No! No, no, no. This year. You're supposed to review this year!

Good gods! It can only go downhill from here.
Does this thing have brakes?
No. We'll have to steer into a gravel driveway and fall over to stop.

Oh, OK, OK... I think we all remember the last awards ceremony debacle here at Castle DeVice. So, SID, you're not to mix Jamesons with champagne. And go easy on the potatoes, this time, too. T-Bird, do wear waterproof mascara and remember to put your hair up. I'm not holding it back this year. Tim, please don't widdle on the flowers again - Poor Spike's still in a state of shock! And no other leavings on the red carpet, either. Although, feel free to wear a clingy, see-through shirt. And those Big Bang pants...
Oh, and I've made sure the flowers aren't too carnivorous this time.

Now, before we get to the awards, here are the first three months of 2007, as experienced by the collective entity that is IWeMeUs, IDV!

January: We discussed the science of death and the subconscious; The unfortunate incident of the exploding woman; That moist bint in my bath and the resulting visit from my centaur cousin, Svaathor da Vjis. Plus, there was the introduction of MirrorMe and some drunken blogging.

February: Where manual labour = concrete snot; The thwarting of MirrorMe; The return of Beaky and Not-Quite-The-Apocalypse. There was also some insight into piloting Broom, magic carpets & spaceships.

March: To shit, or not to shit (in the garden); SuperNatural origins with Knight, Cyfa and The Sisters; My birthday; Escaping a ducking and Getting trapped in the mirror.

Now, on to the awards. First up is Best Book:

The nominees are: Wintersmith, by Terry Pratchett; Reap the Whirlwind, by David Mack; and Tall, Dark and Dead, by Tate Hallaway.

But... But he hasn't even read Tall, Dark and Dead! It's still on the bedside chest, unopened!
Good job it didn't win then, isn't it?

Ahem... And the winner is: Reap the Whirlwind!

The nominees for Best Film are: Stardust, Transformers, Waitress, Sunshine and Knocked Up.

The winner is: Sunshine!

Lawks! I could've sworn it was going to be Transformers.
Well, I thought Stardust was a dead cert. He did see it three times, after all, whereas Transformers only got two viewings.
Stardust didn't get it because that one-trick-twat Gervais was in it. Gurning and being annoyingly unfunny, as usual. What a has-been.

Shut up, you lot!

The nominees for Best Television Show are: Heroes, Primeval, Grey's Anatomy, Ugly Betty and Desperate Housewives.

The winner is, for the second year: Grey's Anatomy!

Must've been for that scene with McSteamy coming out of the shower in that tiny towel.

The nominees for Funniest Blogger Comment are: Piggy & Tazzy's comment on BANG! and their runner up comment in The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition. Now, before you get all huffy, most of you frequently left funny, if not hilarious, comments. However, it was these two that immediately sprung to mind when deciding on nominations for this category. Besides, I couldn't be arsed to go trawling through each post looking at every single comment - You know how lazy I am!

The winning comment is: " Looks like she spontaneously combusted at the muff! *shocked* I bet that stung! Serves her right for rubbing it so often. " from BANG!

Right. Back to the year in review - The next three months:

April: Now, April was mostly procrastination, but there was a pic of me with some of the undead. Oh, Car wouldn't start & Broom got upgraded. Plus, the 200th post - all about eyebrows and some Emotastica!

May: From black to white and black again; An explanation of flirting; The NightShip and the Emergency Wedding; The last Award Ceremony (it still smells of vomit, so view at your own risk); A Pop Quiz for Hot Shots and being Stunned in Sainsbury's.

June: Winning The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts; Getting lost in space; Avoiding Death-By-Shed and The SuperNatural emo.

There. That's six months done. Here're some more awards before we get to the last six months of the year:

The nominees are: Patrick Dempsey (Dr Derek "McDreamy" Shepherd in Grey's Anatomy), Eric Dane (Dr Mark "McSteamy" Sloan in Grey's Anatomy), Josh Holloway (Sawyer in Lost) and Nathan Fillion (Dr Pomatter in Waitress).

The winner is: Eric Dane!

The nominees are: Jake Gyllenhaal (Robert Graysmith in Zodiac); Charlie Cox (Tristan Thorn in Stardust); Andrew-Lee Potts (Connor Temple in Primeval) and Shia "Thinly Sliced Beef"* LaBeouf (Sam Witwicky in Transformers).

The winner is: Charlie Cox!

Oh, he is sooo cute. Especially with long hair. And that smile...

* Name decoded by Tim.

The nominees are: Kerri Russell (Jenna in Waitress); Laura Harris (Daisy Adair in Dead Like Me); Ellen Muth (Georgia Lass in Dead Like Me) and Katherine Heigl (Dr Isobel Stevens in Grey's Anatomy and Alison Scott in Knocked Up).

The winner is: Laura Harris!

Laura Harris (as Daisy Adair with Georgia and Mason)

July: Dinah went on holiday or something, so it fell to me to post clips of Family Guy, hence "Stewie and the nipple hair". I also gave you the story of The Royal Blood Orange and some camera film related nincompoopery.

August: The Freakin' Black and White Elf Shorts; My first scar and Meeting His (official) Hotness, Tim "Sparky Malarkey" Leng. In person!!

September: Momzilla destroys Legotown! Chewit monster destroys Barrow-in-Furness bus depot!! TFGES destroy any credibility I ever had!!!

The nominees are: Light At The End Of The World by Erasure; Robyn by Robyn; X by Kylie and Tangled Up by Girls Aloud.

The winner is: Robyn!

The nominees are: the TV show Dead Like Me; the punk-pop-rock band Shakespears Sister; the TV shows Now And Again and Teachers.

The winner is: Shakespears Sister! If you must see some videos, scroll down a bit - I posted some earlier this month.

There is only one blogger who can win in this category, and that's Skillz. He commented on Forsooth, It Is The Apocalypse with... Well, follow the link and see for yourselves. I think you'll find it both rude, bizarre and hilarious!

October: Deciphering Cyfa; Sisters & kittens; Excuses and Exploding dogs.

November: Hallowe'en Cinderella-style; The real Red Riding Hood; Car's MOT; The 300th post and Torso-tastica!

December: Trifling in bum-cracks and Snow White in Blogland. Plus this very review!

The nominees for those things that I've wasted time and money on this year include: Beowulf 3D (What a crock of shit! A showcase for rubbish 3D effects on film, with barely any voice-acting. Angelina Jolie sounded like she read her lines as an after thought while sitting on the loo. Anthony Hopkins did actually sound like he was really trying, but deep down, knew it was to no avail. As for Ray Winstone - Well, I never knew that Beowulf came from the east end of London.); The Buried Age by Christopher L Bennett (appalling characterisation of Picard); The Witches Of Eastwick by John Updike (so hard going that I still haven't finished it, months after buying it - I still love the film, though!) and Spider-Man 3 (I totally agree with all the 'less enthusiastic reviewers' from the link).

And the biggest waste of time was: Beowulf. I couldn't bring myself to say "The winner is".

Well, there have been so many (mostly from Piggy), but this one from Tim really stands out.

Another year, another win for Connor.

I know Enterprise finished years ago, but he has been in Stargate or something and as such, still qualifies.

It just has to be this guy with "SHIT! THIS THING IS FUCKING AMAZING!!!" as discovered by Tim and championed by The Coven Of Hags. OK, so it's for a beanie, but I think we can attribute it to anything good in our lives. Most especially this year of blogging - Thank you everyone who has made it so!

Happy New Year!


  1. oi! oi! oi!

    No no no

    I'm lost for words

  2. Oh happy new year darling

    may you score Tim or mc(dr)steamy

  3. Hang on?! I won for a strop!? I WON FOR A STROP!?

    Excellent! My bestest toys out the pram moment yet!

    I'm a bit annoyed that Autumn Reeser wasn't nominated for best actress, because she'd wipe the floor with all those other has-beens. Still, I'll help wipe away her tears at losing. I might even recreate the Dr. Steamy scene JUST FOR HER.

    Your flowers are safe … for now.

    Happy new year you old witch.

  4. CyberPoo the First: Huh?

    CyberPoo the Second: Happy New Year to you too.

    See below for my scoring...

    Tim: * hides under bed as McSteamy scene is recreated then grabs Autumn's skinny ankles as Tim exits bathroom in extremely skimpy towel, drags her under the bed and takes her place while Tim is still blinded by the steam *

    Oh, it will be a VERY happy new year, thank you...

  5. I think I'd know if Autumn was replaced by a witch in a wig!

  6. The music category

    Your gay card has been revoked mate

    Please record it IDV and share with us less fortunate

  7. As I was reading the endless scroll, I thought, "Have IVD and Connor Trinnear had a falling out?"

    But there he is at the end.

    And they lived happily ever after.

  8. I'm afraid to report that I don't remember seeing any movies this year...and sadly, the most interesting thing on print I've read this year is a travel brochure...

    The Witches of Eastwick is a great film! Dead like me is one of my faves tv shows--bastards canceled it! Hopefully, it'll be picked up again...

    Happy New Year, IDV!!!

  9. Give yourself an award for best blog by a bitchy witch.

    Happy New Year and thanks for all the entertainment in '07.

  10. Tim: Not if that Rohypnol kicks in-

    I mean: Yes. I'm sure you would.

    CyberPoo: At least Kylie was nominated. I really like 'Wow!' but there are a few 'meh' tracks on X. Whereas, with Robyn, nearly all are fantastic. I'll see if I can find a YouTube vid.

    MJ: There'll always be a place for Connor. Even if Tim does relent and give in!

    ErosWings: Yay! Another Dead Like Me fan. You know a TV movie/straight to DVD movie is being made right now, don't you? I can hardly wait!

    MJ: Ooh, what can I award myself with?


    Tim? Are you still there?

  11. I'm not saying Robyn isn't great. She's done great for sure.

    I'm just saying Kylies better. The only track I had to hear twice to appreciate was Nu-di-ty

    Now it's a great fun track

    Wow is fantastic

  12. Who was on the judging panel?

    Happy New Year IDV?

    luv Ratso x

  13. Nope, I've gone. Me and my towel are gone.

  14. What a sad, sad thing to say Tim

    you are slowly killing IDV

  15. I know - fun isn't it!

  16. I totally did not know that you and Tim had actually met each other (IN PERSON) and colour me jealous. Good thing you did these awards, so I could be brought up to date!

    That McSteamy moment was one of the best in television, ever.

  17. It was in court, Dinah - I was desperately trying to get a restraining order.

  18. happy new year you creative witch, you! What a fab list. I love your comments on Beowulf.

  19. CyberPoo: After another couple of plays, In My Arms is my favourite, closely followed by The One, with Wow coming in third.
    Nu-Di-ty is growing on me...

    Frobi: Just the four of me - hence the squabbling.

    Happy New Year to you too!

    Tim: Bah! I wouldn't mind if it'd just been the towel that went...

    CyberPoo: It's like the belief in fairies keeps them alive, so my belief that Tim will relent keeps me alive.

    Tim: Ogre!

    CyberPoo: Rude ogre!!

    Dinah: I think a lot of people missed that post back in August. I guess they were outside enjoying the sun, rather than reading blogs.

    Tim: Ha! And you failed!!

    Snooze: Happy New Year to you too. I would've vented my spleen a bit more, but didn't want that appalling film to take over my blog!

  20. Happy New Year, dear DeVice!

    Practice on a cucumber. It's a hilarious party trick.

  21. Where the towel goes, I go. There will be no separation of the two. Well, for you anyway.

    Anyone else fancy a look?

  22. Yay! I remembered to wear waterproof mascara this time... and no vomiting thank goodness.

    Timothy, put the chest burster away. Can't you see he's all tired and out of acid? Poor little guy, so plum-tuckered out!

  23. I can't get enough of Speakerphone and Magnetic Electric (iTunes exclusive) and No More Rain is really great.

  24. Yay! I got an award! now i know how excited ralph wiggum was when he went onstage to receive an award for flunking school. "Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

    I've synergised your French and Saunders post and your rediscovery of Shakespeare's Sister:

    also, just cos it's a funking awesome song..

    and ALSO because Marcy has a great voice and I like crap songs

  25. Ooh, thank you, Skillz!

    Sorry it's taken 4 days to realise you commented here.


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