Monday, 1 January 2007
... I fell off the back of Broom and \
_____________________________\ woke with a start. And a sore shin after smashing it into the seatback of the person in front.
"Sorry. Sorry" I mumbled to the old man, who's seat I had injured myself on, as he peered around to see what was going on.
"Hummmph" he replied with a look on his face suggesting that young people today didn't have any manners.
Stupid old goat!
I brought my leg up to my chest to rub my shin while 'ooh'ing and 'aww'ing, all the while wondering why humans have that falling sensation when on the verge of consciousness. That frantic jerk convulsing through our body, fueled by adrenaline. Perhaps, in someplace or in sometime, we are falling? It's like that feeling of someone walking over your grave, too, as the saying goes. That involuntary shudder for no apparent reason, closely followed by the contracting diaphragm and articulating tongue and jaw that enable one to say "Ooh. Someone just walked over my grave."
What I want to know is how do we know that's what caused it? Where did that saying originate from?
I know of only two ways to test the theory and neither are very conclusive:
1. Take someone in a coma, so far gone that they're almost dead. Bury them in a special coffin outfitted with medical scanners, cameras and other recording devices. Have someone walk over the grave a few times to see if there's any 'shudder response' from the subject.
As you can see, there are some obstacles to overcome, and problems with the whole accuracy scenario for this one. Not so many as with the second example, though.
2. At a freshly filled grave, walk over it, oh I don't know, say, twenty times. Then, go back in time to the moment the interred was born and count how many times he or she shudders, in the manner described above, throughout his or her entire life!
Actually, if you've got a time machine, you'll probably have access to a micro-camera disguised as a fly, or other insect, that can go back in time to do the recording for you. After all, it'll save you from getting old and probably dying - having been shot for stalking the subject - before you've observed and recorded his or her whole life.
Then, it's simply a matter of checking that the amount of shudders matches the amount of times the grave was walked over. Easy. Although, can you imagine having to write up your experiment for your old fossil of a science teacher?
"List all your apparatus" he'd drone from his 'private store cupboard', pipe smoke billowing out in great clouds, almost asphixiating the entire class. You'd lick the end of your pencil - trying to ignore Fulcher as he turned on one of the gas taps, leaned over and inhaled - before writing in your exercise book:
1 (one) time machine
1 (one) fresh cadaver
1 (one) Fly-cam™
2 (two) grave diggers - not Neville Parks though, as he looked at me funny once when I went to me Granny's grave...
Of course, a control experiment would have to be carried out in both cases as well. One with no 'grave walking' to see if there are any shudders even without it...
Hang on. I've dropped my pen into the aisle. I don't want the stewardess running over it with her trolley. It's a good pen, is that!
Leaning over the seat arm, I stretch out for my pen. Suddenly, a bit of turbulence makes me lose balance. My hand snaps back and \
___________________________________________________\ grabs the shaft of Broom. With my heart in my mouth and a bit of small intestine in my oesophogus, I haul myself back on board.
Ooh. That's the last time I try and save an errant French Fancy from plummeting to a softly splattered cakey doom, no matter how much I like them (especially the yellow ones)!
As you may have noticed, I haven't put any links in this post as there's nothing to really link to. However, you will get Snaps if you can find the post (or posts) that the falling cake could link to.
Double snaps if you can name the author, book and character(s) that this post's plot device was inspired by.
There are also a couple of tenuous allusions to two British comedy shows that, if you correctly name them, will also get you Snaps. Good luck!
P.S. The book has not been mentioned in this Blog.