Thursday, February 09, 2006

Evening from Hell

* snap *

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

* breathes *

Don't mind me. Just having another of those "little moments" with the DVD player. Hold on for a moment, just got to . . .

Fuuuuuuuuuuuucckk!

Why does that Christing shitting machine thwart me? Why? Every arsing crapping time I get a moment to myself it makes my life a fucking Hell. That bastarding queynting fuck-faced wank-arsed miserable piece of bollocking shit!

The fact that it's a new machine doesn't help. I thought that my DVD troubles were over when the last machine was banished from my sight. But, oh no. That would have been far too easy. Why on Earth would the universe allow me to have a couple of hours of emotional entertainment? What was I thinking?

At least this machine doesn't skip through the film like a schoolgirl with a new rope. No. This particular mechanical monstrosity spews forth subtitles like a bulimic teenager after being left unsupervised at Woolworths pic'n'mix. Bastard!

And before you say "have you tried turning off the subtitles?", yes of course I fucking have. I'm not a shitting retard. I've tried a million times. I've tried until my button pushing finger was aching and bleeding.

Why does technology hate me so?

Oh great. Now I can feel my heart racing and a tingle in my left arm. Bollocks.



To dilute my consuming rage, I went over to Wyndham's and took this test:

Your results:
You are Green Lantern
Green Lantern

70%
Catwoman

70%
Superman

60%
Spider-Man

60%
Hulk

55%
The Flash

55%
Iron Man

50%
Supergirl

43%
Robin

38%
Wonder Woman

28%
Batman

20%
Hot-headed. You have strong
will power and a good imagination.
Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

The hot-headed bit's right. And I can certainly imagine a few choice unhappy endings for that infernal machine.

3 comments:

  1. Yay! First etc...

    We were both Superman. Which can't be right.

    I'm not so sure I'd want to be Superman anyway. I enjoy horseriding and can't be doing with all that sitting down and not moving nonsense.

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  2. Hahah...yeah, the grey pube over on Lady Muck's blog damn near made me choke to death.

    And I feel your pain on technology. I almost turned my piece of shit apple iBook into a $1500 frisbee after my encounter with the fuckwits at the apple store.

    But my DVD player also randomly plays subtitles. I seriously think it has to do with the dvd other than the player itself. Either way, it's still annoying as fuck.

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  3. Wayhey! I'm 'Iron man' Pretty cool for a steel worker.

    My advice, always go for the cheepest DVD player. They work much better, are easier to understand and will play anything.
    This is the conclusion of the amalgamated conflab' of steel workers.

    ReplyDelete