GPE #7 : Gardening for Gratis, by Mitzi

M I T Z I ' S

T A L E S  F R O M  T H E  L A N Ā I

a Garden Photos Event feature

 I was going to attempt a witty introduction, but it'll be clear when you read through that I have no hope of matching Mitzi's wits, so I'll just let her get on with it.  Take it away, Mitzi!

Variegated ivy cuttings, taken from the local graveyard!

See the summer house in the background?  I caught the maid in fragrante delicto late one night in there with a grindr meet!  Least said, soonest mended.

 

Jezabel with catnip, not my cat, she is a regular to the garden and leaves dead things at my door.  If only I could do a Freaky Friday with her and swap bodies for an hour I would steal jewels from her mistress's jewellery box and the keys to her Porsche 911 cabriolet.

 

Garden centre cuttings: brown turkey fig, rose, fuchsia

and Libertia grandiflora (back row) grown from seed.

 

'Strong Annabelle' not in full bloom with a bird of prey ripping the head off a pigeon.

 

'Strong Annabelle' in full bloom.

When my friend Cheryl who's a bit... how do I put this sensitively... uncomplicated, seeing their size she gasped and said that they look like the "chopped off heads of Bichon Frise that have been stuck on spikes and planted in the ground."

 

One for Jon to identify.

That's one of the problems with taking cuttings from the garden centre;

you don't stop to take notes.

 

Brugmansia at night, blooms are over a foot long.

 

Some succulents (garden centre freebies) in a stone trough.

Does she ever pay for anything? I hear you ask. Not if I can help it.

 

Lophospermum (lofos) is wintering in my spare bedroom.

On my trip to Falmouth last year whilst walking the streets looking for men I passed a house with the most outrageous hanging display I had ever seen, imagine the one above but 10 times bushy and full of flowers billowing in the breeze like a wild woman's hair.  I asked the old lady who was attending to her vaginatum what they were, then she asked me if I was local.  I said I was from up north, she turned ashen before my eyes, then stuttered something about her phone ringing and rushed inside to answer it - I heard her pulling bolts across her door.

I bought six Lofos in April as plug plants from J. Parkers.  I planted all six in a hanging basket and they were doing fine, until I came home one day to find the birds had been at them, looking for grubs, they had uprooted them all, the bastards, only one of them survived and it's grown 9ft in just a few months with pink flowers resembling dog's cocks.

 

"It's sent from heaven" said my friend Cheryl as she handed me a potted rose bush, a housewarming gift.  I would have preferred the cash, however, I thanked her and gave it to the maid to plant, rolling my eyes at my maid for Cheryl's flowery comment.  It was only til recently, when clearing a few things in the garage I came across some plant labels and saw 'Scent from Heaven' - Oh, that's what she meant.

It starts off peachy coloured and turns pink with a very strong scent, hence its name.

 

Panache fig and not one bleeding fig!

 

Brugmansia cuttings were taken last Sunday (17th October - IDV) and are already showing signs of roots. I once caught my maid doing something unspeakable in that jug, I asked her why and she said that she had just put bleach down the toilet and she couldn't be arsed to use the one upstairs!

 

Not one of mine, I took a wrong turn and ended up on some dreary council estate

but I'm so glad I did, look.

 

❦

 I hope I'm not too late in submitting my garden photos?  The reason for my tardiness I was hoping that something of interest would have popped up in the garden but sadly not - Mitzi. 

 Not at all, Mitzi.  In fact, you were nearly a week before the deadline.  And there's plenty of interest - not least your tips for gardening on a budget, the bloodbath behind Annabelle, and the gossip and salacious titbits!  Thank you.

☙❧

 Next on the agenda we have the Extensive Gardens of Delores Delargo Towers!