Sunday, August 03, 2008

"Who makes Steve Guttenburg, a star? We do. We do!"

Shit. I've just blah-ed while watching Cocoon. Stupid old people and their emotion provoking acting. And James Horner, too. What right do composers have playing with our feelings by penning haunting film scores?

Of course, there was an upside. Steve Guttenberg as Jack Bonner. Topless.

Never did I think I'd hear myselves saying that. Well, not in this millenium, anyway. However, it did get me thinking: 23 years ago, Steve Guttenberg was a star. And a pretty hot one at that! So then, I thought about other fading actors who, in their day, were just the ticket. In fact, some still are.

Tom Skerritt as Dallas in Alien.

Fred Ward as Earl in Tremors.

Harrison Ford as both Rick Deckard and Han Solo in Blade Runner and Star Wars, respectively.

Dennis Quaid as Michael Brody and Tuck Pendleton in Jaws 3-D and Innerspace, respectively. That smile... Those abs!

Casey Biggs as Damar in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Yes, even in the Cardassian make-up. Especially in the Cardassian make-up!

Phew! I'm going to have to go for a gin and a lie down...

Feel free to leave your own nominations for last millenium's hot bods and starlets while I'm recuperating.


  1. I hope you are kidding about Casey Biggs.

    He looks a bit like the guy from The Mummy though. Vosloo something or something Vosloo.

    I don't think anyones said anything complimentary about Steve Guttenberg since 1985 so you may be doing him a huge favour. That being said I did fancy him in Cocoon. I even liked the movie, wasn't there a sequel too?

  2. ***fans IVD with MJ's old copy of Knitters Digest***

  3. Meow! Old Man Ford!

    I still loves him. He was my first cinematic crush. At the age of 4.

  4. CyberPetra: I am not kidding about Casey Biggs. As Damar, he's just yummy (I haven't seen him in anything else)!

    As I recall, Steve Guttenberg spent a disproportionate amount of time half naked in Cocoon the Return, too.

    Beast: As long as it's not the one with the uterus pattern in it.

  5. * K A B O O M ! *

    Yaaaargh! STC crash!

    Wow. You started early, T-Bird.

  6. Me+mates have been talking a LOT about Steve Guttenberg recently. It came about because of the theory of natural selection and how two organisms can't live in the same niche in the ecosystem without one winning out and driving the other one under. Think red and grey squirrels.

    Well, we figured that Steve was a red squirrel and Tom Hanks was a grey one, and it was Tom who caused Steve to go under. Then it turned into a conversation about how much better films like Saving Private Ryan and Philadelphia would have been 100x better if Steve was cast in the role rather than Tom. This comic quips and shocked looks would have brightened up the grimness of war and AIDS.

  7. Skillz: Your recent conversations and my viewing of Cocoon are obviously the forerunners to a Steve Guttenberg Rennaissance! And it can't come too soon - Tom Hanks has got too smug for his own good, lately.
    I want all his films remade with Steve (we're on first name terms, you know) taking on his roles.

  8. That's disgusting! All your gushing left Steve standing nips-deep in a pool of your man-jam.

    You're sick!

    I'd go with Ally Sheedy. Input Stephanie!

  9. The timeless Jane Seymour will always have a place in my heart (and bedroom)

  10. I'd forgotten about Steve Guttenberg. I liked him in Police Academy.

  11. Coincidentally, I caught a few minutes of "Short Circuit" earlier this week and was feeling thankful that Steve seemed to have fallen off the radar.

    Thanks a lot (not!) for breathing life back into him here.

    Anyway, I've plans for a "Toxic Totty" posting on Mickey Rourke one of these days.

    The years haven't been kind.

    *flings knitted uterus at both Beast and IVD*

  12. I so want to knit a uterus to fling at people, but the patterns seem too complicated for me. I can pretty much only make scarves...and slippers.

    I...thought you were kidding about Steve Guttenberg. You're not? Okay.

    Um...I do enjoy a young Harrison Ford.

  13. How many Police Acadmey films did they do again?
    I was Harrison all the way, but he seems to be a bit of a grumpy old man nowadays. Poo.

  14. Don't forget Matt Dillon - he's still got it going on, you seen him in Crash?

  15. Can we have some chest shots of Old Man Ford? Puhleeease?

  16. You are so ood, um I mean odd, or? I'm not sure.

    I have to go check if I can get Cocoon 2 now.

  17. Someone said on that VH1 show "I Love the 80s" that the 80s was a decade made for Steve Guttenberg. He was in a ton, including the "Police Academy" movies. But I loved him in Cocoon. I think I cried too, the last time I watched it.

  18. So many past millennium stars to choose from...well, since you didn't specify they be still alive, I've always thought Marlene Dietrich was silver screen goddess...

    Most people like Marilyn Monroe or Pamela Anderson; but for me the most beautiful screen blonde is Marlene Dietrich.

  19. Dietrich was a spunk.

  20. Its all going well with Marlene till you get to those ridiculous eyebrows......who ever thought thy were a good idea.
    Now Pammy in Barbed Wire
    'Dont't Call Me Babe' meh

  21. Pammy kicked arse in Barb Wire!