Sunday, September 16, 2007

Blast off!



Behold... The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition


Hang on. You may need these:








Behold...



This is it! This is The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition! Leave your captions here. For the rules etc, see the next post down.


Fly, my pretties. Fly!

153 comments:

  1. Yay! I'm first!

    This isn't a caption. Just a note to say you've done The Shorts proud!

    I need a stiff drink to recover from the shock.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You did it!



    Let the abuse begin.


    *unscrews top off Jameson's*

    ReplyDelete
  3. IVD’s leaking bodily fluids scorched the grass causing the lawn to turn brown, wither and die.

    *pass the Jamesons, SID*

    ReplyDelete
  4. Police uncover Irishman's Glory Hole.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hahaha!!!

    SID wins.

    ReplyDelete
  6. *takes swig and passes bottle to MJ*


    "I asked for a fatty ho,not a patio"

    ReplyDelete
  7. Keep up MJ,we could be here a long time.

    *peels hot potato,bites half and hands to MJ

    ReplyDelete
  8. Bright legs at night, sailors delight.

    Replacement for Portland Bill Lighthouse found in Norwich.

    *ta SID. more of the same*

    ReplyDelete
  9. "IVD took to shedding weight a little to far"


    Honest to Gawd.. word verification

    awankob

    ReplyDelete
  10. Tazzy & Piggy16/9/07 00:40

    *Ding dong the witch is dead*

    Thank fuck for that, have you see the state of it's legs!

    ReplyDelete
  11. IVD’s parents send son to out to the home centre only to be disappointed with his choice of patio lanterns.

    ReplyDelete
  12. "Adidas recall all red trainers,as cheap publicity stunt goes wrong"

    ReplyDelete
  13. Tranny stuck in cranny.

    News at eleven.

    ReplyDelete
  14. "RSPCA arrest man for trying to attract badgers for night time pleasures"

    ReplyDelete
  15. "Voyeurs flock to shed in Norwich with up-skirt cams."

    ReplyDelete
  16. "After six hours waiting,IVD realised that his desire to be poked by a munchkin,was highly unlikely*


    *swigs again*

    ReplyDelete
  17. "Don't drink the radioactive Kool-Aid."

    *hopes SID's brought a case, not just one bottle*

    ReplyDelete
  18. *deep voice from inside the shed*

    "Erm IVD..how long was that lube sitting on your patio?"

    ReplyDelete
  19. “Lady Epilady is thrilled to announce it has signed IVD as its newest spokesmodel.”

    ReplyDelete
  20. Jesus, is this MJ's & SID's blog now? lol

    Trying to blend in with the wretched lawn Gnome, IVD practices his dead witch pose.

    If I could just click my fucking heels I would be fine, but no.... some stupid twat made me drink the wretched fluid in the yellow tub and now I can't move at all.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oops there goes another rubber green gnome!

    IVD, in a moment of desperation, tries to disguise himself as a lawn ornament in his attempt to sneak a peek at Johnny Depp's arse.

    (I do have to admit that Johnny
    Depp has one of the finest poopers I have ever seen).

    ReplyDelete
  22. *passes bottle to Krissteen*

    Drink?

    "IVD's parents congratulate themselves on their first attempt at precision shed dropping"

    ReplyDelete
  23. “No more pesky cold breezes in the IVD household with this new door draft stopper!”

    ReplyDelete
  24. Scene inspires Elton John to rewrite his classic title from Goodbye Yellow Brick Road to Goodbye Gray Brick Patio.


    *passes out in drunken stupor*

    *dreams of more captions*

    ReplyDelete
  25. "Smunty the postie is delighted to find IVD’s installed a new mail slot."

    ReplyDelete
  26. “U.S. Republican Senator Larry Craig denies wrongdoing using IVD to block the crack in the door of his cubicle in the mens toilets.”

    ReplyDelete
  27. Why TY SID, I would love a shot or two or three.. Since you and MJ have taken up residence here I will stay for a while and visit. (Maybe if I get MJ drunk enough I will get that second hug).

    ReplyDelete
  28. Krissteen, we'll leave the bottle with you.

    See you back here tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  29. IDV discovers that the cat was right, after all. After applying the strange lotion from the yellow bucket, he found that on the other side of the fence, the grass WAS greener and the sun DID shine.

    The cat laughed as IDV also discovered the hungry lion.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Prowler caught perving chicken in Norwich

    The news at 10

    ReplyDelete
  31. Piggy and Tazzy to win!

    ReplyDelete
  32. SID, you've stretched the waistband of The Shorts out enough that both Piggy and Tazzy should be able to fit into them.

    ReplyDelete
  33. as long as I don't win, I'm good

    ReplyDelete
  34. Dorothy recoiled in horror and backed away slowly....'Screw Auntie Em and the horse she rode in on, Glinda. YOU wear 'em.'

    ReplyDelete
  35. Hello IVD! Hi SID, MJ, and the rest of you! Where the hell is MY drink? Huh?

    It is I, Kim from Elf Shorts history. I'd like to first tell you that your picture made me spit my coffee, thanks for that. Great Job!!!

    I will now enter my caption, and as always, it is on Ms. Mac's Behalf: (because I never want those wretched things in my house again)

    "SID's 'Whore Trap' caught more than he bargained for."

    Hardly does your photo justice, I know, but I'll work on it.

    Good lord, have you never heard of self bronzer?

    ReplyDelete
  36. Hi Kim! Here's the bottle.

    Now explain to the uninitiated about Ms. Mac as there may be some newbies dropping by who don't know the story.

    And please mop up up that coffee.

    There are enough stains around here just from The Shorts.

    ReplyDelete
  37. This is a comment, NOT a caption.

    Are they really your legs? Do you wax or shave?

    ReplyDelete
  38. Oh! Well, you see, Ms. Mac has coveted the FGEShorts forever. She's entered the contests numerous times, but alas, has never won them. In homage to her, I, and a few others, have attempted to win them on her behalf.

    Who left the sticky shit on the bottle? Sick pigs.

    ReplyDelete
  39. "Bollocks! He has no bollocks!"

    ReplyDelete
  40. Well, what fantastic performances! MJ & SID, you've outdone yourselves again. However, First Nations & Kim-on-behalf-of-Ms.Mac's entries had me guffawing with laughter! Brilliant!

    Carry on.

    Oh, and Tim? Yes, those really are my legs. It seems the flash burned away the hair...

    ReplyDelete
  41. Lawks! I forgot to say hello to FN & Kim OBOMsM: Hello!

    ReplyDelete
  42. hello!

    now,please, for the love of god, darling, get some sun!

    ReplyDelete
  43. As dunking was out of the question due to yet another water shortage, the good folks of Norfolk decided just to chop the skinny cunt in half with the garden gate with the rusty hinges.

    The open mouthed kids thought it was much better than the planned Punch and Judy show.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Norfolk? I meant Norwich.

    Fuck!

    The Yanks and Canucks won't have a clue anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  45. IVD regrets naming his ferret Sredni Vashtar.

    ReplyDelete
  46. "Sales of B & Q's new range of Lazy Bastard Gnomes fail to take off"


    B & Q = Large Garden Centres for the uneducated Yanucks...lets clump them all together Piggy.

    ReplyDelete
  47. *Steven Spielberg shouts*

    "And cut!"

    "Look Elliot,its ET's day off...just fucking improvise"

    ReplyDelete
  48. In order to achieve that spectacular wax job on those legs, IVD had to be restrained...

    ReplyDelete
  49. *IVDs parents heard whispering to each other*

    "No..you tell him he looks a prat"

    ReplyDelete
  50. IVD regretted buying the book.

    "Hemorrhoids from Hell.Gaining Piles The Hard Way"


    *sleep my pretty*

    ReplyDelete
  51. Holy fuck.. I go away for a few hours and all hell breaks loose.

    In his eager attempt to escape MJ's wicked clutches IVD realized that he had forgotten to take off the horrifying green elf shorts that she made him wear as her man slave.

    WTF is it that I get all these fucked up word verifications at your place IVD? This time, and I shit you not, it is.. YAYHTNVD.. I think they forgot the "I" though and that would have been fucking priceless.

    ReplyDelete
  52. are you wearing bowling shoes?

    ReplyDelete
  53. LOL Kimmy, I was wondering the same thing but I was being nice and keeping it to myself.. lol

    ReplyDelete
  54. "Do I make you horny baby?"

    ReplyDelete
  55. I take it from the legs you've been sick for a long while.


    That wasn't a caption just a cruel observation.

    ReplyDelete
  56. He thinks the legs look good for his ballet classes, Knudsey.

    *vomits again*

    ReplyDelete
  57. With the new green Veet wax you not only remove the hair but you get that highly sought after moonlight pale look.

    ReplyDelete
  58. I think it's best that Old Knudsen not win The Shorts as he has an incontinence problem.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Piggy: Have you seen him do a full plié over a sailor?

    The ballet lessons have really paid off.

    ReplyDelete
  60. "Gay limbo dancers cause consternation at local allotments"


    sorry its the best I can do on a Monday morning . ..

    ReplyDelete
  61. IDV came home a little bit miffy
    Went to the henhouse and smelled something iffy
    Thought the shorts must have gone a little bit whiffy
    but not as smelly as his own little stiffy

    (like my other posts they should not enter the competition)

    ReplyDelete
  62. LOL @ the Cybertwats last comment.. that is fucking funny shit right there!

    ReplyDelete
  63. Don't encourage him, Krissteen. He'll become insufferable!

    Just for that Cyberpete, I declare you the winner. The 'Shorts can't wait to be with you!!

    ReplyDelete
  64. Thanks Krissteen - but I am not liking this trend of being called CyberTwat. Damn you MJ, damn you to hell

    IDV you are mean. As for the little stiffy comment, I bet you are hung like a horse but you can't really tell from the picture. Please send evidence

    ReplyDelete
  65. Yes, he is hung like a horse...a sea horse.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Just a plain hor.

    CyberTwat, since you don't like that name, I hereby christen thee CyberPoo.

    wv: jplop

    ReplyDelete
  67. Yes, a clothes horse for Barbie.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Ooo! I was comment number 69!

    ReplyDelete
  69. No surprises there then?

    ReplyDelete
  70. Bite me, potato breath.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Comment not an entry: No wonder it took so long to get all that organised! And now I have to go away and think of a suitable caption.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Hmmmmmmmm MJ

    I think IDV really needs to prove his horse hung status. Personally I believe he is massive

    ReplyDelete
  73. This is a comment, not a caption.

    I just realised - this picture looks like a publicity photo from a low-budget straight to DVD sequel to Manniquin, in which Kim Cattral's whory old dummy ends up at a branch of B&Q where she's subsequently crushed by fence paneling.

    God lord, by the looks of those legs Kim Cattral's really let herself go.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Heh, I bet you never, in a million years, imagined that a pair of overworn, stained up, stretched out, disgusting elf shorts would bring this many comments to you blog eh?

    ReplyDelete
  75. pffft Krissteen, you're just trying to get in the sidebar...

    Well, you are a hoar, and I've heard one or two people call you a twat before.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Pfftt.. Kimmy, you think that is an insult? LOL

    I saw a great movie over the weekend, The Brave One with Jodie Foster, and I have adopted a new phrase from that movie.. "I am the last super cunt you will ever meet" after she is called a super cunt with a gun.. HA! I LOVE IT!

    ReplyDelete
  77. CyberPete, such beautiful poetry; you should be writing children's books.

    Comments:

    For just the price of a cup of coffee, you can help sponsor IDV.

    IDV auditions for Britain's Next Top Model by channeling Kate Moss.

    Dr Who season premiere: The Tardis lands in Oz.

    IDV learns why teleportation is not allowed in public restrooms.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Oh fuck, that was a simply brilliant photo set up and the ensuing comments were hilarious. Finally my Internet connection is back up so I can follow blogs more easily.

    Well done IDV, well done.

    ReplyDelete
  79. I feel like a moth to a flame, I know what the wretched picture looks like, but I keep coming back to see it again. I can't help myself.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Make it your screensaver kim

    ReplyDelete
  81. I know what you mean

    those shoes are really off putting

    ReplyDelete
  82. Uhh, Kim? You KNOW you want Chicken Leg Man on your screen... c'mon, do it.. You know you want to. And as for you CyberCindy, I am sure you already have it set as your background, don't cha? It's ok, you can admit it here, we are all friends.. in some sick twisted sort.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Krissteen: I would have if it weren't for the shoes.

    They are just so unbelievably bad

    ReplyDelete
  84. Yeah, they are. Looks like the fashion mafia took a hit out on him...

    ReplyDelete
  85. Shoes?...Bad.

    He was given those round the back of the local bowling alley, as a swap for sexual favours with an alsation named Prince.

    He promised to wear them in the pic as a sign of their unique and ongoing relationship.

    ReplyDelete
  86. That is so touching SID

    Everything makes so much sense now

    ReplyDelete
  87. Uhh.. CyberCindy? SID didn't actually touch you honey, but I assume by your reaction that you did manage to cum just a little?

    Oh wait, my bad, you were referring to his comment being touching? Well, I apologize for jumping to the wrong conclusion again.. fucking shit keeps happening to me lately.. go figure.

    ReplyDelete
  88. well no wonder with that white dog smacking your arse all the time

    naughty naughty

    ReplyDelete
  89. Did IVD share with you his "real pic" of his Witch Legs?

    He sent it to me before the surgery.

    ReplyDelete
  90. I've seen those before

    the chamber of horrors?

    ReplyDelete
  91. If someone would get this dog off my arse I might be able to think a bit more clearly

    OMG those witch legs are frightful!

    ReplyDelete
  92. Drag queen legs usually are.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Yay! ONE HUNDREDTH!

    YAY! FUCKING YAY!

    Eat those shorts, bitches!

    ReplyDelete
  94. I was going to do that,but then I thought,what a twat would do that?

    ReplyDelete
  95. LOL, yes you are correct SID, it is definately something a twat would do and well, look at who did it?!

    :-)

    ReplyDelete
  96. *laughs and points at Piggy*

    ReplyDelete
  97. 103 (now 4!) comments! Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  98. There once was a lad named IVD, who wore green elf shorts when he pee'd.

    He went to the outhouse and that's where he passed out from the stagnant aroma of wee.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Comment:

    As a member of Santa's spy organization, IDV (Codename: Prancer) keeps an eye on who's been bad or good.

    ReplyDelete
  100. Comments:

    Practicing his Suzanne Somers thigh exercises, IDV prepares for his famous Halloween parties, where he turns tricks as treats.

    Doing his part as a great Elf Queen, IDV uses his legs as the light of Earendil, when he's humping under stars, in dark places, when all other lights go out.

    As an incentive for his blog buddies to visit, IDV lets a house fall on him; thus, began the journey of a fag hag in coveted red shoes, a big pussy, a clumsy idiot, and a stiff man often needing a drink and lubrication.

    ReplyDelete
  101. You cheeky bunch of c...

    Despite that, some marvellous captions from YNF, Piggy & Tazzy, Krissteen, CyberPoo and Frobi. I see MJ and SID are keeping up the good work.

    Tim: Thanks for the comment, but for Christ's sake turn it into a caption. You know you want to!

    Everyone else who has yet to leave a caption: Snap to it!

    ReplyDelete
  102. I can't go through PSS (Pre Shorts Syndrome) again.

    I can picture Frobi trying to squeeze into them though. Although at the moment he's too busy trying to get into Ben Cohen's shorts.

    ReplyDelete
  103. There is no way on Earth I am going to let those shorts get anywhere near my awesome man-parts.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Tim: Awesome, eh? We'll see about that...

    MJ: Imagine Ben Cohen in The 'Shorts. I bet they'd be pretty tight.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Anorexic Dorothy wanna be found dead in limbo tragedy.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Yay - I'm 114th!!

    Size zero elf shorts model tops himself as he is banned from the catwalk.

    ReplyDelete
  107. So that's where I put my shed!

    ReplyDelete
  108. Kaz: Yay! You came!

    Wyndham: Well, you wouldn't let me in your turret a while back...

    ReplyDelete
  109. Damn, I didn't even hear her breath hard.. she is one of the silent comers eh?

    Yanno, I am spent and just cannot come up with another caption for these fucking shorts.. I must rest up for my up and coming wild weekend in Vegas with Kimmy! (I think she is going to hurt me!)

    ReplyDelete
  110. Ok. Here's my less than stellar caption.

    Host: That spell was supposed to give me a torso like a brick shithouse!

    IDV: *snigger*

    ReplyDelete
  111. Yes, yes, I'm off to Vegas. Pity, I won't see who won the contest until late next week! You have a difficult decision ahead of you, good luck!

    btw... You have very interesting regulars...

    Good lord, my word verification is

    jucyex.

    I think I just threw up a little.

    ReplyDelete
  112. "Mummy! Mummy! Look what the cats dragging in!"

    ReplyDelete
  113. LOL Kim! I hate it when that happens!

    I shall see you in a couple days, you know you are so excited that you wet yourself just a little didn't you?

    IDV, yeah I know I did it right this time but heh, who knew? Anyway, good luck with the compo.. I wont be back to check on you until next week as I am going to busy myself doing other exciting things.. :-)

    May the best Caption win!

    ReplyDelete
  114. Having examined the body,the pathologist drew his own conclusion as to the reason for the unusual suicide.

    The shoes.

    ReplyDelete
  115. IVD persisted in his attempt to recreate the novelty urinal he had spotted on the internet.

    ReplyDelete
  116. IVD was not amused at his pimps latest request,even though it was for the increased price of 50p

    ReplyDelete
  117. Why the fuck am I taking this pic for?
    Legs are open.
    Shall I have a go?

    ReplyDelete
  118. Anonymous20/9/07 10:55

    One day a hydra was loosed

    and elves had been seduced

    The hydra, a terrible serpent

    his demeanor ever so ferment


    Heads six had he

    and terrified me

    seven inch fangs

    and spittle that hangs


    Truly a darkened day

    when elves could not go play

    The dark elves had trained them to kill

    they laughed for it gave them a thrill


    So I took up my sword and ran for the cave

    trying to be, an elf that was brave

    I swung my blade and off with a head

    then I kept swinging until he was dead


    So home I returned to my peers

    basking in elfin cheers.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Tatas: Was that you? It's brilliant!
    Although I'm a little confused. I hope my head hasn't been lopped off too?

    T-Bird: * snigger * indeed!

    Don't stop now SID. You're almost there... Just a little further... For a little longer...

    ReplyDelete
  120. I'm hoping that's not Tata's poem.

    Can you imagine the filth that would ensue should Tatas and Connie get their mitts on The Shorts?

    ReplyDelete
  121. It was me and I wouldn't want to see what was underneath them shorts

    ReplyDelete
  122. I'm flabbergasted that Tatas can spell her own name let alone write poetry!

    *imagines the sordid future ahead for The Shorts if they fall into Tatas' filthy lap*

    ReplyDelete
  123. Comments:

    Nearing the peak of the fall season, IDV attempts to camouflage himself from rampaging witch hunting Puritans.

    With his snow white legs, IDV lays on a path to the mines, hoping some dwarves will invite him over for some hi ho-ing and group spelunking.

    ReplyDelete
  124. That poem was rubbish!

    And I bet she had help with it.

    I'd sack the helper.

    ReplyDelete
  125. Bollocks. It deleted a sentence!

    *Tries again*

    That poem was rubbish. There was no sex and debauchery in it!

    ReplyDelete
  126. What do you mean "there was no sex and debauchery in it"?

    She dipped her tatas in paint to compose it!

    Or Connie's todger, more likely.

    ReplyDelete
  127. There's three more days to the competition ending. Let's see if we can get IDV's comments page past 200.

    ReplyDelete
  128. Connie's todger lmfao

    It's amazing what you can do with Connie's COCK

    ReplyDelete
  129. Comment:

    Instead of welcoming committee, IDV thought he was asked to be the welcoming mat--still, many visitors enjoyed his spread.

    ReplyDelete
  130. Comment:

    Planning to outdo Richard Simmon's Sweating to the Oldies, IDV launches Kegels on the Curb.

    ReplyDelete
  131. Last one from me before I escape.

    IVD leaves the remnants of his tub of "I-can't-believe-it's-not-boy-butter" outside his shed knowing Piggy will sniff it out and make good use of it.


    Well done IVD. You did the Shorts proud!

    My condolences to the Winner.

    ReplyDelete
  132. Can't-stop-the-autism.

    Comment 140 Yay!

    ReplyDelete
  133. Comment:

    God Save the Queen!

    ReplyDelete
  134. Comment:

    IDV thighs,
    IDV thighs,
    Every morning you greet me.
    Long and White,
    Smooth and Bright,
    You look horny to meet me.

    Blossom among Hoes
    May you Bloom and Glow
    Bloom and Glow forever

    IDV thighs
    IDV thighs
    Be STD free forever

    ReplyDelete
  135. Comment:

    Ho, a queer, a fem-like dear
    Ray, his legs bright as the sun
    Me, I'm afraid of the shorts myself
    Far, away I should run
    So, they say he gives great head
    La Femme Fatale he is they said
    Tea bagging in his shoes of red
    and that'll bring us back to
    Ho Ho Ho Ho...

    ReplyDelete
  136. The hills are alive with the sound of YNF's music...

    Why the Hell haven't you got a blog?

    ReplyDelete
  137. IDV, I'm boring, and I spend (waste) way too much time on the internet when I should be doing something productive, i.e. sleep, maybe work, clean the gutters etc, etc.

    I have too much fun reading your blog and others--and I pay for it dearly the next day. But it's a terrible addiction, and like any crack whore, I come crawling back for more.
    *cue the Britney Spears MTV/VMA performance of Gimme More*

    ReplyDelete
  138. Comment:

    More than meets the eye, IDV begins his transformation into Trailertron, the mobile home autobot.

    ReplyDelete
  139. OOPS! Typo above! Must get some sleep!

    Comment:

    To the dismay of CSI agents, the black light revealed the victims legs were completely covered in semen, creating a list of suspects thicker than the first 3 volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Comment:

    Deceptively coy, the insatiable Venus fly trap spreads itself wide open, eagerly anticipating it's next piece of meat.

    ReplyDelete
  141. Comment:

    My milk white legs bring the boys to the yard,
    And they're like
    It's better than yours,
    Damn right even in these shorts,
    I can teach you,
    But I have to charge

    ReplyDelete
  142. Comment 150!!!!!!

    We're not in Kansas anymore!

    ReplyDelete
  143. Comment:

    If you believe in fairies, clap your hands; don't let IDV die...I said clap, you bastards!

    ReplyDelete
  144. Comment:

    Headline from The Sun,

    "Queen: Another One Bites the Dust"

    ReplyDelete
  145. My milk white legs bring the boys to the yard,
    And they're like
    It's better than yours,
    Damn right even in these shorts,
    I can teach you,
    But I have to charge



    this made my month!

    ReplyDelete