Monday, July 16, 2007

The gulag garden

I dropped in on The Parents yesterday. What a mistake!

I found half the back garden dug up and The Father was shovelling gravel into the cement mixer.

Oh gods, no. Not again!

Before I could make a hasty escape, The Father saw me.

"Ah, Son-Who-I-May-Yet-Turn-Straight-By-Means-Of-Excruciating-Manual-Labour" he said in greeting.

"Sighhhhh..." I replied. "Hello, The Father."

"You're off work next week, aren't you?" Without waiting for me to answer, he went on: "Can you come down on Thursday to help your Mother and me lay the concrete for the new patio?" The Mother just looked skywards in resignation from her position near the crocosmia.

"Ummm... Actually-" I started to say.

"And, of course, you'll come with us on Wednesday to see your sister Indescribable, won't you." It wasn't a question.



  1. He's planning to bury you in the backyard. You're digging your own grave.

    *looks forward to YouTube footage of IVD performing manual labour in his high heels*

  2. You just reminded me of that Russian writer Solzhenitsin/whatever you spell it like. He wrote a thang called The Gulag Archepelago. That was cool. Hey you're in my blog roll now. It is getting updated with blogs I actually read NOW. So congrats!
    All the best
    hope u r ok


  3. Don't you just hate it when that happens.

    I started using that trick myself of late because if not you risk the wrong answer.

  4. Ah parents. They have a way of "asking" you to do something when really they're trying to lay guilt on you if you do say no and are pretty much telling you that it's not a favor but an appointed chore.

  5. Ha ha ha!!! Gutted!!!!

  6. "I found half the back garden dug up and The Father was shovelling gravel into the cement mixer"

    Daddy planning a surprise for Mummy, is he?

  7. At least you can have some witchy bonding with Indescribable. I bet her side of the parental commands went something like this

    "You'll be free Wednesday because your brother is coming to see you. With us."

    Ahhhhh. Parents. The people who made our neuroses for us.

  8. Serves you right for...

    a)Visiting your parents.

    b)Telling them you had a week off.

    This work must be completed wearing the Green Shorts.

    Now get to work you lazy bastard.

  9. Did I hear someone say Green Shorts? MJ's back so get your scrawny ass into those shorts and post.

  10. MJ: Well, at least I can make it comfortable and remove all the pointy stones...

    Gleds: I think that book must've given The Parents ideas...

    Cyberpete: And when they do actually ask a question, they only listen to the answer if it's the one they want to hear.

    Tara: Parents must have to take classes or exams in this kind of thing.

    Tim: You're not laughing at me, are you?

    Piggy: Either that or she let him cook dinner...

    T-Bird: Oh Gods! She's worse than they are!

    SID: I can't wear The Shorts in front of The Parents. The shock would kill them! Really, you must've noticed the amount of static electricity they generate?

    Pissoff: I'll have to catch them first. They keep trying to escape by melting holes in the floor and burrowing out...

  11. No, I'm laughing with you. Honest.

  12. Yes. And butter wouldn't melt, I'm sure.

  13. Aww...I hate when other people's projects mean work for me. I avoided most of that on holiday by ridiculing my dad every time he picked up a hammer. Sure, it might have permanently damaged our relationship, but at least I didn't have to help make a dock ladder.

  14. Dammit! Why didn't I think of that a few years ago?!

  15. Oh well, it's like a very natural gym work out. Just be sure to pout and flex throughout the ordeal.

  16. I bet you pronounce 'patio' as 'paysho', don't you? Don't you??

  17. Snooze: I was definitely pouting! Especially when the father left me to it and buggered off into the house for a cup of tea!

    Skillz: You mean there's another way?