I went swimming yesterday morning before work, as is my wont.
A perfectly lovely time was being had by all. It wasn't too busy, there was plenty of room for everyone to get past each other and some of the more energetic swimmers weren't there so the rest of us weren't being constantly splashed in the face as they flailed past.
It didn't last long.
At approximately a quarter past seven, a veritable herd of bimbos emerged from the changing area, cantering and braying their way to the pool side. Long blonde hair in varying shades, from ash blonde to honeyed wheat, flicked from side to side. Hands and arms gesticulated vigorously in time with the bovine chatter emanating from their pouting lips.
I stared in horror from the deep end as these creatures descended on my relaxing swim. Where had they all come from? Why pick now? It's 7:15 in the shitting morning, for Christ's sake!
They cautiously entered the water like wildebeest crossing a muddy river. Edging forward slowly until one was at the front being pushed forward by the sheer numbers behind it. Ever watchful for those dastardly crocodiles.
Suddenly the first one fell into the water, closely followed by a couple more who were pushing her a bit too eagerly. I considered looming up from the deep, gnashing my teeth, grabbing one and dragging it down but then realised it would be a futile effort. The ones at the back wouldn't see and would keep pushing until they were all in the pool, then the sheer multitude would preclude any further room to manoeuver, possibly leaving me trampled to death.
So, uncharacteristically, I gave up. Resigning myself to the fact that my swim would be cut short, I submerged and swam to the far side, breaking the surface and hauling myself out onto the poolside to grab my towel and disappear into the showers.
They better not be there next week!