I've got a new heliostat!
Some of you may remember that I lost my previous one in an unfortunate orifice incident a while ago.
This new one's fantastic. A lot more modern and portable, too. Although the sporadic nature of the sunshine lately has thwarted my use of it somewhat. That and the eclipse caused by Fuckkit's enormous arse.
What little sun there's been has induced spring. All this new growth has meant that things need pruning and cutting back. An ideal job for a pair of secateurs. A new pair of secateurs, in fact, because my current ones leave rough edges since using them to do some finger pruning...
Can you tell that I didn't have time for a more lengthy post?
Sorry about the eclipse incident, it happened when I bent down to pick up my severed fingers.
ReplyDeleteah, that would by why you only offered him machine coffee and no cake. I tend to feel a bit hostile to people who cut my fingers off too.
ReplyDeleteHang on. You're in the same part of the country as I am (currently), and I was thinking how lovely and sunny it is here compared to London.
ReplyDeleteI'm just bitter because there's a big, black cloud over my house that I can't shoo away.
ReplyDeleteInit, IDV isn't as nice as he makes out. He acts all charming but he'll have yer fingers off as soon as look at you.
ReplyDeleteWell, they do have higher pitched voices. The ones that speak, that is...
ReplyDeleteDon't worry. I'm in one of those moods too. I've already corrected two people's spelling in the blogs I've visited. And my own.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll join you!
get out of the traffic right now children!
ReplyDeletecome and have some chocolate.
that's better.
(a mother hen's work is never done)
Yum, chocolate! Thanks MH : )
ReplyDeleteDamnit, and I was just about to head to Norwich and hire a truck.
ReplyDeleteIf you get in quick to my place you'll beat fuckkit to a new post.
ReplyDelete* Scoops up Fuckkit's fingers so I can throw them in her face once she gets to Ticker's *
ReplyDeleteI think she may have dozed off for a minuit.
ReplyDeleteYou could stick the fingers up her nostrils?
Eeeek! She's back (at yours, anyway)!
ReplyDeleteListen, IDV. I'm a lesbian, I need my fingers. Now stop fucking about with them and pack them in some ice while I get to A&E and try and explain it to them.
ReplyDeleteSo I can... uh... start fucking with em.
ReplyDeleteDo you know - I havent been able to leave a comment here for days, despite trying.
ReplyDeleteNow I can.
And I don't remember what it was I wanted to say.
Did it involve genitals at all? Or the word Cunt?
ReplyDeleteP&T: I thought you were just ignoring me. And I admit to being a little slack on the posting front, too...
ReplyDeleteOK,OK. You can have your fingers back, Fuckkit.
* tut *
They came in very useful, too. Quite slender and dainty for lesbian's. They managed to get to places where my fingers just wouldn't fit!
Nowhere near genitals and/or cunts before anyone asks!
*furiously disinfects fingers*
ReplyDeleteYou'll miss her when she's gone. I know I will.
ReplyDeleteYou could sell it to an English stately home for the boiler of their central heating system.